When women gather and share, they leave uplifted, and with new tools to implement.
When women gather, they have a place of belonging and a place to add meaning for others. When women gather, they change what they want to change and appreciate what they love about themselves.
I have been facilitating support groups since the 80’s and can still hear the voices of those women and the women today wondering , what is happening, what can I do, where do I fit in, etc.? Curiosity keeps your fire lit. Support makes the road more scenic.
Below are a few tips and shares:
1. Make time to meditate for 20 minutes, whether silent walks or sitting in a comfy chair or bed. Empty your thoughts and receive open space for something to arrive. Ask for guidance. Ask for a message. Practice meditating.
“It is fascinating to see the brain’s plasticity and that, by practicing meditation, we can play an active role in changing the brain and can increase our well-being and quality of life,” says Britta Hölzel, first author of the paper and a research fellow at MGH and Giessen University in Germany. “Other studies in different patient populations have shown that meditation can make significant improvements in a variety of symptoms, and we are now investigating the underlying mechanisms in the brain that facilitate this change.”
2. Continue to grow in self-awareness and compassion. Ask YOURSELF throughout the day, “How am I doing? What do I need today? Who did I forget to love?
3. WORRY, catch yourself worrying about your family, your work, yourself, etc., and say,” I have no control over…. I need to FOCUS back on….. I am building through awareness of my thoughts. Self-trust feeds me in remembering: I CAN HANDLE what comes my way. I CAN get support as needed. I have been ok at other times of stress because I implemented what works for me and dropped what distracts and depletes me. I have a good tool box and do need to add a few new tools.
4. Read something new each day which you can google on the computer or a book from the LIBRARY. Stimulate your thoughts. Reduce your spinning hamster on the wheel behavior.
5. Throw yourself into something you love doing. Do what you LOVE, as often as possible. FEED your happiness.
6. Each month, choose one thing that has been on your to do list and get it OFF the list. You know what has been NAGGING at you.
7. Gather a support team. What KIND of support do you need, physically, mentally, and spiritually? Start your RESEARCH. Make phone interviews. WRITE down your list of support and keep it nearby.
8. Change happens when you BEGIN. BEGIN!
9. Plan FUN TIME for yourself weekly. Just DO it. Does that mean a meaningful conversation with someone? A walk in nature? A massage? Having a gathering? A lay on the floor at home and listen to music? A day workshop to uplift you? A visit to a new part of your city? Taking a class? Going to the movies? What is fun for you? Make a list and look at it daily.
10. It is NEVER too late to build your wellness and LOVE the life you have. You can keep your dreams moving forward. ASK FOR HELP. No one wants to journey alone.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Presenting: Navigating the Unknown with Natalie Caine M.A. at the Golden Door, San Diego April 26- May 2, 2015
To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.
~ e.e. cummings
The photo is one of the many stunning pathways at THE GOLDEN DOOR that I shot while on an early morning hike.
I am so excited to be returning for a week to present Navigating the Unknown. Whether expected or unexpected changes, transitions are an opportunity to pause and see a view from different angles.
It is a gentle time to learn more about who you are and who you are not. From that discovery, you begin to gather both inner and outer resources in order to step forward.
Transitions include divorce, finding meaning, new career, empty nest, parenting, retirement, care-taking parents, re-locating, marriage, illness to wellness, and more.
I remember a woman sharing with me during our question and answer session that her life was OK and yet she felt bored and unsatisfied. She asked, “How do I figure out what to do so that I have a community and a sense of being alive again?”
Another woman was walking the grief of losing her husband, while another wasn’t sure if she wanted to stay or leave her marriage.
There were so many questions about different cycles of life. It is a safe place to be nurtured and supported.
Here is the link, Golden Door/Women’s Weeks, so you can read more about the week and visit their website. They offer short stays, as well as, a full week. While I am there for the week, I am also available for private sessions.
The Golden Door is near San Diego. You are welcome to call them about this Women’s Week, Sunday April 26 – May 2,
telephone (866)-420-6414
Learn how the Golden Door has been a leader in destination spas for over 50 years READ HERE
I hope your New Year is unfolding in support, wellness, and creative moments.
Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@lifeintransition.org
www.lifeintransition.org
Decisions. I don’t think any of us took classes in how to choose. A woman called me in tears about a challenging time of her life. Unexpected changes arrived. Her tolerance for her husband’s behavior made her pack her bags. Then she put the black suitcase back in their closet.
Her immediate response to her pain was to get out. She was tired of talking about it with him and with herself. Change wasn’t really sticking. He would say the same thing over and over to her with a big big I AM SORRY.
