My friend is attached to her phone waiting for that happy call from her daughter, “Mom, get here. Baby is on the way.” First time grandmother is feeling life couldn’t be any happier for her entire family. She adores her daughter and son in law. She is canceling what she can to be available for this initiation of new life.
In the past, grandmother to be, traveled challenges and learned she wanted to be where she wanted to be and with the people whom she loves dearly. She laughed telling me that right now is the only good news of being beyond the age of 60. She is wiser and not looking at herself as much in the mirror for how do I look but more for how ya doin today?
What we talked about in the midst of laughing and presents and wonderment was the question, “How can you be a CONSCIOUS GRANDMOTHER?” She has worked on herself love and growth for years and now has an opportunity to practice the learnings, again.
No perfection and no unrealistic expectations, are two of her top reminders. She will be sharing her daughter and grandchild and that isn’t easy for her since she wants to be THE GRANDMOTHER.
Adolescent behavior visits uninvited. Possession and inflation. “No one could be as great a mother or grandmother than she. No one deserves the time more than me for the challenges I went through raising my not easy child.”
Laughter bounced through the room at how we want what we want. She journals for sanity and power walks. She knows she will over step her place. Thank goodness for compassion and I am sorry.
Her longing is simply to have time with her daughter and granddaughter. Spoiling will be easy. Hugging goodbye will be painful.
What are your tips for first time grandparents?
Happy Summer,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver.com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
In four weeks, but who’s counting, my son will not be in his room, day or night, weekday or weekend. That just doesn’t seem real and still I cry just writing it to all of you. I am his mom. He is my son who is ready to live his dream of college. Proud and shocked. He was afraid to be held by strangers and now he will be living with them. Well you know what I mean. His friends that I adore will be scattered on the map, happy to begin their future. I don’t know that i will see their parents. I think those school days and gatherings are over. Relationships will be different because our kids don’t bring us together. Some I will see because we are true friends. Two , I guess.
I won’t keep his door closed. I just won’t be sitting in there or gathering stuff from the floor. He will be home for Thanksgiving. Doesn’t that sound crazy, far away? It is summer. The week before he leaves we are making no plans… I am sure he will be with friends. I have planned a Sunday with family two weeks before he flies. My list is long of things to do before he leaves. It helps to be busy and feel needed for now. See, that is what changes. He needs me less. His peers have been a big influence. Good ones for sure. I talk myself out of getting immobile. I tell myself that after the first week, I will be fine. I think that might not be true. I just don’t know how I will be or what I want to do with the free time. I am the kind that plans. I can’t plan this emptiness. I am ok with crying. I just don’t want to make a pool of it. Me the strong one, the get up and go one, might be down. I just don’t know what I will be. I think that is a problem. This not knowing makes me anxious because he is my son, my baby boy. My good night moon and my morning sunshine.
Yes, I have a partner and friends and siblings and colleagues. I won’t have my tall son in the other room or the school yard. No need to buy his favorite cereal. Oh, I could buy it for a care package. I will just skip that aisle in the market. At least for as long as I want to skip that aisle. I won’t drive by his school, that is for sure. No need to force the falling tears. Ok enough for now. Who else is thinking about their almost empty nest? I can’t be the only mom who just loves her son and is so happy for him and right now sad for me.
Thanks,
Cindy
A family shared with me that more than anything, they appreciate their freedom. Each night they light a candle, all eight of the family members and say, “THANK YOU THAT WE ARE TOGETHER. THANK YOU THAT WE ARE FREE.”
They have been wounded, lost, hungry, alone, separated, and terrified.
Yes, they have days where they never think about that time of life. Their evenings bring them together with the candle ritual that sometimes drops tears. Kisses go around. Lights out. New day tomorrow.
Our neighborhood celebrates 4th of July, each year, with a neighborhood parade, including all the kids who decorate their bikes, tables of pot luck food to share, a hula hoop contest, music, red , white and blue flags, and an all-around good feeling. Some years, the local firemen come by in their truck and the kids go crazy with excitement.
Hope you have a fun celebration,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver.com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
A mother gave me permission to share this story with you.
Summer and the living is easy. Not for her. Her mind traps her like bricks on her face. She can’t see her beauty or feel her confidence. This is new for her. Sure she has felt bricks on her face in past years. Stuckness makes her feel insecure, childish, unlovable, unattractive, sluggish, and unwanted.
