Can you find the four leaf clover in the photo?
Would you feel lucky if you did?
When I asked about luck on telephone consults, these were some of the responses:
1. I don’t believe in accidents. Everything happens for a reason.
2. I don’t believe in luck. I have to make it.
3. I for sure believe in luck. I was at the right place at the right time and met the love of my life. We were in line at a movie.
4. I believe in luck because I thought I could never have kids. I have two.
5. Luck happens. It can happen to anyone who thinks about it and then knows they are lucky.
6. Luck, well l think I am lucky because I am optimistic in life. Always have been. That is lucky for me.
7. Luck, I celebrate every lucky thing that happens. So more keep coming around. Last night I found my lost dog.
Do you believe in luck? When have you felt lucky?
Leave a comment or write me, natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Happy Corned Beef and Cabbage, Sweetened with Green Iced Shortbread, Natalie
It is Spring Break .Some parents are vacationing with their children. That is not true for me.
I am trying to stop the chatter in my head that keeps me indoors rather than out during these peaks of Spring.
Here is some of my inner clatter:
It looks too windy. I need to finish my article. I will go for a hike later in the day. I’m too tired.
I told myself that this week I would get back to doing exercise five days. Basically, I was driving myself crazy with writing exercise on my to-do list everyday and then talking myself out of it.
That behavior of writing down exercise everyday and not doing it, is EXACTLY what I got sick of doing. I finely said, no more thinking about why I should or shouldn’t go on a hike today. Shut up and get out the door. Grab the opening time now. Go.
These two photos are part of the beauty I saw on my hike. I chattered about not carrying my camera as well, and again, said, “Shut up and take it. You love nature photos. Do it.” I got about twenty Spring beauties which I will share later in a blog.
I was tired stepping out the door. I was happy and energized stepping back into my office. One insight I had about OVER THINKING, is that when I have been PUSHING MYSELF at work to meet deadlines and respond to all emails or in RELATIONSHIPS by practicing new behavior, for example, letting differences go, I don’t want to push myself to exercise. I want to pamper myself. Get nurtured.
Why do you over think? What are you spinning in your head right now? What quiets the chatter? Leave a comment.
PS. I wish I were on Spring Break with my daughter. She is working. I am working. We are not in the same city. Thank goodness we have a plan to hike together and be in SPRING. I hope it happens.
Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188
I asked this question in a group and many said, “When my children got into college, married, loved their job out of college, had grandchildren, moved close to them, vacationed without their children, got healthy, downsized, made a career change, finally learned how to grow organic vegetables, took up ceramics, wrote their book, were featured in an art gallery, joined a church choir, taught art classes, made healthy lunches for teachers, read to neighbors, healed from supposedly terminal breast cancer, learned to focus back on themselves and not be a pleaser, yoga, meditation, walks every day, and not jumping every time their children needed something. I am sure you could add to this short list.
Yes, parents and boomers talked about their dream travels that came true and that some re-married or chose to live with a new partner. I don’t have the secret to what makes dreams come true. Do you? I do know that I am for sure a hopeful person. I think that feeds my dreams. I am persistent and curious. I have learned to let go when a window won’t open.
What dreams came true for you? When times are challenging you can pull up those memories. Pull them up even when you are happy. Some experts say happiness is making the choice every day to be and do what makes you happy.
I was looking at my photos on line. Chatting with Rick Bayless, who is an award winning chef-restaurateur and television personality, walking in a vegetable garden with him, and having him autograph menus from his restaurant that I saved for seven years, was a dream come true. We were both teaching at the world renown fitness and spa retreat called Rancho La Puerta, which sits on 3000 acres outside San Diego, Ca in Mexico.
I was excited and nervous. I had never been there. Going to this resort was also on my dream list and to top it off, to participate in a cooking class and sit and chat with Rick Bayless, a chef whose recipes I often cooked, made me leap with how great life can be. Even a good change like actually having a dream come true, can be challenging. It takes us out of our comfort zone and shakes us up.
That was last October. Happily, I will be teaching there again the end of July for a week. You can see the blurb and read who else will be presenting that week at my website under Events, www.emptynestsupport.com. You might want to start a piggy bank and save to go to Rancho La Puerta Resort and Spa. I met people I still am in contact with and immersed myself in nature, health, and fun.
So, what dreams have come true for you and what is on your future dream list? What do you think helps a dream come true? Share with us so we can support you and pass the inspiration on for others to keep dreams alive.
Take good care.
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188
Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Lifetime Radio for Women, N. Y. Times, L. A. Times, Better Homes and Gardens, Associated Press, and more
A father called excited about his daughter coming home for Spring Break.
She has been shivering in snow and boring meals. He is ready to connect and treat her well. They are driving to warmer climates and relaxation, just the two of them.
Empty Nesters have called asking for tips during the Spring Break re-unite gathering:
1. Have fun being in the same place together. Smile. It sounds obvious but old habits can bring banging doors and screaming tantrums.
2. Remind yourself that your role as parents has shifted. You have made changes to your life with them gone and they have had no authority to monitor their behavior or schedule.
