Was it falling in love, a teacher who believed in you, a trauma, a pet, a book, a meditation, etc.?
Your experiences are fun to share. Recall memories. Share with others. As people gather over the holidays or even if you are going solo this year, share memories with yourself.
We forget to spend time in the good of life.
Thanksgiving and holiday time brings out the shine, goodies and beauty, as well as, my black stretch pants. I love the holidays for its anticipation, creativity, memories of loved ones, sentiments, and new traditions.
When we travel and gather, like a decorated room, we mix and match. We move our life around, like chairs, and hope for comfort and connection.
I know holidays also bring expectations and disappointments from the mundane, like the turkey isn’t done yet, to the forgotten biscuits and the tasteless gravy. Mistakes happen. Tiredness sets in. Feelings of being unseen. Weeping for what was. And, of course, the hope for leftover turkey and stuffing sandwiches. Expectations, part of being human. You can keep awareness that might sound like this, “well, that is unrealistic that she is going to…… that they will…… “You can also ask for what you need in the moment, “Can someone move those chairs and come in the kitchen to dice?”
There is planning and then there is letting go. There is having an image of what you want and then there is simply the reality that life happens. When life happens, like illness, break ups, loss, it isn’t a punishment. It is life. You might tell yourself you are to blame or you failed and that might not be true. What is true is you have another opportunity to treat yourself well no matter what happens. You seem to forget that part is available to you as a choice.
Changes, like empty nest, bring up past losses and worries. Your inner critic may have a feast saying things in your head that aren’t true.
Our group shared what worries them:
In my group, sweet Susan said with a slight laugh, Loss is necessary but is empty nest?
We were talking about the losses over our life. Susan was having a sad day. Her bottom line was, I tried for months to get pregnant, then bed rest, then raise him alone after age two, no one told me loss is necessary and he will leave, and won’t put a thank- you note in my mailbox.
They did show commercials for food, toys, and diapers. Experts on morning talk shows tell us how to talk to our kids and how to get our kids to talk. Watch for signs of depression, drug use, partying when you aren’t home and don’t let them have sex, but how come there were no doctors or experts saying, AND DON’T LEAVE HOME cause your mama will cry.
Susan and all of us laughed after passing her Kleenex. She gave me an idea for the group:
I said; let’s throw out ideas for a comedy movie we will write called “YOUR MAMA WILL CRY”
– Your mama will cry if she is not your best friend
– Your mama will cry if you don’t call her.
– Your mama will cry if you don’t say she is the best mama a kid could ever have.
– Your mama will cry if you don’t let her live with you.
– Your mama will cry if she doesn’t like your partner
– Your mama will cry if you don’t come for Sunday dinner
– Your mama will cry if you don’t spend the holidays with her.
Well, you get the idea . . . Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
It has been an intense time. It is a time to review our core values. For me, when I remember that I am more than what I am in the midst of living, then I can be present with perseverance and hope.
– Review your talents.
– Check out how you are doing with your self-worth rather than allowing your inner critic to blind you.
– Get outside and look at the changing colors.
– Focus on what is working in your life.
– Speak up.
– Take baby steps for newness.
– Lower your expectations in order not to set yourself up for being hurt. Reality check helps.
– Differences allow for curiosity and compassion.
– Notice what limits you and stop the chatter. Stand tall.
I could go on and on with what I need to hear myself remember, but fortunately for you and for me, I need to get out the door.
LOVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
When people share their tears and laughs with me, there are times the topic is about what hasn’t happened at this stage of their life and they wish it had, and what they want to stop obsessing about that they don’t have. Who can’t relate to those thoughts?
With the end of summer, stories were shared about trips they couldn’t afford to take, kids leaving for college, again, marriages which weren’t theirs, downsizing and looking for a new home to buy with little inventory on the market, health challenges that limit their fun, not enough time to meander, unfulfilled jobs, lack of meaning, the list goes on .
Tips:
1. Write about your happiness. Yes, write what is working in your life that makes you happy. Write on your computer, paper, notes, whatever gives you a space to express.
2. Write about what didn’t come around and you so wanted it.
3. Share with someone you trust. Trust is a gift a friend gives you because you could really hurt them if you revealed what they asked you not to share with others.
4. Remind yourself grieving is expected. Let it unfold for you and not on an expectation time.
5. Schedule something nurturing for you: time in nature, music, massage, comfort food, spirit time, a good movie in bed, a friend to listen to you, an appreciation list of who you are no matter what, bath time with lavender and candles, a gift you buy yourself, a possible night in a hotel…
How are you at keeping a window open for what you long to receive and how are you for closing it when needed in order to empty and allow another vase to fill?
You might want to walk those questions as a way to learn more about who you are and who you are not at this time.
May gentleness and inspirations be with you,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Hello,
My last child is off to college. This is the worst time I have had with goodbye.
