Empty nesters, as well as all parents, wonder, am I over parenting? Once a parent, always a parent.
Yes, your role changes as your children long for more independence and individuation and at the same time, they are uncertain about themselves. Bottom line is they do want you to be there for them and encourage them by letting them know you believe in them.
Of course, you have days where you want to slam the door and you don’t think they will get beyond their demonstrated behaviors that spin you and them. Who doesn’t make mistakes or have nasty, mean days?
Ask your children how you are doing as their parent and ask them what they need. Of course, do this on a day when you are feeling GREAT and can receive the good, the bad, and the ugly, don’t you think? Sometimes they will say, “I don’t know.” What did happen, though, is they heard you ask.
Parenting has grown me in ways I like and don’t like.
I am motivated by being a good role model. I am human by wanting to be treated like I like to be treated.
Ouch is a word I use and even leaving a room if I need to self-care. Parenting….a teacher of the moment. A button pusher…. A smile bigger than you knew you had…. A warm tear on your face…. A dream….An acceptance and hope…..A role that shifts and turns…..
A goodbye to what was and hello to an unknown and a disappointment for what you thought it would be and a reality of what the relationship truly is today. We parents love talking about our role and feeling a community no matter what age we are or our children are. We love hearing sweetness about our children.
I remember a very successful, public figure lighting up in a way I never had seen her light when she spoke about her college son. We hope to hear we are doing a great job as a parent. No matter what, we are parents on joyous and challenging days.
I have no regrets for this role I play. I hope to have a long road being a mother. Here is an in the moment list about PARENTING ADVICE:
1. Take a view
2. Step a side
3. Lean in and grab a hug
4. Listen
5. Pause before a call or text
6. Describe the behavior and let the impact land in the heart.
7. Let them lead.
8. Stay curious
9. Feel compassionate
10. Focus on yourself care
11. Have fun…fun….fun…
12. Let life teach them…
13. Surprise them….
14. Ask for what you want…..
15. Say sorry with an example of your behavior
16. Say YES more than NO….
I could keep this going and each could have a story beside the above statements. If you want a story for a teaching purpose, email me, natalie@emptynestsupport.com
What would you add to this list called PARENTING? I forgot what a woman shared yesterday during our telephone session, “Parenting makes me want to start over with my parents.”
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
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Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
I am so hoping to be able to do this. My daughter went to college 3 years ago and feels she should not have to ask for any kind of help from her parents. It took me about 1 1/2 years to understand this was not a personal afront. It was her spreading her wings. I still have to remind myself that it is a different relationship. I am now getting ready to send my son to school and wondering if the same outcome will be waiting me. I have truly embraced each phase my children have faced. I am now trying to figure out how to be a parent of an adult child.