A woman shared with me that as she was rumbling through her holiday boxes to decorate, she found stacks of boxes. She opened them. Over and over she kept hearing herself ask, “Why did I save this concert ticket, these match boxes, this writing, those papers?”
Long story short, what she found about herself is that she is ready to let go. At the time, those goodies mattered as memories. Now, as she said, “I don’t need the stuff to remember. I need open, empty space, to begin anew.”
During the holiday break from work and routine, she also found herself ready to downsize her living space.
I asked her if anything in the boxes made her tearful, “Yes, the things that will be no more and the joy that those brought me at that time.”
She has begun the journey, again, of getting to know who she is and who she isn’t. What she will need to gather for inside and outside resources as she steps up for change.
I get so excited when someone wants the support to explore. I asked her if there were moments that she was torn about tossing or keeping something from the boxes. “I easily let go of some things and others I tossed quickly so I wouldn’t over think. I kept remembering that I have it all within, and stacking it up to only to unstack wasn’t necessary today. There were things I needed to leave and come back to another day.”
What surprised her was how much easier it was to toss than she thought it would be. She is sentimental. She also realized that she has a good month of cleaning out, working maybe an hour a day, to clear her space. She felt vulnerable with not knowing what’s next and made that unknown OK for today.
A big reminder that I shared with her and now you is there may come a time in your life when your inner world has a deeper meaning than the size of your outer world. Begin the cleanup. Allow yourself to explore more of who you are today and who you want to grow into as you hopefully pull up patience and self-love during a change. Ask for help.
Take good care.
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
“The friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you.”
Elbert Hubbard
Memories rise up. People we have spent time with and those we no longer can see, come visiting in our minds and hearts. Memories are a good thing. We fear the tears, the loneliness, and we long for connections.
What I appreciate about the human spirit is we get to begin, again. We get to be brave and make up new traditions, break some rules, and allow who we are today to simply be happy.
Some people have communities and others don’t. Some join with friends and some with family. Some think the grass is greener on the other side. Bottom line, many thoughts wave bye during the holidays.
What I wish for you, is that no matter what, you return to being kind to yourself and treating yourself well.
Change happens. You won’t be forgotten. Be sweet to you and find what will nourish and nurture you during the holiday.
Make this holiday a practice of something you choose that honors you.
Maybe you want to ask for help in your inner world where you close your eyes and ask within for some help and in your outer world where you see what is right there in front of you.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
When longing for a change, practice pausing, stepping back, and observing yourself and those you love.
Some people say do what scares you. Some say ask for help. Others suggest go get inner and outer new resources. What would you put on your list to up your courage? What motivates you to want to say what you want to say, to do something new, to say goodbye? Is the pain increasing? Are you so bored with the spinning over and over in your head that you simply want a break from all that chatter?
Maybe it is a combination of reasons that lift you to courage. I remember a woman telling me, “I am so sick of thinking. I just want to quiet all those thoughts and go for it.” She did.
Courage is needed more than once in a lifetime. As you shift and learn and shift, over and over, you might need courage for the new path. Remembering that you had courage before helps.
Fear of mistakes, fear of getting hurt, or embarrassed, feed those heavy feet. You are scared and you have another part of you that can be scared and “still get on the plane,” or step towards what matters to you. Get to know that unknown part of you by beginning with a conversation, ” hello brave one, what do you want to share with me today? I am listening.”
A young woman told me she needed to leave her job where she felt unheard and invisible. What helped her was to list all the compliments she had been told, what she valued about herself, and where she criticizes her behaviors. Yes, she did have meetings to communicate her feelings and thoughts. Yes, she did leave after getting professional help with her resume and asking people to help her find a new job.
Courage, can you trust yourself that you will be able to handle whatever happens? Maybe it is time to turn to you and begin practicing trust along with your longing for courage. What do you think?
When did you listen to a part of you, wish you hadn’t, and didn’t call up your courage?
When were you courageous despite a voice that told you not to……?
I remember getting a yes response to something I really wanted. Then, I had to up my courage to show up. I did.
Self-talk of coaching myself, comforting myself, and getting it into perspective, are some of the tools that help me. “You can do this. You will be fine and if you aren’t you will still end up fine. It is a day in the life.”
Actually, my fears were worse than the reality of being there. I had so much fun and almost passed on being there because a habit voice jumped in telling me NO, before I had a chance to pause, reflect, and see what I needed in order to get to a YES.
Can you relate? I am guessing you can.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
I am an empty nester. This year my kids aren’t able to come home. I want to do something for myself that is a celebration of my life and is connected with others.
I am going to my Aunt’s and then two days to relax. I rarely make just open time for me with no schedule, family, nor friends.
I need this before December. I finally get that my life is good enough even if I am solo at times. I am thinking there must be other women who don’t have the same holidays as they use to have and continue to value them.
