Happy New Beginnings as we enter 2013.
In our group we talked about exciting ideas each of has that includes both our inner and outer world. We shared what behaviors keep us going even when we naturally collapse. Each person wrote two ideas that will help them be kind to themselves no matter what happens in a day.
Most agreed we have habits of focusing more on the challenges than the little happiness’s we experience. As you have heard me say before, tell those habitual voices within that criticize you, “You won’t really do that. You shouldn’t have said that”.
You just keep doing so you don’t have to be with yourself because then you will discover you are a con artist, “THANKS FOR SHARING. I’VE GOT THIS”.
You aren’t going for perfection. Hopefully you are going for getting to know yourself better and how you can love and be loved.
Make a choice, any choice and begin. You get to change your mind. You get to ask for help.
I am very excited about 2013. Part of growing is being able to live in the unknown. Never easy. What you do know is that you will care for yourself no matter what.
Let’s begin together to love the life we have and be open to what unfolds and to what we enjoy.
P.S. One woman wanted me to tell you that she is going to say YES more than NO.
What is something you are thinking about for 2013?
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Holidays are full of memories and gatherings. It is painful when you feel lonely and it seems the rest of the world is cheering and getting together. You feel left out and wonder “why aren’t I invited”? Each year I speak with people naturally weeping about how their life is honestly lonely during the holidays and they can’t wait for it to be over.
Pain is pain. Loss is loss. Who wouldn’t weep when life is not how you hoped it would be.
One tip that helps is:
1. Being solo right now hurts and IT WON’T HURT for always. New ideas will emerge. Next year could be amazing for you….
Change is never without tears. You know the list of things you can do to ease the pain; volunteering, comfort foods and movies, ideas for New Year and You, etc.
Here’s a short story that one of my clients chose to do:
Carrie (not her real name) was divorced and her kids were married. This year was not her year to be with them. It was the in laws celebration. They tried to do it all and just couldn’t.
Carrie made a choice. She was nervous and still she called her neighbor and asked if she could help for the holiday cooking, decorations, errands, and if she could stop by that day. She told them she didn’t have plans. She didn’t want them to have to say yes, come by, so she said, “You can say no and I won’t take it personally. I know it is family, special time.”
She left her embarrassing feeling of not having friends this year, family, or anything to do, and brought up a possibility for herself. What she didn’t know is that there are thousands of people who don’t have plans nor friends around. She didn’t know she had that part of her that could take a risk and ask for something she wanted at holiday time.
Her neighbor has three kids and a big family coming to visit. She was thrilled to have Carrie’s help. She acknowledged how out of the box and refreshing it is when someone asks for what they want. She and her neighbor didn’t see each other much during the year and still Carrie felt the good neighbor feeling.
Now she has that day to look forward to and not feel as lonely.
Another woman chose to make her home beautiful for herself and to celebrate all that she appreciates about herself and what she has given in her lifetime. She wrote the list on brown paper and taped it on her bedroom wall. She began writing what she wants to let go of and what she wants to bring towards her.
Christmas Eve she will walk in to her local church and listen to holiday music, leaving a donation since she isn’t a member. Still, sad, she wants something that puts her with others during the holiday.
2. WHAT DOESN’T HELP is to spin in your precious head about why you are left out or what is wrong with you? Stop that voice so it doesn’t take away from the inner and outer beauty of you. Treat yourself, and don’t feel like you shouldn’t, to something that lifts your spirits….candles, plants, cozy pajamas, slippers, etc.
May joy come your way and peace sit in your heart. You are not alone. You matter more than you remember.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
I don’t know that people talk about this much. I need to. I am alone. I don’t really like the holidays and want them to be off the TV and calendar.
I sound selfish. I would not be if I could find a new direction. All the losses come up for me this time of year. I will serve at the Mission for the Homeless and still I cry.
What do you do when you feel alone for the holidays? I actually go to bed early which I never use to do. I walk in the day. I work.
When you talk about losing meaning, I guess I have. I am ready to find new meaning. Thank goodness for the light of candles.
Any ideas or does anyone else feel lonely at the holidays? Thank you.
I can’t believe my story is the only one. We all lose people we love or they move away. Tears are good. Hope needs to build, I guess.
