In my group, sweet Susan said with a slight laugh, Loss is necessary but is empty nest?
We were talking about the losses over our life. Susan was having a sad day. Her bottom line was, I tried for months to get pregnant, then bed rest, then raise him alone after age two, no one told me loss is necessary and he will leave, and won’t put a thank- you note in my mailbox.
They did show commercials for food, toys, and diapers. Experts on morning talk shows tell us how to talk to our kids and how to get our kids to talk. Watch for signs of depression, drug use, partying when you aren’t home and don’t let them have sex, but how come there were no doctors or experts saying, AND DON’T LEAVE HOME cause your mama will cry.
Susan and all of us laughed after passing her Kleenex. She gave me an idea for the group:
I said; let’s throw out ideas for a comedy movie we will write called “YOUR MAMA WILL CRY”
– Your mama will cry if she is not your best friend
– Your mama will cry if you don’t call her.
– Your mama will cry if you don’t say she is the best mama a kid could ever have.
– Your mama will cry if you don’t let her live with you.
– Your mama will cry if she doesn’t like your partner
– Your mama will cry if you don’t come for Sunday dinner
– Your mama will cry if you don’t spend the holidays with her.
Well, you get the idea . . . Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
It has been an intense time. It is a time to review our core values. For me, when I remember that I am more than what I am in the midst of living, then I can be present with perseverance and hope.
– Review your talents.
– Check out how you are doing with your self-worth rather than allowing your inner critic to blind you.
– Get outside and look at the changing colors.
– Focus on what is working in your life.
– Speak up.
– Take baby steps for newness.
– Lower your expectations in order not to set yourself up for being hurt. Reality check helps.
– Differences allow for curiosity and compassion.
– Notice what limits you and stop the chatter. Stand tall.
I could go on and on with what I need to hear myself remember, but fortunately for you and for me, I need to get out the door.
LOVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
When people share their tears and laughs with me, there are times the topic is about what hasn’t happened at this stage of their life and they wish it had, and what they want to stop obsessing about that they don’t have. Who can’t relate to those thoughts?
With the end of summer, stories were shared about trips they couldn’t afford to take, kids leaving for college, again, marriages which weren’t theirs, downsizing and looking for a new home to buy with little inventory on the market, health challenges that limit their fun, not enough time to meander, unfulfilled jobs, lack of meaning, the list goes on .
Tips:
1. Write about your happiness. Yes, write what is working in your life that makes you happy. Write on your computer, paper, notes, whatever gives you a space to express.
2. Write about what didn’t come around and you so wanted it.
3. Share with someone you trust. Trust is a gift a friend gives you because you could really hurt them if you revealed what they asked you not to share with others.
4. Remind yourself grieving is expected. Let it unfold for you and not on an expectation time.
5. Schedule something nurturing for you: time in nature, music, massage, comfort food, spirit time, a good movie in bed, a friend to listen to you, an appreciation list of who you are no matter what, bath time with lavender and candles, a gift you buy yourself, a possible night in a hotel…
How are you at keeping a window open for what you long to receive and how are you for closing it when needed in order to empty and allow another vase to fill?
You might want to walk those questions as a way to learn more about who you are and who you are not at this time.
May gentleness and inspirations be with you,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Hello,
My last child is off to college. This is the worst time I have had with goodbye.
I thought practice would make it easier. No, it is so sad and exciting at the same time. I have no idea what is next for me.
The house so empty of their friends and parents. My having more free time for what, I don’t know, makes me anxious.
Did I teach them enough to be safe? Will they handle their challenges or be calling me too often?
I wish there was a group here in my town. We need each other because my friends don’t get it since their kids are still at home.
What did you do the first week to handle this change?
Thanks.
Meredith
Packing them up, checking the list, finalizing details, as your children are almost in the dorm. You are shocked that this life you have had with your precious one has gone so fast.
Empty nest is not for long because they do come back, but for now, that is not what you are thinking and feeling.
It is so normal to feel tearful, even having the ugly cries. The role you love is instantly going to change when you come back home from that hug at the dorm.
You know the role you played as a parent and who they were as your child will be different.
Change is lonely and scary at times.
For now, plan for you.
– Focus on what you need when the house is silent.
– Get some videos.
– Have coffee and talk time scheduled with a friend.
– Get nurtured and rest.
– Put a flowering plant in your bedroom.
– Start your journal.
– Pause before you text or instant message them. Do you need to call a friend for comfort and let your child be?
– Ask a friend to email you in the mornings and evenings just to have some connection and not isolation the first week.
– Write a list of what is fun for you and what you are good at when you have the energy to dream again.
At first, you might be feeling immobile and simply grieving. Normal for sure. Ask for help.
