with Natalie caine

October 2, 2006 | by Admin2 | No Comments

by Mary Wills | submitted on October 2, 2006

I am the very proud Mother of one wonderful child – my son, Zach. We’ve been on our own for 12 of his 21 years on the planet. I had not thought his leaving home for college would be THAT difficult. After all, my friends said “you’ll be glad when he’s gone” “when he comes home for holidays, you’ll count the days until he leaves!” I don’t know if I just have not reached that stage yet (he’s been gone 6 weeks) or if their memories are failing them. What I DO know is this is very, very hard. I don’t fully know who I am if I am not his hands’ on Mom. I am not sure what my “Mom duties” are now, as the following illustrates.

As a young child, whenever my son was sick enough to miss school, I stayed home from work to take care of him. I’d tuck him in, bring him anything he needed/wanted, take his temperature a hundred times a day, sit with him, read to him, etc. Of course, I no longer did all of those things once he was older, but he still needed me. Up until two months ago, if he was ill, he would struggle to raise his head from the pillow I had so tenderly plumped up repeatedly and croak out the words “M-o-m, can I have some T-y-l-e-n-o-l p-l-e-e-e-e-a-s-e?” This was said barely above a whisper so that I got the message that he was really sick (he learned this from his Father). If I did not hear this plea because he was TOO weak to speak up (NOT) he would use his cell phone to call me in the next room! Okay, so this does sound extreme, but he’s such an independent kid, it was one of the few times I really felt needed..

Well, that’s come to a screeching halt! He’s a Junior at University and living with his girlfriend, Melissa, and a guy pal. Two weeks ago Zach called home sounding terrible. All stuffy, coughing, sneezing (probably inhaling pepper for effect) and wheezing. My immediate response was to grab my car keys, slip on shoes and head for the door. I would bring my boy (21 years old, 6’3″) what he needed; neither sleet, nor snow, nor distance would stop me. As I vaulted down the stairs two by two I was shouting the words “What do you need honey? I am on my way there.” It was then he uttered the six most awful, gut-wrenching words I’ve heard him say (thus far). He said “MELISSA IS TAKING CARE OF ME.” SHOT through the heart! WHAT did he just say to ME? Melissa is taking care of him? Melissa IS TAKING CARE OF HIM?? Don’t they know that’s MY JOB? I stopped dead in my tracks and managed to say “Oh, that’s great honey, call me when you’re feeling better.” I slumped to the floor and cried and realized Melissa is quite capable of caring for a case of the sniffles..

Some days I feel like a ship without a rudder; other days I feel happy and every day I am proud of him. Almost every day I wonder “What will I do with the rest of my life?” It’s exciting, while scary at the same time. Zach must have ambivalence as well. We’ll both make it through, I am sure. It’s the ups and downs that get ya, which reminds me of the many afternoons we spent at the park on his favorite ride, the see-saw, up and down, up and down … Maybe it’s not all that different, he’s still on one end of the see-saw while I am on the other,as we both work diligently to find that delicate balance. Hopefully, it can still be fun too!.

– Mary Wills