Did you pack your toothbrush? That is the one repeated question I ask, since I don’t want to share. Travel and transitions are about feeling out of control. Who likes that feeling?
Back to sharing….One of the top questions people bring up during our telephone consultation is that they don’t want to talk about certain subjects during the holiday.
They feel too vulnerable or private for now. I will cut to the chase and suggest you say,” I pass-on talking about that subject this holiday. I will talk about your beautiful home. When you say what you don’t want and also add what you do want, it sits less defensive or controlling, don’t you think?
What aren’t you ready to share during the holidays? Is that ok with you for now?
When Sara spoke with me about her anxiety for the holidays it included not wanting to talk about her illness over and over. She deals with it day and night and is doing well today. What she wants is fun, distraction from illness routine, and to be seen as “normal.”
She understands people want updates. Her plan is to give an update in an email before people visit or before she gets in the car. If that doesn’t work, she said she might just say, “I am so bored with managing my good and bad days, could we talk about you?” Who doesn’t want to talk about themselves?
That is the solution we came up with while having our session together on the telephone.
The sign BEWARE OF DOG, definitely gets my attention. I don’t want to get hurt. A sign for you to remember is, BEWARE OF EXPECTATIONS. I think that is a top bruiser when it comes to being with people.
Check out how you want the holidays to be, how it might be, and what you really need during the gathering time. Then ask if you are being realistic, coming from past roles you played or longed to play, and if you are taking into account who that other person really is and isn’t.
We have so many different parts inside us, like an orchestra, that it is natural to feel whatever and whenever you feel what you feel. Sounds so trite. Sounds so forgotten in the moment.
Music works to shift me and uplift my moods. Right now I am hearing in my head, the song, LET IT BE, LET IT BE, LET IT BE…
Wishing you laughter and delicious breaking bread together with those you enjoy,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
On the web www.emptynestsupport.com
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I love Thanksgiving. I love the excitement of the people I love walking through the front door. Yes, I tolerate the ones that punch my buttons. I know I shouldn’t say that, after all, it is THANKSGIVING, and yet we all deal with those challenges, don’t we?
What I am not dealing with this week is my menu? It is not like me to not know by now what I am serving. Once I leap through new and old recipes, I make my lists. Fun for me is having people chop the veggies, carry fire wood, light candles, change the music, and simply be part of the whole experience.
Our kitchen is small and still very functional. I get tearful thinking about the holidays. I have memories of people I love who won’t be in the kitchen. I have smiles thinking about the joy of the people who will be here.
Oh, I hope, my uncertainty of how much we need, doesn’t keep me or others running back and forth to the grocery store. We will have enough. i have never been good at figuring out amounts of food for company.
My parents had a buffet of hot plates topped with turkey, brisket, stuffing, gravy, chocolate lace pie, apple pie, sweet potatoes with mini marshmallows , green beans and slivered almonds, hot rolls and butter, cranberries and sauce, fresh fruit, oh my . I don’t even want to write all the foods that are popping in my head from that buffet. Amazing, isn’t it, how we can see the layout of foods and exactly where they stood year after year, down to the candy bowls on the end tables.
This year, I am going to suggest we have running short races outside with silly prizes after we eat and rest. Game night might include apples to apples. Is that what it is called? Hum…can’t remember. Can remember laughing at the table playing it.
What is on your menu for food and fun? What drives you crazy and what do you look forward to this Thanksgiving?
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
On the web www.emptynestsupport.com
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1. When I am going through a transition, self-talk steps in. “Natalie, how are you doing? No really, Natalie, how are you doing? What do you need today? Can someone help you or do you think you can give that need to yourself?” I just feel better when I check in with myself during the day and evening.
2. When I am stuck, I stay curious and compassionate. Even if I am not stuck, curiosity keeps me uplifted and compassion keeps me more relaxed. “I wonder why that person has to dominate the conversation.” “I did the best I could in the moment.”
3. Love starting my day with one cup of black coffee in my small garden wearing flannel jammies around six am. My self-planted garden is organic, and a surprise. I am still picking red tomatoes, but my basil is leaving. Dalia’s gone and fuchsia blooming. Can’t grab enough arugula and pick black kale. Hummingbirds and butterflies. What’s not to keep me from starting my day that way? My inner pusher who thinks I need to respond to emails now.
