What comes to your mind with the word unsatisfied? Work, relationships, sex, home, fun, sleep, spirituality, etc.? Good news about letting yourself feel unsatisfied is CHANGE.
When the pain is more than the gain, do you make a shift? Do you put your voice in the room? A woman shared with me that she speaks up about her thoughts and feelings. What is unsatisfying for her is no change arrives from the other person she is speaking with, time after time. At times, this behavior has diminished her voice, “Why bother? Nothing changes,” Her confidence in making change lowers. She is hurt
Under the frustration of no change is the vulnerability of feeling hurt because she doesn’t experience having any impact. Have you felt that way, too? She values herself and doesn’t feel valued by him.
Paradox lives again. On the one hand, saying what you need and not seeing change, is a practice of acceptance. “This is how she is and there hasn’t been any change in the months I have expressed myself.”
On the other hand, is self-care. No, you can’t make anyone hear you, implement change, and communicate with you. Self-care also needs to stand in the room. You want to express your feelings and needs so it doesn’t build to a fire or a brick thrown across the room.
For one woman, she discovered she needed to walk out of the room when the same behavior showed up day after day , despite her expressing herself with different words and briefly.
The story doesn’t really matter. What matters is how do you self-care when you are unsatisfied? What are you learning about you and the other person in the room? What new tools are possible to self-care?
Where is the behavior that is unsatisfying at times, also, showing up in you, as a mirror? We forget we can dig deeper and make new choices. We forget the issue is a part of us and not the all of us. We forget to ask for help.
Unsatisfied can bring explorations that lead to change. We need to keep the conversations open and out loud so we don’t bury growth. We need to be met right where we are and step away when no hand is available in that room. AND is a calming word, isn’t it?
How are you self-caring? When do you put your voice in the room and when do you not?
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
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