Part of what triggered this cycle was rejection. She wanted a work opportunity and didn’t get it when all seemed on track. Hopes were high. Three fun work projects didn’t happen. They might in the future. Today she is deeply disappointed.
She was also looking forward to being with her girlfriends for a fun weekend and they cancelled. Her perception of rejection and not being wanted all came from women.
She is an over doer, confident, and successful. She prides herself in falling and getting backup pretty quickly. She is loyal and hopeful. She usually shifts in a day. Not this time.
Surprisingly, what entered her into a deeper conversation with me was her gaining weight. She shared that she hasn’t gained weight in years. Weight gain makes her feel out of control, unloved, and judged. The television news was talking about everyone losing weight. She was adding pounds.
The deeper conversation was about her head pushing her with past criticism from her mother. When her mother occupies her head, her inner child is running her life, verses her adult woman. A child doesn’t have the tools to see what is real. The adult woman can handle whatever life brings and not like what she is dealt.
She felt like her blood was thinning too much. Interesting image. That is another story.
Good news is, this DEEPER CONVERSATION connected her to a lost part of herself. She became a little inflated with success. She kept pushing from her bright intellect and left behind her feminine gifts. When times get challenging, her style has been to push harder, do more, rise up, and go for more doors that might open. What she discovered, was that she was being invited to GO WITHIN rather than cheer lead ahead. She wept.
Of course there is more to her experience. Disappointments feel horrible. You feel irritable and your perception of your life is often out of focus. This mother is going to take time to nap, journal, and be present with herself and others. She will check in with what she is feeling, thinking and needing daily.
She might do some drumming, prayer for being and opening to her feminine, float in water, dance at home, and sit under the moon light in her yard. She wants to feel that she is good enough no matter if she gains weight, is left out of a party invite, doesn’t get a work gig, or has time solo.
Return to love…… She usually spends time there and for today, she lost the love and got caught in the negative and untrue voices.
We all have times when we feel deeply disappointed and unlovable. There is a gift in the “uncomfortable feelings and thought.” New parts are available to hold your hand. Meet them.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver.com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Maybe it is the warmth and long sunshine days that are affecting parents feeling good or maybe it is they have more inner resources. A group shared with me that they are getting so much better at letting it go. The nagging is less, the carrying around their cell phone 24/7 in the hopes of it ringing with their child on the other end, the, “what’s your plan,” is less asked.
As we stayed longer and dove deeper, part of the shift is, “ITS JUST NOT WORTH WRECKING MY DAY.” Letting go isn’t a constant. It is fun when it happens.
Their practice was to notice what pushed their buttons and what helped them to shift.
Tool box varied:
1. Am I upset because I didn’t say something the other day and now I am over the top?
2. Did I get some loving so I am less attached?
3. Does it really matter right now?
4. What would help me today?
5. Do I have something to look forward to so this is just a pebble not a rock in the kitchen?
6. Are my morning pages of writing really helping me?
7. Is that art class lifting my spirits?
The list goes on and you get the idea.
All said that pausing really helped verses automatic response. “gotta think about that…I will get back to you tonight.”
Expectations got a reality check so that fantasy didn’t blind them. “We always have July 4th together. What do you mean you aren’t going to be here?”
Long story short, her son wanted to do something else. Mom wanted same same. He gets to do his choice and she is fine now.
All of them have been attending to what they need in a day even if it doesn’t happen. Just thinking about the need, helped. They weren’t as frustrated because they spent a little time thinking about themselves. Nurture, nurture.
One mom said she didn’t listen to the voice that said, “I’m ok. I just don’t need to push myself and go to the gym.” She goes to the gym three times a week, now.
FEELING GOOD.
We forget to notice those great feel good days that have no problems. I say take a peek. What did make you happy?
Happy Summer,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver.com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
She can’t afford a getaway this summer. Family vacation before he leaves for college isn’t happening. Tears are falling and it is summer. Here is what you could gather for yourself:
1. Healing energy of water. Walk by it. Step in it. Let it float you.
2. Shift things in your living room and bedroom. Make it feel different to you.
3. Get a box of pastels, colored pencils, paper, crayons, and doodle or draw.
4. New music to listen to at home.
5. Research a class you might take. Give it a try. You can change your mind.
6. Two new recipes for summer cooking.
7. Plan a small gathering for September, even one other person to be with, and mark the date.
8. De-clutter room by room with music playing to keep you going. Toss, donate, and keep. Let yourself LET GO.
9. Do you want a dart board?
10. Ask a neighbor if they want to walk, even if you don’t know them well. Not a regular time, just ask for one walk time and see how it goes.