Take good care of yourself and be gentle in this major transition.
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Whether solo or with a friend, summer invites you to get out and see what you haven’t had the chance to explore. Our groups, which sometimes meet on the telephone, all agreed, that two days of getting out of town, lifted their spirits while in a transition. They laughed at how some decisions are easy, like getting out of town, and others feel spin them into exhaustion.
Here is a short list of what they have been doing:
1. Local gardens
2. Kayaking
3. Luxury hotel night
4. Always food and wine where the locals eat
5. Golf courses
6. Lakes and beaches
7. Games on the lawn like Apple to Apple or horse shoes
8. Train rides
9. Reading in hammocks
10. Dancing
11. Outside concerts
12. Rooftop bars with twinkle lights
13. Farmer’s markets
14. Summer sales
15. Photographing
16. Hiking
17. Sleeping outside
18. Meditating on a rock by water
19. Yoga on the beach
20.and what have you been doing for summer fun?
You aren’t the only one who forgets to give yourself PERMISSION to HAVE FUN, which might be, oh guilt oh guilt, watching tv in the day and eating popcorn in bed.
Your practice, this week, could be to plan a fun day with yourself and another day with one person. Do you think you will? Leave the guilt voice back home and turn up the giggle. Most of us are so productive and generous with others, we forget our own mirror.
HAPPY SUMMER,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
I took my group on a Sunday silent walk. We walked with the word SURPRISE. When we got back we shared what surprised us today.
Here are a few comments:
• I never noticed beauty so close to the dirt.
• I was so relaxed walking in nature with one word in my mind.
• I am going to keep looking for beauty daily.
• Beauty does inspire me.
• I am taking my repetitive fears and dumping them in the garbage.
• I am going to make a collage of torn photos just like you did and see the beauty.
• I need to make time to just walk in nature and not jog.
• I don’t have to know where I am going.
There were more shares from our walk and those are ones I want to share with you today. What word would you choose to have for a day that could walk with you? What surprises do you hope to receive that make you smile? Simply begin. Yes, you hear me say that all the time. Begin something.
Getting to know more about who you are, and who you aren’t, makes new choices, actually fun. You discover what is a good thing, what is missing, and what surprise could come your way without your having to fix yourself, stress about not changing or push too hard. So what word would you like to walk with for a day?
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
People call and ask me what to do next? Rarely do they ask about how to have fun. They don’t make time for fun days and they don’t have it on their list.
When we do talk about the value of fun, they always say, “Oh yeah, I forgot.”
No matter what your finances, get outside. Take a short road trip. Visit museums. Walk in nature. Plant something and care for it. Baby-sit a dog. Listen to outside concerts in the park.
I know some of you say, “Well, I am alone and I don’t want to go alone.” I understand and why miss out on fun. You can leave early. Get tastes of the world all around you.
Mark something on your calendar that would be fun for you.
My friend is taking a one day class on how to make jewelry at her local park. Another woman is volunteering at camp for arts and crafts time.
A gentleman decided to learn to cook and hopes to meet women, of course. He will , won’t he? Now where are the men for women? Are they at your yoga classes? That is another blog.
When is the last time you put your toes in the ocean? When did you play in a swimming pool with a beach ball? What about renting a bike?
Sometimes we over think and never get out the door.
Here is to play time in the beauty of summer and these late warm nights for star gazing.
Mark your calendar for FUN….
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
I am asked that question over and over. I know they can. I know I can. I have my history to remind me. You have yours if you make time to sit with you or walk with you and remember times you shifted.
It is helpful to discover what your motivation is for the change. Is it fatigue, boredom, clock is ticking, loneliness, lack of meaning, hurting others, etc.?
What I also notice is it takes time for people to ask for help AND people over think, rather than BEGINNING. Some tell themselves they can figure it out themselves, they don’t want to spend the time or money or they have a bad track record and have lost motivation. Your head is spinning you in the unhealthy cycle. Jump off that track that hasn’t been working for you and BEGIN a new direction of behaviors.
I could tell you stories of how people begin, how they stopped over thinking and spinning, how they make better decisions now, how they listen more and PAUSE in life, how they feel lighter and giggle more. I love story telling. I will share those another time. For now, here are a few ideas to ponder:
• What are you telling yourself daily that may be fantasy vs. reality?
• Who do you want to help you?
• What do you need to begin?
• What’s the worst thing that could happen and what’s the best?
• Do you see yourself as resilient, one who falls and stands tall over and over? Why yes? Why no?
• Who are you jealous of today? Who might be jealous of you? How can that shift your perception about making a small change?
• What do you adore about yourself?