3. Say yes more than no. Power struggles are normal. How do you want to handle them? Think ahead about what punches your buttons.
4. Stay flexible with plans and needs. Say what you want. Negotiate and then let it go. Walk on….
5. You are still a role model so check in with yourself to see how you are doing and what you are portraying to your children.
You don’t need to overdo. You do need to feel good about yourself.
A mom told me she has to rearrange her daughter’s room since she has been using it for crafts and reading. She laughed at remembering how the first month of empty nest she didn’t even want to open the door to her daughter’s room. She cried too much. Now she still can come to tears but she is finding her new way of life without watching the clock to pick up her daughter at school or go to a weekend track event.
Spring is showing itself. What are you planning for yourself?
Take care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188 Los Angeles, CA
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I remember a woman once said to me,”If you don’t feel nervous , you aren’t really becoming more of who you might be.”
Well, for now, I choose not to be judged on a Red Carpet for how I look or act and yet if I were nominated to walk the Red Carpet,
I would work on accepting my appearance, get expert advice from people I trust, and fluff off critic opinions.
Actually, the Red Carpet and I, even though I live in Los Angeles, are not going to be partnering. I love watching the Oscars. It use to be a tradition with my daughter before she went off to college and then built her own life of Oscar and friends. We had her friends and ours at my home for a fantasy party and a bet of who do you think will win. Great memory.
I read the stars are going vintage on the Red Carpet this year. Will they look like those photos I posted?
Do you remember a time you went way out of your comfort zone and still had a good time?
Single mothers and dads have shared with me that they feel uncomfortable going solo to parties .
They see couples hand in hand or chatting away and there they are, standing, looking around or chatting with strangers, briefly.
We can understand how our children feel trying something new. When they were little, they tantrumed about having to go somewhere new and we still made them go.
Sometimes, don’t you think you need a push out the door and a quiet button to push when your head chatters about not going due to awkwardness, fear,
nothing to wear, bad weather, too far to drive or too tired?
So remind yourselves of the times you stopped the chatter, got out the door,and had a great time? No matter what age we are, fear is real and trying something new is awkward.
Are you going to watch the Oscars and who is your vote for best……..?
Natalie
Spring is slowly showing herself. Parents have been sharing with me what they look forward to doing for fun. Most feel embarrassed to say it out loud, “I don’t really know what I like doing that is simply for fun. I am such a worker bee, and doer.” Can you relate?
Work is fun so that means shifting your perception about fun. Getting up and out the door to DO is fun. If the activity enlivens you, it is fun. If you look forward to it, that’s fun.
Sitting at a caf
This is one of my favorite dusk photos I shot. Now that I have more free time, I grab my digital and step outside, sometimes in a robe, just to catch a surprise.
I hope each of you finds something that lifts you and excites you to step out.
Send me your ideas or photos of your creativity. Share on our free message board, story of the month and blogs.
We are building a lifetime community and explorations that includes the softest Kleenex when needed and the giggles of a surprise.
It isn’t easy beginning again, so why do it alone. Often I need to remind myself that this is how it is for today and hopefully not for always. Share your story with someone. Talking heals. Listening heals.
When your kids disappoint by not calling back or even calling to just say hi, I am sorry to say, there is nothing you can do about that. Sure you ask and that is a good thing, but you can’t make them follow through when they leave home…no more time out corners.
Everyone has a favorite food, take a photo of that when you cook and email it to family and friends. Creativity lifts your energy and just might light a new idea. What has been lifting you lately?
Take good care,
Natalie
The photo is outside my office window. In the winter it looks like dead leaves . Suddenly, this red closed bud, appears in a vine, spreading. Soon it will open to white fragrant jasmine. Spring is near. A new beginning, again.
So how can you open to something new for yourself?
1. Step SMALL, no leaps. Give yourself permission to change your mind.
2. Remind yourself the role you played as a parent, shifts. Get a reality check on your EXPECTATIONS.
3. What did you enjoy doing before children? Did you like to be OUTSIDE or in? QUIET or moving?
4. How can you make PEACE with the situation you are in today? What do you need today?
5. What kind of decision maker are you? Do you ponder, leap, collaborate the idea, spin like a hamster on a wheel?
6. Write how you would describe yourself to someone who was interviewing you. Read it out loud to just yourself. Any thoughts come up for you?
7. When you are hopeful and nothing seems to be shifting, you might need to do nothing, ask a friend who believes in you to chat with you, or plan one nurturing thing for yourself. What is it that nurtures you? If you can’t think of anything, rearrange a part of your home. Move things around.
No one wants to go through changes alone. Get support. An empty nest mother and I chatted on the telephone. Her small new step was going to be to order coffee at her local caf
Who makes up these words that age us? Can you imagine Meryl Streep ever being called a BABY BOOMER? She probably is an empty nester but doesn’t get that label either.
It is hard enough to love ourselves for the way we act and look without these childish labels. Yes I am older now. We all are.
My challenges aren’t impossible. I get very lonely, sad, confused, and want to quite some days. Show me the money so I can be freer!
