by Ann Krausz | submitted on August 15, 2007
I smile to myself when I see women walking in the halls of this college who are my age, or around my age. I smile because we’re in sort of a club. It’s a club that you don’t have to apply to join, and you don’t know you’re in it until you’re in it. I call it the “White Picket Fence Club.” It’s a club full of women who have learned, as I have, that when you reach a certain stage of your life, you’re suddenly free; free from the job you did at home for 20 years; free from the responsibility for those around you; free to go on with your life — but free to do what?
For all those years you raised your children, took care of your home, took care of your husband, and, thanks to Women’s Liberation, you also held down a full-time job (Women’s Lib didn’t work out too well for us!) You live in a house with your dog and your white picket fence, and then, one day, the birdies you taught to fly, fly away, and suddenly you realize that you really didn’t live your life, you lived their lives. And there you are — a member of the club!
Oprah says that you have to find time for yourself — now we have plenty of time. She says, “You have to follow your dreams.” Then it occurs to you, “What if I have no dreams?” More importantly, “What if my dream was the life I had and now that’s done?” Am I supposed to have a back-up dream?
So here I am, the Queen of the White Picket Fence Club. Contrary to what you may think, I’m not old, but I’m not young either. I’m old enough to be your mother, yet I’m in the same place as you. “Who am I?” and “What do I want to be when I grow up?”
Hopefully, for some members this college may provide some answers. Exploring interests and stimulating minds previously focused on potty training and pot roasts. For some, I suspect the answers won’t be found here and they will explore the world outside these hallowed halls. I wonder what avenue they will try next. Do volunteer work? Learn Bridge? Are we destined to jump from activity to activity searching for something of value? As valuable as raising children?
Honestly, in hindsight, I don’t think I would have done anything different. I loved my life and would give anything to do it all again, exactly the same way. I’m not sure I’m searching for something new, as much as mourning something old.
As you can see, I’m still here — trudging my way through the halls trying to remain optimistic and hopeful of making peace with this stage of my life. Frankly, I’m not sure I will find the answers I seek here, but until my interests are sparked in another direction, I shall remain the Queen of the White Picket Fence Club.
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
I know how you feel My oldest lives across the country and youngest is in/out while pursuing school. When home i hardly see her. Think I talk more to the out of state one!
I have been thinking of returning to school, my company is not encouraging about change and my job is boring, not what I went to college for. But to return, to do what, to study what? I have been to women returning to college events, but now with the economy, I cant afford to dabble while finding my way. My job is “secure” I think at present.
But I do like my time to myself, and yet I find myself lost sometimes, I don’t feel needed. Guess I raised independent kids, but is it menopause that makes me nuts, too!