I am asked that question over and over. I know they can. I know I can. I have my history to remind me. You have yours if you make time to sit with you or walk with you and remember times you shifted.
It is helpful to discover what your motivation is for the change. Is it fatigue, boredom, clock is ticking, loneliness, lack of meaning, hurting others, etc.?
What I also notice is it takes time for people to ask for help AND people over think, rather than BEGINNING. Some tell themselves they can figure it out themselves, they don’t want to spend the time or money or they have a bad track record and have lost motivation. Your head is spinning you in the unhealthy cycle. Jump off that track that hasn’t been working for you and BEGIN a new direction of behaviors.
I could tell you stories of how people begin, how they stopped over thinking and spinning, how they make better decisions now, how they listen more and PAUSE in life, how they feel lighter and giggle more. I love story telling. I will share those another time. For now, here are a few ideas to ponder:
• What are you telling yourself daily that may be fantasy vs. reality?
• Who do you want to help you?
• What do you need to begin?
• What’s the worst thing that could happen and what’s the best?
• Do you see yourself as resilient, one who falls and stands tall over and over? Why yes? Why no?
• Who are you jealous of today? Who might be jealous of you? How can that shift your perception about making a small change?
• What do you adore about yourself?
We all have our stories. Who is ready to write a new chapter? Who wants a hand to hold as they begin? Ask someone for help, your sibling, friend, therapist, clergy, partner, co -worker. Pick someone you know who is trustworthy. Pick someone who is good at motivating and accountability. BEGIN.
My clients want to make me monogrammed towels that say BEGIN…. Yes, it is one of my favorite actions.
Let me know how you are doing. It is actually fun to BEGIN and learn more about who you are and who you are not. Then, you get to gather new inner and outer resources to yes, BEGIN…. OK, you can send me a monogrammed towel…
Take care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Does the memory of your dad bring a smile? It does for me. In our group, many of us have lost our dad. Still Father’s Day is around the corner. Some treasure just this one more time with dad, Sunday, at their house, wondering if it will be the last Father’s Day together. Gratitude for another time to simply sit in the same room with dad even if he doesn’t have much to say.
Other parents love watching their little ones run to the door to let grandpa in, “Grandpa, we have a present for you.” Parents will visit homes and hospitals, call in the morning for sweet hellos to dad who lives out of town, sisters who call their brothers asking,” how is Father’s Day going for you? I think you are a good dad.”
Grieving will sit at the table on Sunday, as well. Who wouldn’t be sad missing someone they love or didn’t have enough time with or wish for something that didn’t come around from dad?
Calendar holidays are pauses … surprising memories, appreciations, chances to be accepting this time, and special treats to share. My dad loved golf and chocolate pie on a Sunday.
I adored my dad. He was an anchor for me. He died. I deeply wept and still do at times. Loving someone is a lifetime gift. Knowing they loved you is a treasure. Tears will fall. Love will do that to you.
Fathers, you deeply matter in the lives of your children and grandchildren. Enjoy your role. Let them know what you love about them and what you love about yourself. Everyone likes a good story. Go for it. All of us can share stories about our dad with a friend or partner, sibling, or children.
Well, you know I love rituals; storytelling is part of the ritual. What rituals do you do on FATHER’S DAY?
Happy Father’s Day,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
A woman shared with me that after journaling, talking, walking, and deep prayer on her knees after our sessions, she had no idea she could handle not having answers of what to do. She wanted me to talk about this as long as I didn’t mention her name. Her personality is a go getter, make it happen and make it happen now. NOW.
She became so identified with the problem solver and doer that she made no room for the unknown. She filled it. She rushed into a void. Through deeper conversations that she allowed me to anchor for her, she smiled. “I have more to learn about myself. I thought I knew me well until this pain left me with no answers. I felt trapped because I couldn’t get busy. I couldn’t get over the pain. I couldn’t stop feeling hurt. Yes, this pain, for the first time, gave me the chance to still like me and not have answers. I’m ok now.”
When you allow yourself compassion and curiosity, not having answers, yet, won’t drown you. Being right where you are with challenges and holding your hand, as well as, allowing someone to help you, is a solution.