4. I know you hear it all the time and it is true for me too, I say what I am grateful for in a way that goes like this, “Thank goodness I feel great today.” “Thank goodness I work for myself.” “Thank goodness my daughter is happy.” “Thank goodness he loves his work.” You get the idea. I just need to remember what I am not suffering with today and what I love about my life. That works for a quick shift in attitude for me. I am that consistent with writing it down.
5. When I am making a decision, or shifting roles, I remember there are lots of parts inside me, like an orchestra. I bring them up to hear.
6. I have practiced for decades getting off the hamster wheel of thoughts that aren’t true in my head. I say, “Is that fantasy thought, reality thought, or from my past?”
7. I am a connecter, so I like to briefly touch in to say hello to people I love. Makes me happy. Sometimes a call, text or email.
8. I also love my solo time. I need it to nurture and hear me.
9. Change is inevitable, whether sudden or expected. I just let myself weep whenever I need to weep.
10, When I don’t want to go somewhere or do something, mostly because I am feeling vulnerable, I hold my hand and say something like,” You can do this. You just aren’t feeling as confident or energetic in this moment. It will pass. You love doing….so remember that right now and think about that.” Say, yes more than no if the no is coming from fear. It does invigorate me to do what I think I didn’t want to do, but that is a longer story for another interview. It is about knowing who I am and who I am not and pulling up new resources within. I know I have that little one inside me who just wants me to do nothing but stay home. I tell her “thank you for the reminder. I’ve got this one. You don’t have to do anything.” “This goes along with having different parts inside you like an orchestra. Some are too loud, too soft, and some are dormant and simply want a chance to be heard. I know when vulnerability rises, which some call fear, so I chat with myself about the plus and the minus of that decision, key is I do that chat while walking not sitting. Oh the tricks and treats we learn about ourselves!
11. I have a reality talk with myself so that my expectations get lowered and not inflated. When my daughter comes back home, for example, I practice being in my new role as her mom and allow her to be in hers. Oh that gets embarrassing sometimes because I love mothering and can slip into my old role, “Oh, don’t forget your sweater and bottle of water.” Really, I think she knows how to dress. I remind myself our rhythms are different, for example, I am an early riser who bounces out of bed and doesn’t need a wake up time to transition into my new day. I just have that morning energy. She is quieter in the morning. So I need to not ask questions and just be there in the kitchen or her bedroom with soft energy. Or better yet, let her find me when she wakes up…um not so easy for me, because I am excited she is home. Expectations need a check in for work, gatherings, family, vacation, love, etc., in order to decrease disappointments and hurt, don’t you think? We just have expectations that come without knowing who is doing the inner talk…the dreamer, the adolescent, the narcissist, the whiner?
12. I am better at making friends with the unknown. When I don’t have clarity or don’t know what is going to happen, I let myself know I have been through worse times and will be OK. I can trust myself and handle not knowing. When I am feeling restless, I call a friend for help or venting. When I need professional advice, I make an appointment. Who doesn’t need help at times? I think we forget it is normal to seek comfort and help.
13. I plan and do less when I am in a transition.
14. I use my words and ask others to use theirs. That sounds condescending. Sorry for that. I just get frustrated when people don’t respond or act passive. I do know we all have neediness, off days, fear, and confusion, so that compassion helps me forgive and let go. Just not worth staying in that dark room when I can’t develop.
15. When I am preparing for a transition I know will be right around the corner, like care-taking or kids leaving the nest, I say no to what doesn’t really need my attention, and yes to what I won’t get back again, like TIME, with me, with my kids, with someone who matters to me. Work is necessary. Work is fulfilling. Work is also a place to hide because it is familiar and less vulnerable. Time doesn’t come back. Love does. OK, enough of that philosophy message. You and I just need reminders and permission to pause and reflect, don’t you think?
Let’s do this again. You can email me questions you have or thoughts that are on your mind today.
Take good care,
Natalie
Life in Transition, What’s Next? Action to change
www.lifeintransition.org
natalie@lifeintransition.org
Los Angeles, CA
(818) 763-0188 or Toll Free (800) 446-3310
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Who doesn’t fall in tears and laughter about their life? Transitions bring reflections. Nothing lasts forever and that includes friendships.