What has or is anyone else doing?
Thank you for allowing me a space to be me.
Elizabeth
During our Life in Transition group, we shared what we want to open to :
1. Less self-critical
2. New friendships
3. Weeping when we want to weep
4. Saying thank you daily
5. Allowing rather than making it always happen
6. Letting go
7. Playing basketball with a neighborhood team
8. Mentoring
9. Increased trust
10. Negotiating
11. Not knowing and still being happy
12. Braving up
13. Asking for help
14. Being satisfied until the new idea lands
15. Being loved, again.
When we say what we need and write it, we feel connected to a possibility.
What do you want to be possible? Who can share that with today?
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Parents and Non-parents were sharing stories with their families about voting and how they made the choices over the years.
The bottom line is that they inspired their children and nieces and nephews to appreciate the freedom each of them has to be able to vote. Ask why, list pros and cons, research, trust your gut reactions, make choices, and handle the results, were the tips they passed to family members.
We continue to build communities for support no matter what results appear.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Have you thought of getting a dog, traveling solo, shifting careers, saying goodbye to relationships, or beginning spiritual practices? Well, here is short story of a woman who called me wanting something different.
A woman shared she wanted to do something totally different than wife, parent, professor, etc. What she led to was she wanted connection with animals. She had a pet when she was a child. Because her life was active, full, and demanding she chose to have hamsters and gold fish for her children’s pets. No dog or cat.
Long story short, as she explored totally different, I suggested she volunteer to walk along with dog walkers. Surprise and cut to the chase, she decided she didn’t want a dog. What surprised her was she didn’t like the vulnerability of being responsible for a dog. It was loss that triggered that knowing. The dog will die someday is what she told me.
The dog is not scratched off the list. What got on the list was her now wanting to open to the sorrow of losses she had.
Totally different explorations can teach you what you knew all along, open you to what might have gone dormant, or lead to the next idea.
Courage, staying in wonderment and support help the exploration.
What is on your list of totally different? What have you done in the past, at any age, that was totally different than your routine life?
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Our Life in Transition group gathered, as always to explore what was up for them and it was the subject of loneliness, sadness, illness, loss, and disappointments. It surprisingly had been a difficult time.
I suggested they get in the car and follow me.
I took the group on one of my favorite nature walks. We walked in silence. I could hear sniffles, see hands wiping eyes, and heads down as I had them pause and played some music.
When we returned home I led them in a meditation, Kleenex in hand for each and then in a non-structured writing time, for fifteen minutes.
Each person expressed feeling better. Hugs, warm tea, and pumpkin sweets ended our time together.
What have you discovered that heals you?
My hope is each of you explore what comforts you and that you ask for help .
Take good care
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
When I was in Boston last week, I tried something new. While walking, and this sounds silly I know, I would stop and look up. People in windows, staircases, cranes, flashing tall lights, birds and squirrels , shoes, moon, stars, planes, lanterns, animals in the clouds.
When I have the fun of taking photos, I photo a different perspective rather than only what is right in front of me with the object.
In my morning support group of transitions, we made a list of what we are going to do differently this week.
1. Not start the day on the computer. Start it with a glass of water.
2. Write a poem, even a bad one.
3. Hit golf balls on the weekend.
4. Eat fish.
5. Sing at home.
6. Plant something in the house or outside and you give it its name. You could plant a stick with ribbons on it.
7. Light an evening candle and sit with its flame looking at you.
8. Take a new exercise class.
9. Think of someone you adore and enjoy that moment.
10. Move five things around to new places in your home.
I miss seeing the night sky since I live in the city. I am going to sit in the dark back yard in the evening, and look up. I have been none to dash out to see the moon light in both my front and back yard. I don’t sit. I want a new perspective. I could sit a while, don’t you think? What might you do this week to change it up?
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Feeling stuck, that is what she shared with me. I just don’t know how to get my day going and be happy with all these changes I am now living. I don’t know what to do. My possible help is to remind you to try something. You get to change your mind. Now read on:
Three things I suggested that I continue to practice.
Ask yourself throughout the day:
1. What am I thinking about?
2. What am I feeling?
3. What do I need today?
The more you build a connection to yourself the more you get to know you and what matters to you.
It sounds so simple. It isn’t. We tell ourselves, “I don’t need to do that. I already know. It just doesn’t matter.”
The key is to ask yourself more than once throughout your day. Try for five times.
Get out the door and see something new. For some people, they need to start their unstructured day by getting out the door. For others, they like to meander into the day or get work done first. You can try a little of each or one and see how it feels that day.