She felt hurt too many times. She felt like him unavailable. She walked on shattered glass, defeated from trying different ways to impact her needs.
She loved him or wondered if it was love. She knew hope was tossed in a locked closet. All the losses she would hold by leaving, were laid out on the bed. She said she needed to get away from unchanged behavior. She needed to be loved in kindness. She needed him to grow up. She needed him to PARTICIPATE in what she called, HER style and not only his. She longed for him to show change and go beyond,” I am sorry.”
What to do? Stay or go?
Decisions. In living my own CONFLICTS and being privileged to speak with many men and women struggling with pain and lost positive impact when expressing themselves, I empathize with the DERAILMENT caused by not knowing what to do and not having answers to WHY? WHAT NOW?
Here is one way that I feel helps when making a decision:
PAUSE over and over. Step out of the room of rage, pain and tears. Comfort yourself by saying, “I know I have been through this so many times and I know how much I feel deeply hurt. I know I cannot change this person. I know I know. I am going to be ok. I can make choices. I can get help. I am not TRAPPED. I just have so much to lose that I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to start over. MOSTLY, I want to remember that I don’t want to be this MEAN PART OF ME as a way to protect myself and defend myself. I don’t want the WORST PARTS of me to express more than the BETTER PARTS of me. I don’t like me that way.
Thank goodness I am in touch with more than two parts of me. Thank goodness I am aware of the button that gets ripped off my shirt when he acts NUMB or righteous. I KNOW THAT PART OF ME. I know how I shut down and then attack. My fear makes me so ANXIOUS. My hurt makes me want to throw a PLATE across the room. I know. I know. Still I have more to me than that rage and hurt.
I don’t know that he does. I don’t know that he has been taught and integrated making a PLAN for change. That is NOT MY FOCUS. Mine is to know me, COMFORT me, say what is, and PAUSE. I don’t have to know all the WHY’S of behaviors. Honestly, I don’t really know. I just spend time unfolding more of me, PAUSE and respond to my sorting of HISTORY, THOUGHTS, AND FEELINGS. COMPLEX for sure. In the past, life has shown me what decision to make. SOMETHING always buckles me into my own SAFETY and from there, I wheel down the road.
I am able to FEEL and THINK in a full range. I TRUST I am able to handle my decision when clarity sits in my driver’s seat. I will still WEEP. I will still have a doubter ringing in my ear. I will still have a speaker saying, “try again, give it a little more time, there is so much good here, there is so much to lose, you can make this work, you can live with this and just get some goodies from your friends, you don’t want to quit , again, you don’t want a failure, again, you don’t want to do all the work to leave.”
When you hold more than one awareness of who you are and who you are not, decisions become a little easier to expose. SAY WHAT IS: Today, I just don’t have to take any action because I am ok with uncertainty. Right now I am fine.
PAUSE. PAUSE. PAUSE. Go WITHIN and ask for HELP with PATIENCE, CLARITY, AND COMFORT. You will know when it is time to buckle up and slowly drive down the road.
You are not ALONE. You will not be “punished” for your decision. You will be feeling the sorrow of a dream that didn’t wake you to a walk together, side by side. You woke to a quake. You heard the night message that whispered, “YOU HAVE GONE AS FAR AS YOU CAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. NOW IT IS TIME TO APPRECIATE WHAT WAS AND GENTLY MOVE AWAY.
YOU DID NOT FAIL. YOU DID NOT BAIL. BE KIND TO YOURSELF. WHAT YOU HAD WAS REAL. TODAY, the winds have turned you and landed you with a new view. NO INTERPRETATION of what you see. SIMPLY NOTICE.
YOU DO KNOW WHAT TO DO. GO AT YOUR OWN PACE and not that of others. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. ALLOW YOURSELF TO COLLAPSE AND RISE UP OVER AND OVER. YOU WILL BE OK.
YOU ARE LOVED.
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
“Here it is the beginning of a New Year and I am already doubting myself.” Those are the words a sweet woman shared with me during our telephone conversation. She had a fight with her spouse and a zero on her 8 day chart of starting something new.
I want to remind you and me, that doubt is part of growth. It is not the ALL of you.
Maybe the bigger picture is you are practicing COMPASSION with yourself when you don’t do what you thought you would do or be. Maybe you are practicing saying, “I WAS WRONG and I AM SORRY.
Another woman shared,” oh great way to start the year by still being sick.” Yes, that inner critic can grab you when you are already feeling down. Just tell the voice in your head, “STOP IT.”