There is a gift in not knowing. It takes you out of your routine and opens you to new parts of yourself. Parts of you go dormant for good reason. You can call them up and get to know them.
One woman called on her inner artist who she left behind in third grade. She asked, “What do you think I can do with purse making? Can I add more to the purse decorations or keep them as they are with the simple straw weavings? This idea of talking to your inner third grade artist sounds silly and guess what… silly is freeing.
What do you want to bring to the surface that supports you? We have never been taught how to make friends with the unknown. All of us will sit with no answers at some time of our life. Why not get to know that part of you that is ok with no answers for today.
You can walk or sit and have a chat with the part of you that is fine with the unknown. Here is a practice: “HI THERE, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS COMFORTABLE WITH NO ANSWERS. WHAT CAN YOU TEACH ME TODAY?” Then, you softly listen or sense what is delivered to you.
Keep practicing. Yes, more than once a day. A relationship with your inner wisdom will connect with you.
A joy of life is to keep getting to know more about who you are and who you are not. Then you have the fun of gathering what you need inwardly and in the outer world.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
Congratulations, Parents and Students. I love seeing all the smiles and hugs across campus that seem to beam …”We not only did it…. We stand tall today in appreciation for all that helped us” …Now we enter the world with new shiny shoes and hope to step forward, knowing we will fall and STILL, stand again.
Parents, I want you to celebrate all you are and still will be for your children. Around the corner are new chapters of your life… some expected, others unexpected. It is time for you to get to know you, again. Empty time is an invitation for you to dream, reflect, refresh, and slowly ponder what matters to you NOW.
I love this time of year that reminds me of my daughter’s graduation and nephews, who gathered us in celebration of possibilities and love. The memories re-fuel joy for me and the privilege of being educated, having a job, and making choices.
Happy celebrations, families,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Maria Shriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
No matter how old you are or what the change is, honestly, you can’t fully prepare. You can comfort yourself. Self-talk, items checked off your list, and a reminder that you can get help. What is the worst that can happen AND what is the best?
You forget to ask both.
Remember your past where you weren’t sure what to do or what would happen. What worked for you and what would you shift?
Change happens over and over. You get to practice, go for it, try again, weep, stand tall, fall, and know you are loved no matter what.
I remember a woman sharing with me that her best practice when she started spinning fear in her head was to tell herself, STOP IT. THIS ISN’T HELPING YOU OR ANYONE ELSE. DO IT DIFFERENTLY.
Begin ways that comfort you. Begin little steps of doing what you haven’t before. You can climb into bed at the end of your day or in the middle.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
It’s not about the kids. It’s me. I thought my life would be different now. I thought I would have a partner that wanted to be fun. Those are the words a woman shared with me and said I could share here.
Have you had that voice in your head?
She knew all about …do what makes you happy….stop waiting for him….you can’t change anyone but yourself….you saw the signs before marriage.
Knowing in your head, all the truths, doesn’t take away the tears. She was young and wondered if it was time to get out of this relationship.
What she needed was to talk and talk. She wanted to weep and felt too vulnerable. Then the tears fell. She let me hold one hand as she wiped her face with the other. She let me put a blanket over her.
She doesn’t hold back at home, expressing to her husband. He gets it. He is sorry. He is who he is for now, is what she shared with me.
She sits in the unknown. Her practice is to be sweet to herself. Be present with the question, notice what she notices as she checks in with herself five times during the day about her thoughts and feelings, and to not push the waters for solutions.
She is a solution person. Quick and detailed. She chose the practices when I offered five.
We chatted with the part of her that wasn’t happy all the time. Tears. Disappointments from friends who didn’t reach towards her. Career that didn’t praise her. Kids clinging to her legs and arms. Then came laughter.
Of course there is more to her inner chat. What she learned about herself was that she has a way of weeping and then finding humor WHEN SHE STOPS and goes within to that resource. She chose to close her door during the day and go within.
No solutions today.
What is happening for you that you didn’t expect? How kind are you to yourself?
Take care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
What is on your dream list? What small step can you take to move forward? When I decided to explore selling our home, my small step was to interview realtors. I let them know I only had twenty to thirty minutes and this time together was simply an exploration.