We all have our stories. Who is ready to write a new chapter? Who wants a hand to hold as they begin? Ask someone for help, your sibling, friend, therapist, clergy, partner, co -worker. Pick someone you know who is trustworthy. Pick someone who is good at motivating and accountability. BEGIN.
My clients want to make me monogrammed towels that say BEGIN…. Yes, it is one of my favorite actions.
Let me know how you are doing. It is actually fun to BEGIN and learn more about who you are and who you are not. Then, you get to gather new inner and outer resources to yes, BEGIN…. OK, you can send me a monogrammed towel…
Take care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Does the memory of your dad bring a smile? It does for me. In our group, many of us have lost our dad. Still Father’s Day is around the corner. Some treasure just this one more time with dad, Sunday, at their house, wondering if it will be the last Father’s Day together. Gratitude for another time to simply sit in the same room with dad even if he doesn’t have much to say.
Other parents love watching their little ones run to the door to let grandpa in, “Grandpa, we have a present for you.” Parents will visit homes and hospitals, call in the morning for sweet hellos to dad who lives out of town, sisters who call their brothers asking,” how is Father’s Day going for you? I think you are a good dad.”
Grieving will sit at the table on Sunday, as well. Who wouldn’t be sad missing someone they love or didn’t have enough time with or wish for something that didn’t come around from dad?
Calendar holidays are pauses … surprising memories, appreciations, chances to be accepting this time, and special treats to share. My dad loved golf and chocolate pie on a Sunday.
I adored my dad. He was an anchor for me. He died. I deeply wept and still do at times. Loving someone is a lifetime gift. Knowing they loved you is a treasure. Tears will fall. Love will do that to you.
Fathers, you deeply matter in the lives of your children and grandchildren. Enjoy your role. Let them know what you love about them and what you love about yourself. Everyone likes a good story. Go for it. All of us can share stories about our dad with a friend or partner, sibling, or children.
Well, you know I love rituals; storytelling is part of the ritual. What rituals do you do on FATHER’S DAY?
Happy Father’s Day,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
A woman shared with me that after journaling, talking, walking, and deep prayer on her knees after our sessions, she had no idea she could handle not having answers of what to do. She wanted me to talk about this as long as I didn’t mention her name. Her personality is a go getter, make it happen and make it happen now. NOW.
She became so identified with the problem solver and doer that she made no room for the unknown. She filled it. She rushed into a void. Through deeper conversations that she allowed me to anchor for her, she smiled. “I have more to learn about myself. I thought I knew me well until this pain left me with no answers. I felt trapped because I couldn’t get busy. I couldn’t get over the pain. I couldn’t stop feeling hurt. Yes, this pain, for the first time, gave me the chance to still like me and not have answers. I’m ok now.”
When you allow yourself compassion and curiosity, not having answers, yet, won’t drown you. Being right where you are with challenges and holding your hand, as well as, allowing someone to help you, is a solution.
There is a gift in not knowing. It takes you out of your routine and opens you to new parts of yourself. Parts of you go dormant for good reason. You can call them up and get to know them.
One woman called on her inner artist who she left behind in third grade. She asked, “What do you think I can do with purse making? Can I add more to the purse decorations or keep them as they are with the simple straw weavings? This idea of talking to your inner third grade artist sounds silly and guess what… silly is freeing.
What do you want to bring to the surface that supports you? We have never been taught how to make friends with the unknown. All of us will sit with no answers at some time of our life. Why not get to know that part of you that is ok with no answers for today.
You can walk or sit and have a chat with the part of you that is fine with the unknown. Here is a practice: “HI THERE, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS COMFORTABLE WITH NO ANSWERS. WHAT CAN YOU TEACH ME TODAY?” Then, you softly listen or sense what is delivered to you.
Keep practicing. Yes, more than once a day. A relationship with your inner wisdom will connect with you.
A joy of life is to keep getting to know more about who you are and who you are not. Then you have the fun of gathering what you need inwardly and in the outer world.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
Congratulations, Parents and Students. I love seeing all the smiles and hugs across campus that seem to beam …”We not only did it…. We stand tall today in appreciation for all that helped us” …Now we enter the world with new shiny shoes and hope to step forward, knowing we will fall and STILL, stand again.
Parents, I want you to celebrate all you are and still will be for your children. Around the corner are new chapters of your life… some expected, others unexpected. It is time for you to get to know you, again. Empty time is an invitation for you to dream, reflect, refresh, and slowly ponder what matters to you NOW.
I love this time of year that reminds me of my daughter’s graduation and nephews, who gathered us in celebration of possibilities and love. The memories re-fuel joy for me and the privilege of being educated, having a job, and making choices.
Happy celebrations, families,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Maria Shriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org