Tennis players practice. Musicians practice. Keep that in mind when you forget that you are practicing new behaviors by catching them sooner and by putting them at the top of your to do list, not the when I can get to it list.
Here is an idea:
1. Be complimentary in order to emotionally nourish yourself and others.
2. Begin again.
3. Check in with the reality vs. fantasy of the image you have of yourself and that other person. For example, your image may be that you should always dress well before you go out the door and not in yoga pants to run errands. Who will be disapproving of you?
4. Keep getting to know more about WHO YOU ARE and WHO YOU ARE NOT. If your habit is to procrastinate, what new choices do you have today? If you start and stop new ideas, what SUPPORT do you need to keep moving forward?
5. Are you sharing a WIDER SPECTRUM of yourself with others or staying in one role? Ex. Some parents stay in the parenting role and don’t think it is ok to share something personal about what happened to them that day. A husband only shares work news with his wife and not personal thoughts, a single woman shares her new dating strategy and not the beautiful two hikes she had on the weekend.
6. A young woman wants to LEAVE HER JOB and is terrified of the void time without work. Have a conversation with the fearful part of you and a conversation with the wise part of you. Write it down. Read it out loud to yourself. What did you notice?
7. A man is RETIRING in one month. He wants more time with his wife. She wants her routine that already makes her happy. Negotiate. Say what you need, ask how is that for you, listen, and then respond. I know that sounds simplistic and yet if you go into the conversation OPEN and knowing you won’t be TRAPPED and you can take a PAUSE to think, your negotiations and outcomes may put a smile on your face.
Doubt signals us that we need something. What do you need?
Happy New Beginnings,
Natalie
Invite Natalie to speak in your community
Call her for a private session
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
For me, happiness is effortless when I walk one of my favorite nature spots. I feel like a kid as I drive there, wondering what I will hear and see today. It never looks the same and yet I have expectations of what might be.
Today, I got an unexpected view…two dolphins swimming side by side, not in unison, and still together.
PS It is my marriage anniversary, so I was happy to see two together playing in the water. One was jumping out of the water by a woman on her paddle board, twice, as if to be playing and entertaining her. I have not seen that before and I have been coming to this same beach for over a decade. Lucky me!
What is effortless for you that makes you so happy?
What unexpected “GIFT” in 2015 would thrill you?
Where is a place you go to in your imagination, or in person, that lifts your spirits?
What new skill do you want to step forward into exploring in 2015?
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Who do you want to spend more time with? Who less time with?
What chatter in your head do you want to turn down the volume to?
NEW VIEW….what perception about yourself, or someone dear to you, do you want to see in a different way? What will it take for you to begin that shift?
May this NEW YEAR bring you reminders of possibilities, of acceptances, and to embrace that LIFE IS A MYSTERY and thank goodness you are HERE.
Take care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
More than not, you focus on what needs fixed or what you need to do in the next year. Add what you are good at that you want to remember to appreciate in 2015.
Sit right where you are. Close your eyes. With awareness of your breathing, in and out, five times, next say out loud, “I have the gift of…… ”
Here is a short list of I HAVE THE GIFT OF that I asked my clients, friends, etc. to say out loud.
1. Cooking creatively.
2. Helping others sort their priorities.
3. Getting over hurt feelings.
4. Loving deeply.
5. Living my values.
6. Doing my spiritual practices.
7. Making people laugh.
8. Writing.
9. Inspiring others to begin again. 
10. Knowing the law and your rights.
11. Listening and feeding back.
12. Balance.
13. Saying what I need to say in my own words.
14. Full range of feelings.
15. Knowing when I am wrong and saying it.
16. Believing in love.
17. Wonderment.
18. Starting over.
19. Weeping loudly.
20. Creative ideas.
21. Caring.
22. Teaching.
23. Enjoying solo time.
24. Loving beauty and having it lift me.
25. Waiting.
26. Saying, I AM CLUELESS RIGHT NOW and I AM STILL LOVING.
27. Kindness.
28. Building things.
29. Asking for help.
30. Not finishing what isn’t working for me.
31. Stopping the behaviors that aren’t helpful anymore.
32. Leaving without the critic hammering me.
33. Singing.
34. Painting.
35. Remembering the bigger picture.
36. Surprising people in happy ways..
37. Adding fun.
38. Letting work go and being with my family when I get home.
39. Editing.
40. Not needing approval anymore.
I am sure you can add to this list. Maybe during this holiday season, you can have people share their gifts out loud.
I so appreciate you allowing me to share my thoughts throughout the year and that you take the time to connect with me. You teach me. You inspire me. You allow me to reflect.
