Hi everyone,
I am new to this online community. I feel safe already
.
I regret I didn’t do more for myself when raising my family. I was the good wife, pleaser, loyal friend and daughter. I care take well and my children love that.
I am over it now. I worked but love of family was on my top list. Now they are happy and out of the house.
Time for me to look ahead. I don’t have a lot of friends like I use to. My family is gone. I am here.
I watch less TV so I don’t get the blues of not having the house decorated, parties, right clothes to wear, shop shop shopping and oh aren’t the holidays such a wonderful time for friends and family. For some, yes. No one wants to talk about the groups who don’t have all that inspiration and gathering.
I am moving ahead. I make lists of what I will do when I am ready, like a book club at the house.
I cry and then get over myself. I really have a good enough life. I can be happy so that is what I am wishing for. New life with a friend, passions, and surprises that make me laugh. I want to use the talents I have and keep healthy in my mind and body.
Sometimes I wait too long to give to myself so I wrote a note in my bathroom, “Give to Lindsey today.”
I have an anonymous mentor who is wonderful. I am not an alcoholic. I am a survivor of bad days. I really wish for all of you that you find someone to help you when the blues trap you.
Happy life forward,
Lindsey
My reminder to you and myself…
Make the time to refresh so you can endure whatever comes your way. What does refresh mean to you?
I have been drinking more hot chocolate with pumpkin spices and simply sitting, not reading, not thinking. I still practice taking deep breaths and closing my eyes. I bundle up and get outside noticing all the colors and how big the brown and yellowish fig leaves are that drop, leaving the tree empty. I like that look.
My daily practice, for years, is to ask, how am I feeling and what do I need right now. It works for me. It has become automatic like brushing my teeth. I like feeling connected with myself and getting into the moment. If I don’t ask me, who will? If I don’t get here now verses reviewing how Thanksgiving went or what I want to do to decorate for the holidays, I am not refreshing myself. What practices do you do?
Beauty makes me feel vibrant and grateful. I move things around in each room and take away more than leave out, as I go room to room. I like open spaces. I am growing paper whites and amaryllis, stunning and unpredictable as far as when they will bloom and how long their beauty will fill the room. I like to photograph the stages. I do it every year.
I play more music and less television. I love bowls, baskets, and blankets and candles. I fill empty vases with greenery from the yard. I leave books on the tables, some poetry or photography or a child’s story like Olivia.
– I have water in a bowl with a floating flower.
– If my office gets over loaded with notes, research books, and papers, at the end of the day, – I put them in a basket so my space looks organized and I don’t feel overwhelmed with the to do’s of work life. Fresh branches from our eucalyptus tree or cut rosemary from the back yard bush fills a vase in my office and always a candle for focus, calmness, or prayer.
– I love paper and pens. I switch photos for inspiration and memories.
– Yes, I talk to myself…good job, Natalie. I know you didn’t want to do that but sometimes you have to do things you don’t like.
Refresh before the next holiday by getting to know more about yourself and treating yourself very well. I thought I was good at refreshing until the other day when I was so exhausted and feeling lonely. I realized I needed to stop and have no responding time and emptiness to my day and evening.
What will you do to refresh before the next holiday?
Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Los Angeles 818-763-0188
You think you can do and be it all for others during the holidays:
– Make scrumptious meals
– Decorate your home with sparkles and colors of beauty and aroma
– Add music and laughter
– Look dazzling and vibrant
– Light the fire and open the bar
– Spiffy the house in go green cleanliness
– Comfort and care for returning children
– Choose topics of conversation that won’t ruffle anyone’s feathers
– Make donations to the Food Drive
– Ask what everyone is grateful for in their life
– Set the tone of love and peace
You can probably add even more images and expectations for the holidays
I too am reminding myself to simply BE MYSELF and check in with ME… “How are you doing, what are you feeling and what do you need right now?” After all… if not now, WHEN……we are or most of us are, in our forties, fifties, sixties and isn’t it time to love who we are? Enjoy these gatherings no matter what we don’t have, can’t be, don’t want to be, or can’t make happen?
I know it isn’t easy to avoid the pop up voices in our head of how it was or should be …expectations. I am going to hope for awareness, give hugs, laugh, listen, and eat whatever yummy foods I desire (pumpkin pie and stuffing).
Happy Thanksgiving includes YOU.
Take care,
Natalie
The tears just fall. You thought you were over the pain. You never imagined there were so many tears in a body, but there they are, irritating your nose and quivering your lip.
HELP LIST:
Life is complex. We get tired of pulling ourselves up to be the best we can be. That pusher part of us can be over rated in times where being the best you can be is being in touch with what you are thinking and feeling…simply being with yourself as you are and not fixing anything about you or having to do anything for others.