A woman shared with me that as she was rumbling through her holiday boxes to decorate, she found stacks of boxes. She opened them. Over and over she kept hearing herself ask, “Why did I save this concert ticket, these match boxes, this writing, those papers?”
Long story short, what she found about herself is that she is ready to let go. At the time, those goodies mattered as memories. Now, as she said, “I don’t need the stuff to remember. I need open, empty space, to begin anew.”
During the holiday break from work and routine, she also found herself ready to downsize her living space.
I asked her if anything in the boxes made her tearful, “Yes, the things that will be no more and the joy that those brought me at that time.”
She has begun the journey, again, of getting to know who she is and who she isn’t. What she will need to gather for inside and outside resources as she steps up for change.
I get so excited when someone wants the support to explore. I asked her if there were moments that she was torn about tossing or keeping something from the boxes. “I easily let go of some things and others I tossed quickly so I wouldn’t over think. I kept remembering that I have it all within, and stacking it up to only to unstack wasn’t necessary today. There were things I needed to leave and come back to another day.”
What surprised her was how much easier it was to toss than she thought it would be. She is sentimental. She also realized that she has a good month of cleaning out, working maybe an hour a day, to clear her space. She felt vulnerable with not knowing what’s next and made that unknown OK for today.
A big reminder that I shared with her and now you is there may come a time in your life when your inner world has a deeper meaning than the size of your outer world. Begin the cleanup. Allow yourself to explore more of who you are today and who you want to grow into as you hopefully pull up patience and self-love during a change. Ask for help.
Take good care.
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
“The friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you.”
Elbert Hubbard
Memories rise up. People we have spent time with and those we no longer can see, come visiting in our minds and hearts. Memories are a good thing. We fear the tears, the loneliness, and we long for connections.
What I appreciate about the human spirit is we get to begin, again. We get to be brave and make up new traditions, break some rules, and allow who we are today to simply be happy.
Some people have communities and others don’t. Some join with friends and some with family. Some think the grass is greener on the other side. Bottom line, many thoughts wave bye during the holidays.
What I wish for you, is that no matter what, you return to being kind to yourself and treating yourself well.
Change happens. You won’t be forgotten. Be sweet to you and find what will nourish and nurture you during the holiday.
Make this holiday a practice of something you choose that honors you.
Maybe you want to ask for help in your inner world where you close your eyes and ask within for some help and in your outer world where you see what is right there in front of you.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
When longing for a change, practice pausing, stepping back, and observing yourself and those you love.
Some people say do what scares you. Some say ask for help. Others suggest go get inner and outer new resources. What would you put on your list to up your courage? What motivates you to want to say what you want to say, to do something new, to say goodbye? Is the pain increasing? Are you so bored with the spinning over and over in your head that you simply want a break from all that chatter?
Maybe it is a combination of reasons that lift you to courage. I remember a woman telling me, “I am so sick of thinking. I just want to quiet all those thoughts and go for it.” She did.
Courage is needed more than once in a lifetime. As you shift and learn and shift, over and over, you might need courage for the new path. Remembering that you had courage before helps.
Fear of mistakes, fear of getting hurt, or embarrassed, feed those heavy feet. You are scared and you have another part of you that can be scared and “still get on the plane,” or step towards what matters to you. Get to know that unknown part of you by beginning with a conversation, ” hello brave one, what do you want to share with me today? I am listening.”
A young woman told me she needed to leave her job where she felt unheard and invisible. What helped her was to list all the compliments she had been told, what she valued about herself, and where she criticizes her behaviors. Yes, she did have meetings to communicate her feelings and thoughts. Yes, she did leave after getting professional help with her resume and asking people to help her find a new job.
Courage, can you trust yourself that you will be able to handle whatever happens? Maybe it is time to turn to you and begin practicing trust along with your longing for courage. What do you think?
When did you listen to a part of you, wish you hadn’t, and didn’t call up your courage?
When were you courageous despite a voice that told you not to……?
I remember getting a yes response to something I really wanted. Then, I had to up my courage to show up. I did.
Self-talk of coaching myself, comforting myself, and getting it into perspective, are some of the tools that help me. “You can do this. You will be fine and if you aren’t you will still end up fine. It is a day in the life.”
Actually, my fears were worse than the reality of being there. I had so much fun and almost passed on being there because a habit voice jumped in telling me NO, before I had a chance to pause, reflect, and see what I needed in order to get to a YES.