May you find what matters to you and share it with others. May you be loved and loving. May you make time to be just with you and enjoy you.
Take care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
She never said that out loud before. End of the year brought her into deeper conversations with herself. I am grateful I was with her.
Am I just settling for what I have? I asked her to name what she does have and doesn’t have. I asked her to share what hasn’t come together that she thought would have by this time of her life:
1. I have two good friends
2. I am not really in love and am not alone
3. I am well respected and not so much appreciated
4. I do like myself
5. I am not as driven as before
6. My life could be more community based but how?
7. I don’t even know what to dream
8. I miss people I loved and I cry
9. I feel hungry for something
During our two-hour conversation at her home, we decided to take whatever was in the cupboards and refrigerator and cook together. Background music collection played, and she kept singing louder and louder, STAY WITH ME.
We piled the food of greens, hot humus, shredded chicken, lemon tart filling; crust less, since that wasn’t in the kitchen, goat yogurt with smashed pumpkin puree and lots of cinnamon. White wine for her. Not me, I would be driving home. We ate outside in flannel shirts and wooly socks. Doing something creative together while chatting brought more of her to herself.
“This is all I need,” she said. Then added, “Well not really. I need to somehow get that my life is my life. I get caught in the routine and that isn’t always enough for me. I need to ask for more help and spend some money on me. I need to actually make that sacred space you talked about and then enjoy it. Cheers.”
Ask yourself “WHO THINKS YOU ARE SETTLING, meaning, what inner part of you, like your critical parent, your pusher, your over doer, your fantasy voice, your part who hasn’t yet been ok with an ORDINARY DAY? Ask yourself, when you can be just with you, and able to listen. Ask more than one time. WHO THINKS YOU ARE SETTLING? Then ask what SUPPORT do you need to OPEN to something new? Take notes. End with writing what you ADORE ABOUT YOURSELF…
Be there for you. It doesn’t take much to have a deeper conversation with YOU. You know you better than anyone knows you.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
As one of the Wall Street Journal Experts, Natalie’s blog was originally published at blogs.wsj.com.
When you are seeking new meaning and how to spend your time when you retire, it is normal to feel off balance, which can show itself in irritability, fatigue or negativity. Fear rises about longevity, being needed, what didn’t come together by now, and what’s it all about? For others, happiness lands right in their entryway, even though they don’t know what’s next. They simply feel freed to explore and not have a structured week.
Retirement is a time to assess and reflect, take a view from above and dive deep into what matters now? What went dormant that wants to surface? Who has been waiting for you to have free time?
Here are a few tips:
Choose fun. The blinder is unrealistic expectations, as well as that inner critic who never takes a vacation and stops you from hearing your inner courageous voice. Put on some music and write, “It would be fun to…”
Natalie Caine (@NatalieCaine) is the owner of Empty Nest Support Services and Life in Transition.
What makes your holidays happy or fall apart, whether it is the kids coming home from college, being newly divorced, recent losses, being with one friend, or solo, newly married, first time parents, grandparents, challenged with illness, well the list is long, is that you remind yourself that you are good enough.
– Good at serving the gravy, even though it is a little lumpy this year.
– Good at feeling left out when all the attention heads to the sofa and you are sitting on the stool.
– Good at crying for what isn’t happening this year.
– Good at loving your stuffing so much that you eat three scoops and pass on putting turkey on your plate.
– Good at being awkward because you don’t feel, “at home,” with this gathering.
– Good at expecting someone to say something awesome about you even though you know those expectations doom you into disappointment.
– Good at having to tell the host you are vegan even when they roll their eyes, so you bring your own plate of food and label it, “vegan.”
– Good at being angry that your X has a new partner and you don’t and he has the kids this year.
– Good at clicking the camera because you love Facebook.
– Good at “faking it” because it is the right thing to be ok with your son spending the holidays with his girlfriend’s family and not you. Yes, he gets to lead now. He is an adult. You get to not really like sharing and have to do it anyhow.
– Good at being tearful because this is the last family gathering with the grandparents around the table. Raising your glass to toast the elders you will always honor.
– Good at being the only one overweight in the room and still having yams, “just a bit of yams, thanks.”
– Good at honestly and deeply being grateful that you are here and your life, as it is right now, is good enough. You are enough. So if you fall during the holidays, you know how to get back up and remind yourself, that you are doing the best you can right now and you are a very loving person, even with a skinned knee and puffy eyes.