Differences pop up with partners, friends, parents, children, siblings, colleagues. When people share their loss of friends and their want to lose them, they feel embarrassed. Embarrassed like a divorce. They feel they failed because they couldn’t stay happy with their friend. They feel unwanted when the phone doesn’t ring and they have no plans for the week. Solo time feels like a punishment rather than a gift. Truth is, more people than you know, want to wave goodbye and break up with a friend. More people than you know didn’t live the life the world imaged for them.
So what is the gift and the curse of what happened and didn’t happen in your life?
1. You get to begin again.
2. You get to change your mind. You are an adult and earned the badge.
3. You see new perspectives about who you are and who you aren’t.
4. You practice forgiveness of self then others.
5. You gather new resources that you now need.
6. You weep and don’t drown and weep again.
7. You become more of who you want to be now.
8. You walk with compassion and curiosity in ways you never imagined.
9. New is good. Awkward is normal.
10. Unknown is actually a fresh location in your heart.
What helps in the unknown is to take the hand of not knowing and hold it with the hand of what you do know. Become friends with both. Not everything you think is true. Open and be in wonderment.
A woman shared with me during a telephone consultation that she couldn’t believe at her age, she had to start over. Funds were OK, but less than two years ago. She was going through divorce after a seventeen year marriage.
Her girlfriends seemed in another world than hers. Her children were in college. She works, but not fulfilled. You can tell the losses were bringing up self-doubt and self-criticism. It seems we get in a habit of down grading ourselves rather than compassion.
We just don’t know where to turn or how to begin with a list of transitions. She will have to move. Her house cleanup is a pile of memories. She decided to pick one new thing that would help her during the week. For her, it was writing a goal for each day.
She realized the overwhelm of a long to do list and the sorrow made her scattered. She also added something to look forward to during the week and wrote that down.
Each of us learns more about ourselves when walking changes. My hope is you never forget to be gentle with yourself and reach out to someone for help.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
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1. You never call. Shift that to, I would love to get an email, text, or call from you even it is short. I know you are busy.
2. You always wait to the last minute. Judgment distances us from those we love. They know they procrastinate. Shift to; you know your style of getting things done. Do you think it would be difficult to change that?
3. You go see them and not us anymore. Shift to; it must be hard to juggle all the people you want to be with. I hope we get lunch or dinner together. Let me know when you know your plans. It matters to me that we get time together.
4. You always want me to drop what I am doing and do for you. Shift to; I think you forget that my role in your life has changed, just as your role with me is different. This is a simple statement with a pause for them to take that in, again and again, as a reminder that you are changing into seeing each other more as woman and less as mother. Yes, you will always be their mother and with a new role in their life.
5. You are mean to me. Shift to, I feel like you treat your friends better than you treat me and that hurts. They get the best moods of you. I get the angry, grumpy, attacking moods dumped on me with all your frustrations of life. I would like to have some of your happy, positive side when we are together.
Truth is, there are no magic ways to have a positive impact on those we love and there are ways that keep the door open. Timing matters and whether they are open or closed to changing, which you have nothing to do with. You can only say what you need to say and then let it go. It doesn’t have to be perfect.
It does help to think before you speak which is easier said than done when the wounds keep getting bumped. Sometimes you need to be loud, angry, demanding. As always, I will be the one to remind you that you need to hold paradoxes, for example, yes, that is true, and this is true as well. Key is the word, “and” which keeps your mind and heart open to newness and compassion.
Communication is a skill. Email me how your communication is going with your children.
What is difficult when speaking with them?
Take care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
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Whether you are on your way to emptying your nest or already sitting in it, the role you lived as parent shifts. Who are you beyond mother? Who are you beyond father?
When you sit with others who are on a similar journey, you feel a bonding, a clan, a place to be right where you are with your full range of thoughts and feelings.
Until you hug your children goodbye and come back home to their empty room and silence, it isn’t real. You think about. You wonder how you will be and what will be next for you? You wonder how they will do away from home and support.
I have spoken with thousands of parents across the country. I am an empty nester. Empty nest is an invitation to focus back on self. It is a stage of your life where you begin to build new inner resources. You grieve for the role and life you had and at the same time are excited about the new freedom to come for you.
Even when children graduate high school or college and live at home, due to finances or other challenges, you the parent know, you have been kicked out of the kingdom as you knew it. They want more independence. You feel on tilt because you don’t know how to build this new relationship with them.