I wanted to know their marketing plan and pricing of my home. I also needed to like them. Sounds silly to say and yet, I knew the relationship between us mattered. I chose the third broker out of three. We continue to stay in touch.
Dream a dream just for you. Small dreams are satisfying, like weekly time in nature, new creative project, money set aside for a special vacation.
When you know more about who you are and who you aren’t, decisions come easier, dreams get clearer.
If you are the type of person who needs help to stop over thinking an idea, get help. If you are a leader and now want to fall back and allow someone else to lead, who can help you?
If you dream a new career, what resources do you want to begin to gather?
I remember long ago, after a serious illness, I was re-entering the world with wellness. I still didn’t feel two feet solidly on the ground. I did not leap. I stayed in touch, sometimes hour by hour with what my body was feeling and I needed right then.
Healing doesn’t go in a straight line. Change doesn’t either. You stand tall. You fall. You get back up again. No one wants to dream a dream, nor shift without support.
I am heading to teach at The Golden Door for a week (San Diego May 19-26, 2013)
If you want me to come to your community, just email or call. If you want a private session to begin whatever question you are walking, call or email to set a time that works for you. Contact information is below.
Take good care,
Natalie
“You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.”
— C.S. Lewis
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
I had an experience out of town, 3000 miles from home. I was on work and fun time. When I came back home, the impact from those six days, gave me a new idea. I made a call, then another and then a final. Three interviews. I stayed curious with each person. Decision happened. I began the next action. I walked room by room. I sat. I teared up. I jumped up. I stayed up.
Long nights of preparation. Heavy lifting. Choices happened over and over. Questions asked at the table. Lists made. Calendar enlarged. Team player coming, hoping, for flattering light just before dark. Visuals happened. Print landed. Sign stood tall.
Have you guessed the leap? Yes, I put my house on the market. It sold in 14 days.
My twelve-year home, with room memories of children, husband, parents, in-laws, brother, sister, nephews, cousins, friends, Sophie the cat, work, colleagues, art salons, cooking classes, holidays with decorations, music, and layered tables of food, icing and gravy on the floor, paper ripped, fireplaces warming, sleep overs on sofas and airbeds, deep mourning from death, illness to wellness, constantly surrounded by my changing seasonal seeded garden of organic flowers, herbs, and veggies. A small swimming pool refreshed and once was visited by a mallard duck. Hardwood floors, natural light in every room, and of course, a pink bathtub that neither paint nor towels ever complimented. What can you do with a 50’s era of pink? Surrender.
Each season, I would move the furniture. Each season, I would pull in beauty that made the rooms part of nature. A rustic bowl of birch twigs and peppertree branches, glass container of daffodils and lilac, baskets of arugula and spinach with collected beach stones, heirloom and grape tomatoes surrounded by basil, sugar pumpkins on tables. Every day was candle day. Every day was music day. Food was always in the refrigerator no matter how many were home. Cooking was creative and relaxing, satisfying, even for one. No microwave. Yes, French Press for a single black morning cup. Digital camera sat by the French doors on the piano, ready for my 6 am walk in the small garden, morning moist smell, quiet, just me and the birds, and of course, Sophie, following to sip from the side of the pool. I loved the morning anticipation of what I would see and smell in the garden. I had a front-bricked garden. I would go there late afternoon. I never tired of starting my day outside. Then it was work time.
My broker educated me about staging. I didn’t think I would because I thought I had a good eye and feel for space and design. Not the same as staging, as I learned, from the stager. I truly appreciate the staging they did for our home. It delayed time to pack. Guess what; packing happens on time because movers show up.
Friday, open house for brokers. Sunday, open house for the public. Private appointments, happened, day or night. Clorox wipes in the yellow container were my go to for fast sparkle, fluffing all pillows became a routine, as well as, lights on, counters cleared. Couldn’t hide things in cupboards or the washer like I had for a last minute clean up when unexpected guests dropped by before the days of the house being on the market. Buyers open every thing that will open. I waited for my broker to text me, “green light,” which he and I planned in order to signal when I could come back home. My office was at home. Sometimes, I hid in my car, just down the street, close enough to see strangers on my land.