11. Eat outside.
12. Look at the moon before you go to sleep.
13. Write thank you notes to anyone who comes to mind… THANK YOU FOR….
14. Buy a new…..
15. Mark play time on your weekly calendar and go play.
16. Empty your photos and leave the space open, empty for a new…
17. Plant something, even an herb. Oh ya, water it, duh…
18. If you are the leader and no one else is, then lead. Make a fun plan.
19. Explore a new part of your city in the early morning without traffic.
20. Ask for time together and talk about what would be fun. Ask.
21. Plan a getaway after summer, even if for one evening.
22. Beauty in each room. What is beauty to you?
23. Ask for help about something, anything?
24. Eat dessert first, in the morning, before your routine day.
25. Write a love note.
26. Begin something, anything.
27. If “one window is closed, find one that is open”
28. Concerts in the park. You can handle the drive and crowd.
29. Do what you thought would be out of your comfort zone, one time.
30. What does your local college offer for a day of fun?
Pick something fun to do before summer ends. One friend of mine wants to swing in a hammock. Another is going to visit a niece. Another explored the city online that her daughter will be studying abroad. She got a big jar and is dropping in money, hoping to see her daughter in that foreign city.
A dad made a list of what he won’t do that could bug his son and is giving it to him in a new wallet, yes and adding some $. One family is going to drive to a drive-in with homemade goodies in the car.
A single mom made a trade for a handy person to help her out and she will cook a take home meal. A woman is keeping a summer journal. Another woman is making no plans and wants to be spontaneous on the weekends.
What would you like to gather?
Take care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
I need to change. Here’s my story.
I do and did too much for my child as he was growing up. I had guilt about being gone and a bad childhood relationship with my parents. I over compensate for my past. I want to be liked so I give and give and give to my kids. Not spoil. Available too much.
Well, yes, it is hard to say NO when they ask for money for the prom bus or a concert or clothes. I sound crazy.
I am well educated and successful in my field. Loved and loving. It is just all this talk about parenting and do this and not that feels crazy.
My kids aren’t murderers or slouching all day. They are young.
My biggest shift is not being pulled in by wanting to be their best friend. I am over that now.
Don’t ask me how long it took to get over that. I will always want them to like me. Humans do want to be liked.
Of all the relationships I have, parenting rocks me. I can be so happy and then so on the floor with hurt. I think it is because I love so much and there too is the over involved. I am working on that, too.
If my kids look great to the world then I win the gold trophy. I want that.
SO, IS THIS PERSON LIKE YOU IN ANY WAY? She is a wonderful client and I learn from her. Guess I should split the bill. She is honest about her happiness and her pain. EXPECTATIONS is an art piece she made for herself as a reminder to stay aware of fantasy vs. reality.
She had a TALK with her kids. She shared that she was working on issues of parenting. She named two issues…unrealistic expectations and fear of not being liked. She figured they weren’t even interested in her issues.
Surprise. They were. She kept the TALK to twenty minutes because she over talks. She felt great after being vulnerable and somewhat supported by them. Oh the story goes on with such learning and pain and courage to start over, again and again.
Parents make mistakes. Kids make mistakes. Keep learning and talking. Ask for help. Let it go. Begin again. Forgive the past. Make plans to have what you need.
Go into a room to chat without expecting the ending to be how you want it to be.
Did you like it when your parents related to you as you relate to your kids?
Is there something you long to have to nurture you?
Parents, your kids will grow up. Just not on your schedule.
Happy Summer,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver.com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
It is supposed to be a carefree summer feeling. I think I am worrying more than having summer fun.
August is soon and my nest will be empty. I have to be strong and not weep, except in the car when I am alone. Well, I weep because I can’t help it. Why didn’t I know this was such a time of mixed big feelings? No one talked about empty nest, ever. The news acts like it is no big feeling or kids come back and the nest isn’t empty. Not true here.
My neighbor’s kid came back but she feels empty and frustrated. We need to talk about all this. Did you guys just stay busy? Did you feel ok by December or when? Busy doesn’t take this feeling away for me even though I work and have a busy life.
My kids are different and I need to be too but how do you be different and be mom?
This is not one of my best days and I bet it is how the summer goes and even after we carry the stuff, unpack, and drive away. I have no idea what that will be like except for tears and then ok and then tears, I guess. I just don’t want to be alone with this big big change.
