I think most of us push ourselves too hard to do something when clarity hasn’t arrived.
Parents call me tearful that they can’t get over the emptiness. Who is rushing you?
Do you think if you float that might bring you something you didn’t even realize had value?
A mother, who now lives solo, since her children are married and she is divorced, was ready to explore what might be possible for her that would bring new meaning to her life.
Her mind chattered away daily at her to do something, snap out of it, get a life already.
It isn’t easy to change our habits of do do do . It isn’t easy to quiet the voice within that tells you that you aren’t doing enough or changing behaviors that you have wrestled with for years.
She did come to the place of feeling the beauty in simply floating with not knowing, not having any answers, yet. She struggled with this and stopped herself when the habitual chatter in her almost deafened her into exhaustion. One way she shifted into floating was to start her day and end her day differently.
She took her English breakfast tea for a morning walk. Mug in hand surrounded by red gloves and topped in a yellow hat, she walked for twenty minutes, sipping the warmth.
In the evening, she turned off the TV and read a mystery book, journaled and doodled in her writing pad. Music played and comforting soups adding the scent of home for her. She floats in her own beauty now of being enough and doing enough for now.
Beauty is in being. Clarity arrives when it arrives. Learn to trust you won’t be forgotten.
Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188 Los Angeles, CA.
Featured in Time Magazine, Lifetime Radio for Women, Better Homes and Gardens, and more.
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I took this photo when I was in Washington, D.C. I keep it in my office to remind me of the bigger picture in life. How am I affecting others and what are my values? Am I carrying around issues in life that I need to put down?
A dad called to chat about feeling lost in the empty house. He was questioning his life in regards to what matters now and what doesn’t. Part of what he discovered is that he spent too much time spinning his worries in his head. He needed to grieve…cry and rest. Things didn’t work out the way he thought they would. He kept pushing forward rather than pausing. What comforted him was to remember the positive affect he has had on his children and that he has values that are solid, not inconsistent.
Write yourself a note about how you have positively affected your children. Is it from making your home feel safe? Is it your being there for them even when you were exhausted? Is it that you do hear them and don’t hammer them about what you think they SHOULD do in life rather than what they are exploring?
When you read the above questions what came to mind for you?
Take care,
Natalie
Empty Nesters and Boomers are partnering and going solo. What can they do to celebrate love? I love using my digital camera. I am a lover of gardens, oceans, and forests and lakes. I take my camera and shoot. I have no idea what speed or distance to stand. I experiment.
This week, I keep my photo of the feather image by my computer because it reminds me to flow. Love is a flow. Flow rather than getting stuck in your head or bored. I also keep a flower photo to remind me of wonderment and that Spring will return. Isn’t that love?
When I am doing things I love then I have more to give others. Life changes. Change is normal. I think changes keep us trusting rather than controlling. Change opens you to creativity. What do you know about yourself that you love doing?
You know I believe the more you know who you are and aren’t the more you can really see the other person. ..BE with another person. Celebrate love in a new way today. What will that be for you?
I am making these lemon cheese cakes for us. Well, they might look like that photo. Remind yourself of the love you have given and the love you have received.
Life changes. THE LOVE YOU FEEL FOR YOURSELF is always a celebration. Pass kindness on to your partners, children, family, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles…well you get the idea. Do something today that will bring up your love. What music lifts you to get up and sing or dance? Just do it for love today! Kick up the wild side.
Here is a quotation from Georgia OKeefe.
“When you take a flower in your hand and really look at it, it’s your world for the moment. I want to give that world to someone else. Most people in the city rush around, so they have no time to look at a flower. I want them to see it whether they want to or not.”
Have fun feelin the love. Let us know what you do to feel the love?
Natalie
This week emails and calls have been about the winter blues. Parents want to chat more with their children but the children aren’t interested. Don’t take it personally. They don’t care if it is snowing. Youth sends them out and about like an ordinary day. They don’t have fears of slipping and falling on the ice.
What can you do?
– Make a list of three things you really want to do or see before the end of 2010.
– Research your interests.
– Explore a class online.
– If you have been thinking about getting a pet, research that and email your friends to get the truth about caring for a pet.
– Make an emergency list of contact numbers, etc. Put it in your car and purse and on the refrigerator. Email the list to two of your friends.
– Write letters to friends and family.
– Do art. Collages, watercolors, photo books.
– Declutter one drawer, one closet at a time.
– Journal writing about how you want your summer to be.
– Plan ahead for what would be fun for you to do for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Make cards.
– Make a quotation basket for daily inspirations.
– Plan three new meals.
Any choice you make that lifts your spirits is a good choice. Try it and quit. Adults get to change their mind and not follow through. You can crumble an idea into the trash.
– Meditate for five minutes.
– Stretch for five.
– Deep Breathing for five.
We can do anything if we think it is for a short time. See where that leads you.
Put music on and rest in bed.
One of my new winter hot drinks is adding ground coffee to my hot chocolate and a dash of cinnamon.
Take good care and let us know how you are doing,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188
This empty nester is on the countdown to the Super Bowl. Good reason to view the food photos again and share them with you.
Where have you had great food?
Being an empty nester, my wish has been to travel more. We don’t always get what we wish for, but this time I did. New Orleans music, people, and food are now a fun memory for me and a pull to return.