Drum roll…. Can you hear it….Can you feel it? Yes a solid offer. Paperwork was drawn, the to-do list was written, calendar filled; inspection, appraisal, potential buyers visiting, again, with their contractor and broker, my sharing about the neighborhood with them, and them simply being there with their team.
The next day their broker called my broker and mine called me to say, they changed their mind. They had been looking for a year. Their broker was so surprised and the change of plans. Still not sure. WHAT? Shock, disappointment, and of course, rise up again.
Fortunately, we had a backup offer. Think how happy they were when they got that call. Paper work, new couple over with their team. No packing until escrow closes. Inspection, appraisal, you know the list. Meet them. Like them. Gave them a list of restaurants, parks, parades, repair men, gardener, pool guy, my number, extra keys, heater instructions, etc.
Parts of our furniture were piled in the garage, looking like hoarders, as the stagers brought in a different look inside the house. No saying goodbye to staging until escrow closes. I said that before. Living it was trust.
I had two weeks to clean out that garage full of memories from my parents, my daughter’s school days, his parents memories, his stuff, mine, documents, books, seasonal items like lounge chairs and folding chairs. I had three pick-ups for donations, including furniture from outside and in, marked with blue tape, meaning, yes take this.
Shredder and then finally, a company to shred it all, days and nights of memories, tears from photos, letters, cards, art, gifts. Laughter from written things my daughter said, “Tooth fairy, please don’t take my tooth but leave me something. This is my first one and I want it.” Note after note, card after card that she wrote me, “You are the best mom ever.” I read those to her on the phone and we laughed. I texted her photos of them.
I texted questions like, do you really want to keep those year books? She lived and worked out of town. I had forgotten, over the years, much of what I saved.
Now I was ready to toss it. I had piles of keep, donate, not sure, trash, give to friends. I used lawn bags, see through containers, and boxes. Marked them and put that information in a notebook, in case I needed to find it in storage. Yes, storage.
It was easiest to sort and decide room by room in the house than the garage. Clothes, shoes, bags, kitchen, linens, jewelry, jackets, boots, books, art, oh and umbrellas. Do you have too many? Who needs seven? Bubble wrap and cardboard for the photos and art hanging on walls, as well as mirrors, and flat screen TV. I sold some of my photos, better than storing them. I used carry cases that are file boxes for medical and professional and legal papers that I wanted to take with me. Keep sake photos I took with me as well, in those black carry cases, especially a case for my daughter. I knew she would visit and I didn’t want those in storage. I wanted memories to be immediate after the move. Computers and cords, office needs, printer, chair, I wanted that to be with me. Me where?
So I had a pile that went with me, donations, storage items, all labeled and lined up in the rooms. The ones going in our cars were in the front courtyard, in blue IKEA bags, boxes, file carriers, see-through containers like bathroom needs. I packed the trunk of the cars, so they wouldn’t accidentally go to storage. Half of the take with bags were lined up by the door, because the trunk in our cars couldn’t hold them and we didn’t want them visible in the driveway overnight. It was fast and easy to pack it up at 6 am into both our cars. Rolled the bedding and tossed it in the back seat. Packed high and tight. I took my office supplies and work needs. That was my biggest moving concern What if I put something I needed for work, in storage? I packed in my car, memories like photos and candles and a vase. I even picked veggies from the garden and put it in the basket. I brought three plants. Where am I going?
Oh was that a process, harder than we thought it would be because of pricing, location, year lease, and style of the rental. Every weekend I hunted in the city ,(about 45 minutes), as well as, hours on the computer looking at apartments, corporate housing, bungalows, home away from home, VRBO and Craigslist. One Saturday evening, I forced myself to look again at one of the rental services. We were moving in ten days with no place to go. I was tired of looking at rentals, more than tired of packing.
I found a furnished duplex, bottom unit, in a quiet, beautiful, walking, community, not far from the beach with mountains, no smog, and trees. I emailed the host and we connected. “Yes, I will take it and for six months.” The duplex has similar to what I left, white sofas, same roses and yellow orchids in bloom, but no pink tub, still from the 50’s, so blue tile. I keep finding similarities in the duplex, to where I came from. It has been two weeks. I am smiling. Putting purchasing a house on the back burner to integrate this leap.