Mary
Summer sweetness. A woman shared with me that what she wanted to change was being so hard on herself. I laid out photos. She chose two, one the sweetness of these nectarines, the other the hydrangeas.
We wrote, side by side, silently about summer. Sharing her words that she wished were brilliant, AKA, the pusher, we laughed. The rest of the session is private.
What I can tell you is, SUMMER is a shift, again, rolling open a freshness, inviting you to light your load, allow the sunshine on you.
What would help you to play more… a post it by the mirror, saying, OUTSIDE NOW, a photo, your shorts and flip flops on the chair prepared for a new day, a basket of peaches from the farmer’s market, windows wide open?
Make a plan. Mark it on your weekly calendar.
Solo or coupled, summer is wide open. Go play. Leave early. Stay late.
Summer, long light, sweet tastes, and time for you. What do you think would be fun?
When I mentored a mother, starting over with a wonderful business idea, her homework on the weekend was to go to a museum and notice what colors she repeated loved looking at that day. When she got back home, the end of the assignment, was to take her pastels, and colored pencils and only use the colors she was drawn to that day in the museum.
Share the drawings with me, next session. WOW, that is all I can reveal for that summer fun day she had with color. HELLO SUMMER….what stories will you be sharing?
Have fun,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, MariaShriver.com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
None of those photos are my dad. They are my dad’s imaginary best friends.
I loved seeing him, just home from a match, club bag on arm and clicking sounding shoes, coming across the floor.
Not his profession, his weekend obsession. If he wasn’t in a game, as he grew frail, he and I would curl up, TV on high volume, cheering about something that I never did figure out, except when the white ball rolled on the green and into that circle.
He wasn’t into teaching. The match was his relaxation time. I just wanted to be by him. That is the memory that popped in right now. Me with a big smile.
He had a special wooden salad bowl, painted with flowers, by me, that I now have, since his death. I have his patterned pull over sweater in my closet. I have his love for me, always, in my eyes and heart. I hope he has my love for him, always, in his eyes and heart. Love has no end, does it……?
Dads, Fathers, Papas, all celebrated, some with a favorite meal, a tie, a hand print, a Popsicle stick frame, a love card, a picnic, a bike ride, a gadget, basketball game, or even an album of memories.
Dads, just writing the word and hearing DAD in my head, I see him, still tall , dark and handsome to ME. Gentle anchor. He didn’t need much.
Peace and quiet after a long, six day work week. A giggle, time together, a story about the day. Happy Father’s Day.
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Parents are proud and always wanting the best for their kids. Here is a list of “gifts” that parents want their kids to pack:
1, Ask yourself if you really need to spend money on that today?
2. Will you call without my asking you to call? Will you text or email?
3. Don’t tell me what you know is none of my business and I won’t look at your Facebook page.
4. Timer app to check the parking meter
5. Easy steps to keep your home clean. A bucket with a handle for cleaning supplies
6. Two recipes so you can eat in and not out. Try to cook them.
7. List of what to buy at your local Farmer’s Market, seasonally.
8. Car maintenance check sheet in the bathroom.
9. Pantry must haves beyond crackers and cereal
10 Say thank you and how can I help, daily.
11. Write thank you notes.
12. Read the news.
13. Find joy.
14. Mistakes are learnings – not failures.
15. Ask for help.
16. Get to the doctor sooner than later when you are sick.
17. App to pay bills on time that is a nonstop beep until paid.
18. Walk away.
19. Use the iron.
20. Yoga is a happy face.
21. Doodle
22. Get outside
23. Plant an herb pot for flavor like cilantro or basil.
24. Wear a helmet when you bike.
25. Laundry. Nothing else to say about that…
26. What would you add to this list?
Have fun on your new adventure. I love you no matter what. It will pass. Keep going. Weep. Go outside your comfort zone. Pause.
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
A mom called today sharing her tears and excitement about her son heading to college in August. She is full of energy and late night exhaustion. She feels like a storm is coming but has no interest in preparing.
Summer will pass quickly and then she will face emptiness. She asked me to remind her that she will collapse and then rise again. Normal journey in transitions.
She knew she would fall in love with her baby. She just never heard anyone talk about the fall from goodbye. She is setting her sails now on having the softest aloe Kleenex as needed and enjoying summer with the whole family together.
Moms, Dads, celebrating their children growing up, stepping up towards adulthood. Parents are wondering what will it be like to be an adult beyond parenting?
What new meaning and joys will they step up towards?
Do you have suggestions for them?
Have fun,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org