I thought practice would make it easier. No, it is so sad and exciting at the same time. I have no idea what is next for me.
The house so empty of their friends and parents. My having more free time for what, I don’t know, makes me anxious.
Did I teach them enough to be safe? Will they handle their challenges or be calling me too often?
I wish there was a group here in my town. We need each other because my friends don’t get it since their kids are still at home.
What did you do the first week to handle this change?
Thanks.
Meredith
Packing them up, checking the list, finalizing details, as your children are almost in the dorm. You are shocked that this life you have had with your precious one has gone so fast.
Empty nest is not for long because they do come back, but for now, that is not what you are thinking and feeling.
It is so normal to feel tearful, even having the ugly cries. The role you love is instantly going to change when you come back home from that hug at the dorm.
You know the role you played as a parent and who they were as your child will be different.
Change is lonely and scary at times.
For now, plan for you.
– Focus on what you need when the house is silent.
– Get some videos.
– Have coffee and talk time scheduled with a friend.
– Get nurtured and rest.
– Put a flowering plant in your bedroom.
– Start your journal.
– Pause before you text or instant message them. Do you need to call a friend for comfort and let your child be?
– Ask a friend to email you in the mornings and evenings just to have some connection and not isolation the first week.
– Write a list of what is fun for you and what you are good at when you have the energy to dream again.
At first, you might be feeling immobile and simply grieving. Normal for sure. Ask for help.
Take good care of yourself and be gentle in this major transition.
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Whether solo or with a friend, summer invites you to get out and see what you haven’t had the chance to explore. Our groups, which sometimes meet on the telephone, all agreed, that two days of getting out of town, lifted their spirits while in a transition. They laughed at how some decisions are easy, like getting out of town, and others feel spin them into exhaustion.
Here is a short list of what they have been doing:
1. Local gardens
2. Kayaking
3. Luxury hotel night
4. Always food and wine where the locals eat
5. Golf courses
6. Lakes and beaches
7. Games on the lawn like Apple to Apple or horse shoes
8. Train rides
9. Reading in hammocks
10. Dancing
11. Outside concerts
12. Rooftop bars with twinkle lights
13. Farmer’s markets
14. Summer sales
15. Photographing
16. Hiking
17. Sleeping outside
18. Meditating on a rock by water
19. Yoga on the beach
20.and what have you been doing for summer fun?
You aren’t the only one who forgets to give yourself PERMISSION to HAVE FUN, which might be, oh guilt oh guilt, watching tv in the day and eating popcorn in bed.
Your practice, this week, could be to plan a fun day with yourself and another day with one person. Do you think you will? Leave the guilt voice back home and turn up the giggle. Most of us are so productive and generous with others, we forget our own mirror.
HAPPY SUMMER,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
I took my group on a Sunday silent walk. We walked with the word SURPRISE. When we got back we shared what surprised us today.
Here are a few comments:
• I never noticed beauty so close to the dirt.
• I was so relaxed walking in nature with one word in my mind.
• I am going to keep looking for beauty daily.
• Beauty does inspire me.
• I am taking my repetitive fears and dumping them in the garbage.
• I am going to make a collage of torn photos just like you did and see the beauty.
• I need to make time to just walk in nature and not jog.
• I don’t have to know where I am going.
There were more shares from our walk and those are ones I want to share with you today. What word would you choose to have for a day that could walk with you? What surprises do you hope to receive that make you smile? Simply begin. Yes, you hear me say that all the time. Begin something.
Getting to know more about who you are, and who you aren’t, makes new choices, actually fun. You discover what is a good thing, what is missing, and what surprise could come your way without your having to fix yourself, stress about not changing or push too hard. So what word would you like to walk with for a day?
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
People call and ask me what to do next? Rarely do they ask about how to have fun. They don’t make time for fun days and they don’t have it on their list.
When we do talk about the value of fun, they always say, “Oh yeah, I forgot.”
No matter what your finances, get outside. Take a short road trip. Visit museums. Walk in nature. Plant something and care for it. Baby-sit a dog. Listen to outside concerts in the park.
I know some of you say, “Well, I am alone and I don’t want to go alone.” I understand and why miss out on fun. You can leave early. Get tastes of the world all around you.
Mark something on your calendar that would be fun for you.
My friend is taking a one day class on how to make jewelry at her local park. Another woman is volunteering at camp for arts and crafts time.
A gentleman decided to learn to cook and hopes to meet women, of course. He will , won’t he? Now where are the men for women? Are they at your yoga classes? That is another blog.
When is the last time you put your toes in the ocean? When did you play in a swimming pool with a beach ball? What about renting a bike?
Sometimes we over think and never get out the door.
Here is to play time in the beauty of summer and these late warm nights for star gazing.
Mark your calendar for FUN….
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org