Entering the unknown of selling and not having a home to buy, yet, has turned out to be a good thing. Time for meandering to see and explore what matters next? What is on your leap list?
If I can help, email or call, natalie@emptynestsupport.com, 818-763-0188.
Happy Spring,
Natalie
“It’s the possibility of having dreams come true, that makes life interesting.” – Paulo Coelho
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Whether kids come back home, or you have no children, boomers don’t want to be invisible. They want to feel that their life learning’s will be of VALUE. Talking with boomers across the country, I have not heard one say that they want to do nothing forever.
The opposite is true for them. They know they will continue to live a long life, which could be thirty more years. They don’t see themselves in rocking chairs on a porch, eating at 4:30, and asleep by 7:30. They do see themselves out and about, learning, contributing, making money, and building new friendships.
Yes, they want to travel. Yes, they want grandchildren. Yes, they want to get fit. Yes, they want to re-marry. They want to live in walking communities, part of vibrancy and all ages of people, not only boomers.
Some have gone back to school to be acupuncturist, physical therapists, teachers, and spiritual teachers. Some have opened their own businesses, like designing jewelry, organizing, wardrobe styling, house staging, stationary, tutoring, etc. Others have asked merchants in their NEIGHBORHOOD for part time work, as a step towards re-entering the work force and a way of being part of a community.
What holds people back is JUDGEMENT about themselves. “I should have found something to do already. I am too old for anyone to hire me. My skills are dusty and people will see right through my flaws. I have no idea where to begin.”
You and everyone else, has a critic voice. Take a step beyond that messenger inside your head. You also have a voice that tells you, you are valuable. Age isn’t that block. You can begin a new anytime.
At this stage of life, you can practice hearing more than one voice and telling yourself, “maybe this is true AND maybe that is true too.” Build a range of inner voices that support you. Top inner voice on your daily list is SELF COMPASSION.
Research, ask for help, be vulnerable and courageous, “I have some free time now, what help do you need?” People have shared with me that they are embarrassed to say they have free time. Why? It makes them feel like they failed, have no friends, or successful career.
They feel needy or they feel inflated. Inflated meaning, everyone should one to be with them, hire them, etc., needy meaning they are desperate for a new life which might show itself as being controlling, pushy, or talking too much.
Who doesn’t have strengths and challenges? Really, who doesn’t? Who doesn’t make mistakes? SORRY I keep doing that to you and haven’t…… THANK YOU for….. is two words, forgotten too often..
You don’t have to say YES, instantly. You can say, “let me think about that.”
I know that sounds obvious to get back to them later, and when you are hungry for CONNECTION, you forget to pause. Not pausing is another reason people don’t re-invent. They fear committing because they forget as adults that they can change their mind. You get to change your mind. Permission granted.
Go. Begin something. Begin anything and see where that leads you. What that teaches you about yourself. Begin. Change doesn’t happen if you don’t begin.
Thank your CHATTERING HEAD for occupying your time and keeping you company. Now meet a NEW PART of yourself that has been WAITING and waiting for you to listen to her/him. Sit and ask, “does anyone within have some positive feedback for me?”
As you know, I RE-INVENTED my career eight years ago. I am happy. I began with an IDEA that I put into action a week later that included a circle of seven women. I reminded myself daily, that I would rather LEARN something new, FALL, get up again, than sit in GLUE. My new career has connected me with ALL AGES of people, creativity, friendships, travel, beauty, spirituality, health, bravery, skills, and more.
Doors I thought would open DIDN’T. Doors I never imagined knocking on OPENED. I am HERE if you want to re-invent and begin, BEGIN with a small step. A step that LIFTS your spirits, as you enter an unknown.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
From nothing, I became something. Mom, his mom.
I am not putting myself down using the word nothing. I am saying it felt like nothing compared to being mom. I am an attorney so yes; it took focus and tough skin to make it.
Being mom was not that. It was natural to give. Giving to him made me so happy. Well, not every day. Sometimes I wanted to bang doors and push delete. I don’t want to go back in time.
I have had a full development of myself as mom. I am ready for the party, the graduation, the milestone. I am not ready for missing him. I am not ready for this next stage of life.
It feels heavy. Aging. Distance. Time without. End of a purpose. I know I am not alone. I just wish all of you were in my town. It helps to be here with others.