Here are some photos for you. What places are on your wish list to visit or bring you happy memories?
I feel lousy. I rarely see my children. I can’t afford to fly there nor can they fly back home.
The dread is they don’t really think about getting together as much as we do. I feel guilty about needing to be around them. Do other parents feel this way?
My image of family is time together. I can’t shake that. Family is number one for me in terms of meaning in life. I have tried every hobby and get away.
My conclusion is I like family. I don’t want to adopt or do for other families. I want mine while we are all still well and able to be together. I don’t think moving near them is the answer because it feels too uncertain. Uncertain money wise and if it would still give me family time, if that isn’t important to them.
We have had many talks about my feelings but no conclusions.
Does anyone have these feelings and how did you solve the situation?
Thanks for being here on this website of empty nesters.
Carrie
Thanks, Gaye, for sending me our childhood memory. Looks like a great day in the life and they just keep on keepin on.
Hey, can any of you recognize which one is me?
Send me an email natalie@emptynestsupport.com and guess which one just for the fun of it!. Natalie
As your age climbs, your home vacates, you lose your job, you are ill, or you divorce, do you feel unseen?
A mom called telling me she feels like a fog covers her. I asked her, after chatting awhile, what is the gift of a fog covering you? Immediately she said, “I can be ok with doing nothing.”
I think we forget that in emptiness or a veil of fog, we need to give ourselves PERMISSION to not push ahead, to not fill the silence or the unknown with doing. We are so use to jumping to the force that says, re-invent yourself now, lose the weight, start dating, change jobs, move, volunteer, get over that hurt, or do something by changing your perspective if you feel invisible.
There is a gift for you in an empty space. Not only more room or possibilities to come , but space to simply let thoughts and feelings float. TRUST. Life that was may be shifting and that doesn’t mean you have no life.
When I am stuck, I journal without stopping to correct spelling or see if what I am writing is profound. I write to connect with ME. I write to invite a surprise on the page.
Like an empty nest, your life fills and vacates with the roots of unique you. TRUST. You will not be forgotten nor ignored. There is a gift in the unseen. What might that gift be for you today? The gift of the fog today is…….. The gift of my empty nest is………… simply write …turn on some music if you like writing to music.
Take good care,
Natalie
818-763-0188 Los Angeles, Ca.
Featured in Time Magazine, USA TODAY, Lifetime Radio for Women, Better Homes and Gardens. N. Y. Times, and more
www.emptynestsupport.com
Don’t’ you wish you had this kitchen? I do. Cooking for me is creative and relaxing after work, although I admit there are times I’m over that and want to be served.
I have been fortunate to meet some inspiring, friendly chefs which feeds my fantasy of being a top notch chef whose restaurant has a waiting list for happy foodies. Remember I said that was a fantasy. I know how difficult and time inclusive restaurant owning and being a chef can be.
Have you had fantasies of a different career rather than the one you have lived? I even thought I would love working for Travel and Leisure Magazine and report from exotic locations, taking exquisite photos.
Then I woke up and remembered I hate mosquitoes and chapped lips.
I never wanted to be a ski instructor. I am not physically that confident. I went water skiing at Lake Tahoe about four years ago but that was because I was inspired to be the “fun aunt/mom” while I watched my three nephews and daughter spontaneously laugh while whirling over the waves and saying can I do it again? I skied once praying I could get up and stay up. I did but truly I wanted hot chocolate and pajamas. I didn’t ask if I could do it again!
I dreamed of being an architect but of course I didn’t want to pay that much attention to details and numbers. I did want to see something I created standing tall. I settled for my tall daughter.
Cooking and chefs are still a passion. Soon I will be sharing pictures of a mentoring idea that came to me while walking my neighborhood.
What careers or hobbies have you dreamed of even though you knew you wouldn’t do them, or did you?
Have some fun,
Natalie
818-763-0188 Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, Lifetime Radio for Women, USA Today, N. Y. Times, and more.
When I ask my clients that question there is a big pause. Even though they have more free time they are mixed about what is fun for them. Fun is a trial and error process and a call to put something on your calendar that starts your engines.
Below are some things that bring a smile:
Edith Baumann enjoys more freedom for her passion to paint since her son graduated college and later, married. Edith Baumann-Collective Pattern exhibition will be January 30-March 6, 2010 at Santa Monica College Pete and Susan Barrett Art Gallery. Edith says she learns more about her work when her collection is hung in a neutral space and she can stand back and view what she may not have seen up close in her art studio. That reminded me how, as parents, we see our children differently when they stand away from us and we get to see them in their own style.
Frances Colpitt writes “A uniquely sensitive hard- edge painter, Edith Baumann infuses the flat and sharply defined ‘colorforms’ of LA’s homegrown style of geometric abstraction with grace and vitality. In her paintings, color is radiant, monochromatic fields breathe, and crisp edges quiver almost imperceptibly, enlivened with the touch of her hand. Baumann is an artist of substance and every aspect of her paintings deserves and rewards careful looking.”
I hope you get a chance to view her work in person or click on her website below. I am looking forward to attending her art opening in Santa Monica, Ca. and seeing her adult son stand in appreciation of his mom.
http://edithbaumannstudio.com/
May you have the time for your creative passions,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org