My children are adults. Thank goodness. I have more time to hear myself and make choices for my weekends. Yes, I deeply miss connecting with them and seeing their adorable faces, interesting talks, and energetic bounces through the house. I can’t change that they are growing up. I can’t make them call or come for holidays. Who ever thought we as parents could have that power? I did think that in the beginning of my life when they went to college. I don’t anymore. I learned I had to live my life hour by hour and not expect from them. Bonus if my phone or email had a message.
I dream of living in a walking community with people who are at a similar availability. I want partnering and at the same time I am accepting solo time. My life is too important to waste on disappointments. Sure, I sob and tantrum but thank goodness I rise again.
I know people whose life has changed due to illness, pain and isolation with no answers, yet. My pain is real when it emerges whether in my head, heart, or body. I just keep gathering ways to cope. I let myself collapse to a movie in bed when I have little hope. I think one thing that catches me is friends who were there and aren’t. Love that seemed strong and isn’t. I have no answers for all that. I have no answers for why work, which I think is an honor and need, is so difficult to obtain, as we get older.
We hear do what you love. I think that, in the stage when children have left home, can be misleading. Do anything. In other countries people don’t have as many choices to think and choose as we do. Pick something to try.
Boomer, empty nester, we are people who want to share and sing. Becoming invisible needs a tailor.
Thank you for listening.
Do you feel like you are in the thick of it and just want a little opening of a better day?
For some parents, college acceptance letters are arriving , for others Spring Break with children deciding not to come home or the anxiety of transition, home and then gone again, differences and needs and getting the connection you long for with your changing children.
How do you shift a day where you feel trapped in your disappointments?
You have heard it over and over ….feel grateful for what you do have, even the ordinary days. Days where you aren’t sick, your car works, you can get outside, you have one friend, and you can do something creative.
A dad called me to chat about his emptiness that wasn’t caused by a silent house, but by the thoughts of NOW WHAT? Soon his son is heading to college and time is up. He said, TIME IS UP? I AM TRAPPED? Grieving came up. Tears fell. He needed a safe good cry and who doesn’t? A little light beamed through the thick of it when he dropped into how well he had loved his son and that the love would anchor them.
How do you handle a disappointing day? What gratitude can lift you even for a moment? “You are grateful that you……” Sometimes what worked for a lift doesn’t work and that is normal. You just don’t have the energy to shift.
That is ok too. If you can’t get your tears to fall and you need a good cry, turn on music or watch a movie to induct those tears. We all need to grieve changes. You won’t be forgotten.
Focus back on yourself and ask, WHAT do you want to do that would nurture you? ARE your expectations fantasy these days? HAVE you forgotten to make an inner connection with the bigger picture of your life? CAN you make peace with not knowing what you want to do or be and continue on your journey without being critical of yourself? Do you need some cheese and bread topped with jam or new pair of cozy socks? What about complaining, whining, tantruming? Seriously, we all do it.
Disappointments happen. Who wouldn’t be feeling stuck when disappointments continue and don’t beam any visible light?
Take good care,
Natalie
Cooking. Well not all of you. I met a woman last night at a celebration party who gave it up. What replaced that creativity? Nonprofit work for an author, long walks and whatever. She was so calm and clear about doing a little of this and a little of that which sounds like how she use to make up cooking recipes.
No longer does she feel like she has to make everything happen. She can exercise twice a week, meet a friend for dinner, work, do art, re-arrange her house furniture, research, see a movie. Well you get the idea. She
took the “charge” off of go go go do do do and she is very healthy and happy.
It isn’t easy to trust your instincts about what you will do for the day or evening, after work. There is an internal pusher that needs to be quieted. Do you have a part of you that thinks you don’t add value if you aren’t doing something?
What other ways, besides for your routine and work can ignite aliveness in you? Pause and make a note of what thought just popped in your mind. You think you will remember but often that flash is over so jot it down anywhere right now.
You get to begin something and change your mind. Take the pressure off of having to choose the RIGHT thing for you. Begin and notice if you feel more excited or depleted. Exercising might feel depleting until you awaken those muscles to a new habit.
What might be different for you this week if you quieted your chatter in your precious mind and tried a new way of living a day and evening beyond your necessary work? Maybe it is a shift in the way you work and what you are telling yourself as you respond to your to do list. Maybe it is daydreaming or walking buddle up simple to see what you see .
Share with us,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188
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When I was in Vancouver I tried new foods and new trails.
The advantage of being a Boomer and Empty Nester is that I can make a wish list and actually complete it without watching the clock or dashing to the grocery store.
Vancouver had been on my wish list for years. There is always a reason you can come to that stops you from giving to yourself.
Money, time, health, being solo, and yet there is a voice within that could grow and tell you, just do it. Stop thinking about it so much and go for it.
I can drive myself crazy in my head with thoughts that limit me. Now I catch myself and say, Pack it up. Live it now.
Ask your friend to support you in focusing on you now. Use email or text or the phone for a week as a way for your friend to remind you to live it now.
It could be taking a drive or going to a movie in the day time. No one will punish you for having fun. Parents are care takers. Shift your role and care for you. Let me know what fun you put on your list and did.
Take care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org