The school community you had is over. You are curious about where new friendships will come together. I haven’t met a parent who doesn’t long to feel connected with their children and free at the same time. Parts of you, the parent, had to go dormant. There is only so much energy you have. In this new stage of empty nester, you will find those dormant parts and celebrate what you forgot or chose to put on hold.
I remember recently watching a political historian on a talk show. She shared her insights about politics today and our future as it connects to what we may learn from past presidents. She was captivating for me, as always. But, when she sat next to her son, during that same show and looked at him while he was being interviewed, she lit up like I have never seen her before. Her face said it all. I am his mom. I am so proud of him right now. I am his mom no matter what age he is (he is past his college graduation).
For me, parenting has been one of my top teachers of life, joyous and challenging for sure.
Get support. Meet other empty nesters. You are welcome to connect for free on our website message board with other empty nesters, read the stories and blogs, or call about a support group in your area.
No one needs to go through this major life transition alone.
Take good care,
Natalie
www.emptynestsupport.com
818 763 0188 or 800 446 3310
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No matter if you are single, married, retiring, dealing with loss, health challenges, or seeking new inspiration or work, transitions ask you to go within.
My life started early with changes and I think that seeded my passion for teaching and supporting those traveling the unknown.
Tip for today:
Ask yourself daily, “What am I feeling? What am I thinking about? What do I need today?”
It sounds so simple. I will tell you that in Daspeaking with people across the country, they don’t make time to ask those inner questions.
Ask at least five times during your day and evening. One time does not take you deeper into your inner self nor open you to choices.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
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Married, single, career or stay at home parent, change brings vulnerability.
Karen called my office weeping, “I dropped my son off at his dorm and sobbed. I sobbed right there in front of him. I am not a crier.”
I don’t know where we got the idea that we can predict and control our sadness.
When you are going through a life change, all knowing is off. You have never been in this moment before, so trust you won’t destroy yourself or your kids. Tears fall.
A mother shared with our support group her experience. She said, “He wasn’t a freshman off to college, he was a sophomore. I knew what to expect, but I couldn’t hold back my tears.
He had to get go through security and I had to let him go. I just cried and cried right there in front of the lines of people who were going somewhere.”
You pride yourself in being organized, prepared, pulled together, and then that sudden, unexpected rush of feelings, falls out and surprises you.
Who is that person losing it? It is you and so many other parents who hug their children goodbye.
It isn’t just the goodbye, see you soon, love you, it is a new stage of your life that you knew was out there somewhere, but not today.
Seven years ago, I launched Empty Nest Support Services. I didn’t want to go through this life transition without support nor have anyone else walk the walk alone.
Some people need to get busy, some to be still, some to gather, some to get out of town. You will discover what you need and when you are stuck, sad, confused, you will find support. It takes practice to ask for help, to nurture yourself, and mostly to be ok with not knowing what to do or where to head, next.
I know this because I have lived it over and over throughout my life. I don’t like the unknown. I don’t like saying goodbye to people I adore. Who does?
I hope you leave your shoulds, and coulds on the street and step inside your home carrying self-compassion and curiosity.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
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Parents ask me what I do for fun since they are gathering new ideas for themselves.
Here’s a short list:
Read about chefs, meet them and eat at their restaurants (do you know who is in this photo I captured?)
Start my day with black coffee and pruning my organic veggie and flower garden
Read novels and newspapers
Movies with chocolate covered pretzels for snack
Out to dinner with hubby so we can catch up and laugh away from home
Day trips on the road
Music
Yoga
Zumba
Cooking Time with friends, anywhere, anytime
Piano
Farmer’s market everywhere and anywhere, even when I travel for work
Eat outside
Photography
My work is actually fun…don’t hate me.
Writing
Retreats
Just started, literally just tried, watercolors…maybe that will be fun, maybe not.
Collages
Hiking
Planning trips and hanging with the locals
Connecting with people in my neighborhood at local café or walking
Spontaneity
Remembering my night dreams and talking with my friends about “What did that mean?”
Decorating my home by moving things around every season, de-cluttering, adding new beauty if needed
Organizing my office and home, relief and fun
My cat Sophie
Sunrise out my window
Sunset walks on the hill
Walking around a lake, early morning when the mist rises
Wow, just noticed the thought of my daughter came now and not earlier. I adore her. Time together is fun because we have so much in common.
Well off to a meeting. Add what you like to do so others can get inspired.