May you enjoy what makes you happy at your Thanksgiving Holiday and surprise someone with the gratitude you feel for them being in your life. You just can’t say it enough, I APPRECIATE YOU BEING SO……. With ME.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Thank you, Pacific Palisades High School, for inviting my photographs and gift cards, to be part of your fund raiser and holiday boutique.
If any of you are in the area Saturday, November 22, stop by for fifty creative vendor gift ideas and delicious food.
Enjoy your thanksgiving holiday. 
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next? Empty Nest Support Services (800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040 Los Angeles Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
A man shared with me that he felt numb in his relationship. “What does that feel like, numb?” He quietly said, “without, without anything.”
His story is not singular. He would have gone on with his daily routine except that his girlfriend gave him a line, “wake up to yourself and then sleep with me.”
She shares that she works on herself because it makes her feel safe. She mostly relies on herself. The unavailability of her partner was draining her because she needed some depth that went beyond work chat, goals, and dinner with friends, vacation, decorating, and morning gym workout.
She figured out what was bothering her with him. He wasn’t feeling the same bother. He could say to her, “I get what you are saying. I just don’t spend time that way. I don’t work on myself like that.”
His bravery to sit without answers and be so uncomfortable surprised him. I sat with him as he did a free flowing write, “Without anything, without anything, without anything, I feel safe.” There is where we began… exploring safety and exploring not feeling safe.
He had no idea that beneath his charm and success lay a young one, sleeping alone, familiar with his solitude from anything but the top cover.
Of course there is much more to his dear story that he allows me to share with you. He has met a part of himself that had to go dormant to feel safe. He has been with a woman that he believes is the love of his life. That love fuels his attending to WITHOUT. Down the road of time together, we eventually joked about how he rarely goes in the ocean or a swimming pool, let alone, walking around in his bathing suit. Now he dives from the board into the depth of his waters. He longs to feel love deeper, even if he hits the bottom and needs to just float awhile on and off his journey towards depth of life.
She had no idea he hurt. He had no idea what was possible.
Oh to begin and trust that you will be ok. You are loved.
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Mistakes. We think we can explain to ourselves why we did what we did and then let it go, but that is easier said than done.
In our group each of us shared what happened during the week that triggered our inner critic. “I talked too much and wanted to listen more. I over gave presents, rather than one gift. I repeated my needs over and over to my husband, like seven times in a row.”
Sounds silly, but the meal I cooked turned out so boring and tasteless. I didn’t make the time to see my mom at the hospital every day, even though I went two days before. I didn’t speak up at work about my creative idea because I thought it wasn’t good enough. I said I would make calls about being part of a new project and didn’t. I didn’t even go for a long walk, let alone the gym. I wanted to break up with my boyfriend but just feared being alone and we always do a big Halloween party here.
Those are part of the inner critic voices in our group. What does your critic say to you?
Your inner critic doesn’t disappear. It does get less attention when you practice hearing it, and doing a reality check, “Yes, I don’t like that I did that. It is not the end of the world. I am sorry.” You will find your own words to chat with your critic.
Key is to practice catching yourself sooner from giving it attention over and over and believing that it is such a big deal. Maybe you can’t get over it because you keep spinning it as a distraction from doing something else, or your perfectionist, or your younger self that has a need to always be liked or right or your unrealistic expectations of yourself and others that blinds you. Expectations unmet can spiral you down, don’t you think? Check in with your expectations to see if reality or fantasy.
I think one way to move on is to see the bigger picture… maybe you are practicing being kind to yourself despite a mistake so you have an experience where you did a behavior you don’t like and now have a chance to LET IT BE rather than ruin your day . Do you over think why you did what you did? Sometimes your strength, like problem solving, can turn into your shadow, like inner critic who doesn’t LET IT BE. “I am good at that and today I wasn’t.”
Another way to shift is too notice where there have been worse things that happen and you are still here and ok. One person shared how she gave a party for some important people in her life and it rained and she had no backup plan. Guests were unhappy and she blamed herself for weeks. That was, as she said it, one of the worse mistakes she made. Another person shared having to get over the fact that she got caught gossiping and didn’t want to be seen as THAT kind of person.
Mistakes happen. It isn’t easy to find a way to LET IT BE. It is possible with practice. Imagine how much more relaxed you could feel, if you say, WELL, that didn’t go well. I didn’t mean for it to go in that direction. Not totally sure what that was all about… You will discover ways to move on and be kind to yourself. Sometimes we can’t get the answers we need of WHY something happened. Sometimes, it is another part of us that just got center stage even when we didn’t want them too.
What do you want to get over today?
Take care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
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