You won’t stay in that place forever. A new wave will carry you to the outer world, again. Trust that you know yourself and will know what you need. Go inside and ask, “WHAT DO I NEED TODAY AND HOW CAN I HAVE THAT FOR MYSELF?”
Take care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188 Los Angeles, CA
www.emptynestsupport.com
Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, N.Y. TIMES, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS, ASSOCIATED PRESS,LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, and more.
What are your excitements, empty nesters, and concerns about your children coming home for the holidays or winter break?
Being a parent and speaking with thousands of parents in and out of this country I think UNREALITISTIC EXPECTATIONS dampen the mood.
It isn’t easy not falling back into our roles as nurse, chef, therapist, banker, baby-sitter, and house keeper, etc. You get the picture. So keep what matters to you, in focus. Don’t change your plans in the hope they will be home for dinner or join all of you for the movies. Check in with them by keeping your communication short and flexible. They listen and you listen. Sounds simple but when we have wants it gets COMPLEX. We love parenting and we love time to self care.
How to hold both the excitement and concerns? Stay realistic that they have other people to see, different tolerance and sleep patterns than you do. FOR EXAMPLE, they rarely think things like: Oh that is too far to drive, IT is already dark and I don’t want to go back out again, I can’t stay up that late because I have to get up early for work…….
Just reminding yourself that they aren’t who they were before they left home and you aren’t either keeps the moments in a healthy perspective.
So what is exciting and what is concerning you as you make your shopping list, count the days for the big hug, sparkle the house and dust their room?
Let us know what you are thinking about!
Take care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188 Los Angeles
Just when you get yourself in the driver’s seat of your new role as a parent and new interests, children come back.
You can relate to this road that you wish you didn’t have to travel. I am here to remind you that you are the driver.
I remind you. You remind me. We don’t want to give up what took us pain, trial and error, and time to develop. We learned to shift our role as parents but children come home and want the old parent back….even though you warned them there would be “consequences” to growing up. Good consequences for all. Adults…..
But the point is, don’t give up your routine. Yes you want to be flexible and enjoy the short or long stay when they come to visit, but you don’t have to go back to being the manager, cook, cleaner, problem solver, bank, nurse and doctor. You get to choose how you want the time to be. They can cook dinner for all of you. They can keep the noise down since you get up the next morning for work. They aren’t guests who deserve a vacation at your expense.
And, there are no rules….paradoxes again. It is like potty training. What worked one day may be an accident the next!
Key is to remind yourself of your morals and values and what punches your buttons. Are you carrying unrealistic expectations and therefore setting yourself up for resentment? Resentment towards yourself that you didn’t see what you needed to see before you started screaming. Yes, mistakes will happen. Carry on….care for yourself. That is love.
Well, there you have the short story of the roller coaster ride. What’s your roller coaster ride these days? Comment here or send an email, natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Take care,
Natalie and read the PS which I could have shared early.
PS. My best times when my daughter returns are to let her know ahead of time what I would like, what’s up for me and for her to share the same information and feelings. Sure life changes and we swim with that shift or drown for a bit and eventually, pop up for real air. Communicating repels resentment. Chatting with myself first on what really will happen verses fantasy, keeps me sane. Saying, “I’m not thrilled with that idea,” rather than, “Oh sure I am fine with that,” makes for a good night’s sleep. You know what I mean because love can be seductive and the word, yes, falls out before no.
Hello,
I am single, love my career, but mostly love my children. They are on their way to being grownups. All are in college. It is great.
I knew the day would come and got previews of emptiness when they were rarely home, but it is not the same as them being gone for months.
I actually feel embarrassed that sadness visits me. It is not like I didn’t have a life outside my children. I am athletic and social, not isolated.
I make a good living not rich but not poor. Work life is fulfilling. Dating is good. Not being THE MOM or with THE MOMS from their high school, is a loss. I like that community. I get so happy when my kids call.
Something is for sure missing in my life. I do ok with not thinking about my kids or calling too much but some days, I feel immobile with the life I have.
I want to change not feeling like my life is enough or I am enough or that mothering meant more than all the other parts of my life.
Does anyone else have these thoughts? What helped to make the changes?
Thanks for letting me write to all of you.
Ellen
Free Teleseminar
Are You Confused?
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain
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Does that sound like something you want to hear more about for free? Well, I was very curious as I researched this company over the summer.
I am excited to offer to you a free teleseminar that will show you how to find what is next for you , the adult.
Yes, your children might want to listen in as well, so you can pass this email to them, but this is really for YOU.