Can you relate? I am guessing you can.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
I am an empty nester. This year my kids aren’t able to come home. I want to do something for myself that is a celebration of my life and is connected with others.
I am going to my Aunt’s and then two days to relax. I rarely make just open time for me with no schedule, family, nor friends.
I need this before December. I finally get that my life is good enough even if I am solo at times. I am thinking there must be other women who don’t have the same holidays as they use to have and continue to value them.
What has or is anyone else doing?
Thank you for allowing me a space to be me.
Elizabeth
During our Life in Transition group, we shared what we want to open to :
1. Less self-critical
2. New friendships
3. Weeping when we want to weep
4. Saying thank you daily
5. Allowing rather than making it always happen
6. Letting go
7. Playing basketball with a neighborhood team
8. Mentoring
9. Increased trust
10. Negotiating
11. Not knowing and still being happy
12. Braving up
13. Asking for help
14. Being satisfied until the new idea lands
15. Being loved, again.
When we say what we need and write it, we feel connected to a possibility.
What do you want to be possible? Who can share that with today?
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Parents and Non-parents were sharing stories with their families about voting and how they made the choices over the years.
The bottom line is that they inspired their children and nieces and nephews to appreciate the freedom each of them has to be able to vote. Ask why, list pros and cons, research, trust your gut reactions, make choices, and handle the results, were the tips they passed to family members.
We continue to build communities for support no matter what results appear.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Have you thought of getting a dog, traveling solo, shifting careers, saying goodbye to relationships, or beginning spiritual practices? Well, here is short story of a woman who called me wanting something different.
A woman shared she wanted to do something totally different than wife, parent, professor, etc. What she led to was she wanted connection with animals. She had a pet when she was a child. Because her life was active, full, and demanding she chose to have hamsters and gold fish for her children’s pets. No dog or cat.
Long story short, as she explored totally different, I suggested she volunteer to walk along with dog walkers. Surprise and cut to the chase, she decided she didn’t want a dog. What surprised her was she didn’t like the vulnerability of being responsible for a dog. It was loss that triggered that knowing. The dog will die someday is what she told me.
The dog is not scratched off the list. What got on the list was her now wanting to open to the sorrow of losses she had.
Totally different explorations can teach you what you knew all along, open you to what might have gone dormant, or lead to the next idea.
Courage, staying in wonderment and support help the exploration.
What is on your list of totally different? What have you done in the past, at any age, that was totally different than your routine life?
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Our Life in Transition group gathered, as always to explore what was up for them and it was the subject of loneliness, sadness, illness, loss, and disappointments. It surprisingly had been a difficult time.
I suggested they get in the car and follow me.
I took the group on one of my favorite nature walks. We walked in silence. I could hear sniffles, see hands wiping eyes, and heads down as I had them pause and played some music.
When we returned home I led them in a meditation, Kleenex in hand for each and then in a non-structured writing time, for fifteen minutes.
Each person expressed feeling better. Hugs, warm tea, and pumpkin sweets ended our time together.
What have you discovered that heals you?
My hope is each of you explore what comforts you and that you ask for help .
Take good care
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
When I was in Boston last week, I tried something new. While walking, and this sounds silly I know, I would stop and look up. People in windows, staircases, cranes, flashing tall lights, birds and squirrels , shoes, moon, stars, planes, lanterns, animals in the clouds.
When I have the fun of taking photos, I photo a different perspective rather than only what is right in front of me with the object.
In my morning support group of transitions, we made a list of what we are going to do differently this week.
1. Not start the day on the computer. Start it with a glass of water.
2. Write a poem, even a bad one.
3. Hit golf balls on the weekend.
4. Eat fish.
5. Sing at home.
6. Plant something in the house or outside and you give it its name. You could plant a stick with ribbons on it.
7. Light an evening candle and sit with its flame looking at you.
8. Take a new exercise class.
9. Think of someone you adore and enjoy that moment.
10. Move five things around to new places in your home.
I miss seeing the night sky since I live in the city. I am going to sit in the dark back yard in the evening, and look up. I have been none to dash out to see the moon light in both my front and back yard. I don’t sit. I want a new perspective. I could sit a while, don’t you think? What might you do this week to change it up?
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