Lists keep growing and get deleted when you allow yourself to be open and not always listen to the voice in your head that has repeatedly steered you wrong, meaning, hasn’t allowed you to be and do. Do you know that voice in your head very well?
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
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Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
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Across the country, hugs goodbye, cheers and tears, are marking the roads. The number one relief parents share with me is, “Thank goodness I am not alone with my new feelings. I thought I was being over sensitive and selfish.” Who doesn’t need support when walking a place you have never been before and you aren’t sure where you are heading?
There are different stages of empty nest. Each person shifts and discovers in their style. Keep that soft aloe Kleenex in arms reach.
Some leap and are thrilled with the lack of responsibilities. Others grieve for both a short and long stretch of time for the role they loved and know has changed.
Singles have different longings and married wonder how their relationship will weather the lack of children at home.
Wives and husbands grieve differently, so their rhythm of let’s get going needs awareness.
Children out of their bedroom are excited and anxious about their new responsibilities and dreams. They honestly miss the anchor that home provides, even if they don’t express it.
School community is lost and therefore, connections and relationships for adults change.
One tip for this change is, let go of your perfection. You will make mistakes. You are sitting in a new room, vacant. Explore your expectations and then have a reality chat with yourself and others who understand this transition.
Celebrate all you are and have given.
You leap into what’s next and the challenges. You forget to celebrate you. You did it. You helped your child enter a dream on their wish list, as well as, a dream you probably had for them.
I like writing a letter to myself and then reading it out loud. No one is in the room when I read it… a little awkward to praise myself out loud.” What I appreciate about being a parent is that I…” Hope you make the short time to really sit and acknowledge yourself. Gift yourself in some way that nurtures you. One mom shared she didn’t pick up the phone for a day unless Caller ID showed a true need, like her kids.
You will find your new way of meaning and joy. You will learn how to build an adult relationship with your children. For today, be who you are and meet yourself right there without the critic or pusher in the room.
List what you loved to do after school in high school. What do you like to watch on TV? What is your favorite movie? Where do you like to travel? Who do you respect? Who would you love to visit? Where would you like to mentor? Where would you like to work for a day?
There are clues for what’s next. Let yourself be on a gentle hunt. I was surprised at the parts of me that emerged when my space and time opened: writer, photographer, media expert. I already had gardening, hiking, speaker, facilitator, entertainer, and travel in my boots. I didn’t have my daughter in the next room. I for sure had my immobile and tearful days and days, at unexpected moments. My partner was there for me and his experience was different than mine.
If you haven’t walked the empty nest, you really don’t get it. Then there is the phrase, empty nest, which is trivial, but we don’t have a new one, yet. What would you name it?
I am so happy in my new role as mother and in my new life with such freedom that I didn’t even know I longed for. How could I have been so devoted to being a role model and parent if I wanted to fly away so often?
Thank goodness I didn’t have the longing then. I loved my career, not every day, but it was a great match for me. I got burned out, frustrated, hurt, confused and joyful with parenting. Great teacher for me, being a parent! I am still learning in this new adult relationship with her and with my four nephews.
I am passionate about helping parents through this major transition because I live it and have been fortunate to learn so much from the thousands of parents across the country who wonder what’s it all about, this emptiness?
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188, Los Angeles, CA
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
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It is not about children for me. It is about what do I want to do since I am sick of what I have been doing for a career. Successful, yes, but life is short and I want to try something else.
Have you had these thoughts, too?
I know the economy is challenging but I am a go getter. I don’t want to volunteer since I have done that for years. I want more meaning and new friendships. Just like partners don’t last, friendships need a break up too.
Where do you meet new friends? I don’t golf.
I just am interested in what new careers some of you have explored and how did you begin? I thought of helping out for a day to see if I like that career.
I am an attorney. I thought of teaching.
Friendships seem scattered now. I want to add new connections and see if they grow into more meaningful friends at this time of my life. We don’t have the same interests or giving to each other.
Have any of you gone through these changes with work and friendships? I love to travel but that won’t do it for me as far as fulfillment.
Thank you,
Isabelle
Melissa hugged her daughter at the college dorm, got in the rental car, and wept all the way to the airport. The tears surprised her.
When you go through even an expected change, the reality settles in your heart when you wave goodbye.
Parents know the relationship they had will be different. They aren’t sure what their role will be and that is unsettling.