I suggested to one woman that she get out the door and see what within walking distance interests her. She is so organized that she wanted to walk with paper and pencil. After a week, she came up with the idea, to stop in at three stores she liked and let them know she could help out once in a while. She left her email and phone number. Two weeks later, she got a call from a pet store, and filled in to hold the pets and spend time with them.
It is true for me, the gratitude awareness delivers happiness. I don’t write it, I say it. That is what works for me.
Find a mantra to remind you of the bigger picture, “this won’t last forever, it really won’t and it feels like forever that I am dealing with this. I can still do something for myself to feel better.”
A happy day, what is that for you?
1. Cooking
2. Hiking
3. Visiting people
4. Golfing
5. Working
6. Writing
7. Travel
8. Art at home
9. Reading
10. Dancing
11. The gym
12. TV and TiVo
13. Lunch with a friend
14. No physical aches
15. Energy up
16. Nothing to do today, yippee
17. Theater
18. Gardening
19. Talking on the phone
20. Photography
21. Biking
22. Yoga
23. Writing a letter to people you like
24. Shopping
25. Sitting in the park
26. Tennis
27. Feeling peaceful
28. Believing in you
29. Spiritual practices, what are yours?
30. What is a happy day for you?
31. Planning something
32. House guests
33. Voice lessons
34. Writing your memoir
35. History channel
36. Museum day
37. Organizing
38. Wine and cheese
39. Dinner out
40. Having someone plan a day and evening on the weekend.
41. Sports event
42. Concert
43. Soaking in warm water
44. Massage
45. Not answering the phone
46. New music for home
47. Sunsets
48. Skiing
What is a happy day for you? Is it a no worries chatter in your head? Is it a quiet mind? Is it being open and knowing when to close? Is it I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU…….
You can inspire others by sharing what is a happy day for you? Lately, I love a surprise happy email, phone call, and delivery at the front door. What would you want delivered to your doorstep? Ok, you know who I am talking with here….we can’t deliver that … go get it…
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
I feel safe here. I just don’t like life as much without my kids but no one would believe that.
On the outside I am successful, friendly, healthy, a good person. Inside I feel lonely and lost today. I miss my kids. One in college. One married. I know all the philosophy about make yourself happy, be grateful, make changes.
Today I feel so sad because I do. I know here you understand that kind of day. I wish there were more communities for bad and good days. I just need to say it here. It will pass. They are such a part of me, my children.
The void is big at times to not see or hear them like I did every day and night. Loving my kids is a different kind of love than the other loves I have in life. I feel embarrassed some days to be so sad when others have real losses of death and illness. Parents don’t talk about this much so I am glad you do here.
I wonder what I will do with my free time? I wonder who I will become without kids at home? I know they will be fine and handle their lives. What about me, now?
I don’t want to fall down a rabbit hole and miss a good life. I just don’t know me like I use to. I will though.
Thanks for listening and being here as a community.
Keri
This weekend kids are packing up and heading to college. Parents are shocked at the gut pain they are feeling, hugging goodbye. The “ugly cry” visits them at unpredictable times, like while marketing.
Goodbye drops them into the reality that their parenting role will never be as it was before. They are kicked out of the kingdom with an unfamiliar role as parents.
Parents are in the background, not leading, not seeing day to day, and not hearing the stories after school.
It is a major life transition.
Parents begin to focus on themselves more so than before. Many use the time to explore who they are and aren’t and what life beyond parenting might include.
I am often asked, “Why didn’t parents talk about empty nest?”
Here is my experience with what thousands of parents, including myself, have shared with me when they say to others that they are feeling sad:
1. Oh, they are just going to college, get over your tears and do something…shame for their feelings.
2. It’s about time you did something for yourself. Not the issue.
3. Go volunteer. Your life could be worse. Comparing yourself to others, not the issue
When one is going through a sudden change, it is a grieving. Grieving for a relationship you knew and now have to shift. Shift into the unknown for a while. Yes, you knew this day would arrive. Grieving in its depth, can’t be planned. Until you are sitting in the empty room, it honestly isn’t real. No one ever prepared you for sitting in the unknown. Vulnerable.
Loss is loss. All other losses seem to emerge with this change in parenting roles.
So many parents share that the reality of not having forever hits them when they send their kids off to college. They see youth walk out the door. They were lifted at times by that energy. Parenting felt like it went on forever and ever and now it is not a day to day experience.
For some parents, this change in their role opens both joys and challenges. Reflection, assessment, and choice are part of the new you. It’s a good time for all of your vulnerabilities, losses, never to be’s , regrets, as well as, a wonderful time when you are ready, to dream big for what matters to you now and how you want to spend time with you and then with others.
Parents long for a community since the school days end. Some stay friends. Some end those relationships. So where do you meet new people at this stage of life? Parents don’t like to talk about that either because it makes them feel, “unpopular.” Not true.
Change happens. No one wants to walk it alone.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org