I guess I will be here more often after my son leaves and I am here, at my computer, he not in his room, nor soccer, nor the kitchen, nor the car. He is on his way. I am here.
What will be my new way?
Thank you,
Claudine
Sitting in a circle with our women’s group, one of the things I suggested we do was to give each other a massage. “I know nothing about massage, one woman shared, except to get them for myself.”
Being a beginner is full of surprises, I replied.” Let your partner know what kind of touch you like, slow, deep, pauses, light, no talking, sip of water, blanket, music, eye mask, object to hold, etc. Ask for what you want and ask for what you need from each other.
Is this feeling relaxing for you? Do you need Kleenex, a stopping time, do you want to chat? Our group of women has practiced saying what they feel and need, so here is another fun way to connect and learn about themselves.
I could hear giggles and tears. I could hear, oops, sorry. I saw people connecting. I offered to step in if they needed me. I said to the group, ‘just raise your hand and I will come stand by you, be with you and guide if you need me. ‘We had never done this in our women’s group before.
They shared how present they felt because they were using their hands, moving, and they wanted to give “good”, as one woman said.
One woman shared about her, as she called it, floppy tummy. I didn’t care this time that someone saw it nor asked first, which I loved, is it ok if I gently massage here?” Ask before assuming was one of the tips before massaging someone.
Another woman shared that she honestly didn’t want to do this but decided not to listen to that voice. She was glad she silenced that part of her. Fear was speaking, is what she learned.
Bottom line, every woman learned something about themselves and discovered learning inspired them. Mistakes didn’t take away from being inspired. Feeling uncomfortable didn’t either.
Trying something new, is an inspired life, don’t you think?
Happy inspirations to you,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Holidays, traditions, people around the table and those who are no longer here, reflect that change happens. How do you cope?
Over and over, what seems to help is to be with whatever you are thinking and feeling. In our groups we practice knowing when to say stop, enough spinning the story and when we need to keep speaking.
There is no right way or rule. There is the truth that telling our stories is healing. When you are getting exhausted from your story or bored, maybe that is a clue to turn in another direction. Ask those you honestly trust for feedback about what they think would help you.
Sitting in change is uncomfortable. It helps to be open to what might help you. You don’t have to know what the helper is. You can ask for help out loud or within yourself, “Please help me lift this sorrow. Please help me get through this challenge of saying goodbye by knowing I will be OK. Please guide me in ways that are best for my growth.”
You will find your words. It is the intention of asking for help and not the perfection of the words. A deeper level in asking is that you are connecting with yourself and learning more about who you are and who you aren’t today.
A woman shared with me that this year her daughter is leaving for college. They are so close. The holidays are around the corner and she feels caught in wanting to be in the mother role of making a beautiful holiday and another part of her wants to just weep.
She discovered she was putting too much focus on THIS IS THE LAST ONE rather than cooking and decorating in ways she loves and allowing herself to enjoy the chopping and mixing together in the kitchen. She was leaping ahead and might later regret she didn’t enjoy this time together.
Don’t we all do that at times? She is practicing holding both: Yes the rituals of the holidays may change next year AND we get to be together now.
You will be able to handle what changes arrive even if you don’t like them. You just forget that you have handled changes before. You will be more than OK in the unknown, not knowing what is going to happen.
Give yourself permission to simply be human…not super mom, dad, aunt, grandmother, uncle, etc. Be who you are. You are loved. Remind yourself that you have loved them well and they do know it.
Allow yourself to feel all that you and collapse, as well as stand tall, again. These repeats while in the unknown, collapse, and then stand again, over and over.
Rest when you can. Take in the holiday celebrations by looking at the beauty around you and the faces of those gathered.
If you are solo, do a ritual for yourself honoring this fresh SPRING from seeds you planted and can still plant. Appreciate yourself. Weep and celebrate the life you are today. Next holiday might not be the same.
I remember a teacher once said to me, “WE THINK SUFFERING IS A BAD THING. THAT WE ARE BAD IF WE ARE SUFFERING. SUFFERING IS PART OF LIFE AND HAS NO JUDGEMENT.”
May Spring Bloom for you in unexpected happy places,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org