For a while you might not have been the go to person or the number one with your children . They might have been your number one, which doesn’t imply you didn’t have “a life.”
No guilt or judgment about your relationship. You did the best you could at the time. Truth is, most parents would drop what they were doing if their child needed them no matter what age or stage.
Grieving the role you lived as parent is unique, based on your relationship with yourself and your child. All parents feel the shift of this milestone. Comparing yourself to how your friends or others are doing in this transition of life doesn’t honor who you are right now.
There are many moments you are relieved at not addressing your child’s needs or schedule, but that has nothing to do with love, deep love.
When you love someone and can’t have time with them, you miss them.
Empty nest is a time of honoring all you gave. Reminiscing what you love about parenting and what you won’t miss.
You could write a letter to yourself , ” I appreciate the way I… I honestly won’t miss the way I had to….” You will find your words. Fifteen minutes of writing is healing.
Feelings are vulnerable and can be unavailable. Thoughts come more naturally, spinning us with pictures we make in our head, or leaping ahead to the “what ifs”… Comfort comes in a smorgasbord. Get to know yourself day by day. Leave the judgment. With every thought and feeling there is a gift and curse while walking changes. Maybe you can practice holding both,” the gift of my spinning with thoughts is… the curse of it is….” Empty nest gives permission to know yourself in new ways. Your two constant friends are compassion and curiosity.
Even if you have gone through this before, when the last child leaves, you weep.
Career, married, single, all weep when the house emptiness of your child and their friends.
Community is lost.
School days are over.
You long for new meaning and connections.
You want your child to call.
I know, as an empty nest mom, that life does get happy and fun. Parents across the country have shared their journey with me and I am honored to hold their stories. Change doesn’t travel in a straight line. You don’t, “Get it,” and then life is wonderful.
You feel your feelings whenever and wherever they pop up.
Some parents take time to be. Some leap into action.
The biggest challenge I hear is , “What do I want to do that will be fulfilling, how do I grow a new relationship with my kids that respects me and respects them, and I’m not sure I am that into my partner anymore, which scares me.”
Change means you are in the unknown. You have never been at this stage of life before. There will be people who say, “Get over it. Your child isn’t gone forever. Get a life. People have it worse than you do.” Well, I am sure you have read or heard the comments. You be true to you.
Make friends with not knowing the answers, yet. That could sound and feel like, ” I don’t know what I want to do with my free time and I do know I can get help. I’m frustrated today, but that won’t last forever. I am so sad, but who wouldn’t be when you miss someone you love?”
You have heard the lists of what people added to their life:
Travel
Volunteer
Visiting people they didn’t have time to see before
Hobbies
New careers
Mentoring
Learning a new language
Working part time
Piano lessons
Organic gardening
Book groups
Dating
Dancing
Cooking classes
Golf
Tennis
Swimming
Yoga
Meditation
Prayer
Walking
Water colors
What you might not have heard is you have done enough and you do enough. Trial and error for the next spark. Begin and leave. Adults forget they get to go somewhere and leave for whatever reason comes up for them. Yes, give it a try and at the same time , honor when the place, activity , or people aren’t a match for you at this time. Keep going. Keep going. I say that louder because our mind tends to trick us into the voice of, “I will never find something or someone. I will always be alone or left out of the fun of life.”
Find support. Ask for help. You would be surprised how many people wish they had called one friend or someone in the community who would hear them right where they are today.
If you don’t have someone, find websites where there is a community so you don’t feel alone. Friendships end. Relationships end. Career changes. Begin some connection somewhere which could be at a bookstore, museum, art opening, café, religious setting, walking, etc. when you are ready.
If you aren’t ready, check in with yourself and ask, “Do I need to get out anyhow, or do I need to be for today?”
There are so many stories I could share. So here is one.
A mother didn’t want to commit here time to anything, yet. She did want something that made her feel needed and engaged.
Cooking worked. She would surprise a neighbor with comfort food, one dish. Once she called me and told me she didn’t really know the neighbor well, except for an occasional wave or hello.
The fresh fruit with banana bread turned out to be a way to feel more connected in her neighborhood and still have her free time.
No she didn’t want to start a business or do this scheduled. She cooked and gave when she felt like it.
Wishing you time for being good to yourself and a building of inner trust that you will feel happiness and meaning.
Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
800-446-3310 or 818-763-0188 Los Angeles CA
Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
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Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org