Holly, whose father started this company decades ago, will be guiding me through the process of honing in on and expanding my areas of interests by offering her expertise on how to explore what might be next for me. I will be her client so that you can experience how this process works.
When: Thursday, November 5, 2009
Where: Teleseminar on the telephone for free
Time: Pacific time is 10:00 am and Eastern time is 1:00 pm.
What to do next: Email natalie@emptynestsupport.com in order to receive the telephone number to call and the password code. If the time isn’t good for you, still email Natalie letting her know you are signing up for free for this INTERIM GAP YEAR teleseminar . You will be able to access the link of the session through the computer.
All you have to do is email Natalie in order to listen to how Holly guides Natalie by asking her specific questions of interests and offers her lists of possibilities based on Holly’s years of experience and what she hears Natalie talk about during the one hour teleseminar. Holly will also share what other clients have chosen to do next.
I am very excited Holly is willing to give her time and experience to all of us. She understands how one can be confused and hungry for meaning and fun.
For further information, email Natalie natalie@emptynestsupport.com or email to sign up by saying , Yes I want to join in on the teleseminar, November 5th.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
On the web www.emptynestsupport.com
Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
Change is inevitable. Get Ready . Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Online classes
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Free active message board – connect with others
– Story of the Month
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Los Angeles, CA
Memories of brides, monsters, and butterfly wings visit empty nesters that aren’t going to school parades or walking the neighborhoods with their children carrying pumpkin bags and flashlights.
I love the surprise costumes when I open the front door and hear, “Trick or Treat.” The parents stand in the background, saying to tiny ones, “Go on, open your bag and say trick or treat.” Smiles come to me remembering being that parent.
I will make comfort sage, butternut squash soup and light the fire and paper cat lanterns. Last year, with no children at home, I took pictures of my neighbor’s children as I opened the door to, TRICK OR TREAT.
What will you be doing this Halloween?
I hope you get some treats for yourself.
Take care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
www.emptynestsupport.com
Featured in Time Magazine, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Better Homes and Gardens, and more.
– Call for a private consultation: 800 446 3310
– Join a support group
– Invite Natalie for a speaking engagement
I am on the happy countdown to attending the conference in Long Beach, California. Are you going to be there? Would you like to meet up and say hello? I would if you are there, so email me, natalie@emptynestsupport.com before you go and I can figure out a place for us to say hello.
I am so grateful I got tickets since it sold out in nine minutes online.
The tickets are so colorful: A Day of Transformation. Tips and Tools For How to Become an Architect of Change. We, who are on the way to emptying our nest or sitting in it, definitely know about change so we can relate.
I will attend, Making Your Job Matter or Exploring a New Career, Writing Your Book, Breakout conversations, Exhibits, Night at the Village, Awards Ceremony, Once-in-a Lifetime Conversation: Legend to Legend, and Women in Power: What Happens When Women Run Things?
What will you be attending?
I look forward to being enlightened, inspired, and surprised with what opens in me. After integration from what I learn and feel, I wonder what baby step I will take or who knows, maybe a leap into something new that I can’t imagine until I am there. But I do know I am excited and grateful to be gathering, learning, and meeting new people.
What are you excited about as we are on the countdown to being there?
I think the dress is casual and business casual so no Hanes t-shirts for me in public. What will you wear? I just don’t want my feet to hurt.
Email me what you want me to keep a look out for, if you can’t be there or what topic notes you want me to take for you after you look at their website: http://www.californiawomen.org/the-womens-conference/
Email me if you are attending so we can meet. You know what I look like because of my picture on my website but I don’t know what you look like. We will come up with a fun way to find each other. Bottom line….email me,
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
www.emptynestsupport.com
Los Angeles 818-763-0188
Did I already say, I AM SO EXCITED TO BE THERE?
Safe travels,
Natalie
“I never doubted that Natalie had my best interest and my family’s interest in her heart as she passed me Kleenex and taught me fantastic skills to prepare for my empty nest.”
Patricia Resnick, writer, author, award winner, NINE TO FIVE book, movie, and Broadway screenplay.
_________________________
“It a world where many people look at ageing as a negative it’s truly refreshing to read Natalie’s sage advice to empty nesters that life’s glass can be half full not half empty”.
Gill Walker
Managing Director
Evergreen Advertising & Marketing
Abbotsford ,VIC (Australia)
___________________________
“We were honored to have Natalie on the EZHelp, You and More Internet Radio Show. Her contagious enthusiasm and subject knowledge provided us a very empowering interview. I will always remember the “sticky fish” scenario.”
BIG BOB
Host
EZHelp, You and More Show
__________________________________
“College students aren’t the only ones to face transition when they back their bags and say “sayonara” to casa de mom and dad. The parents standing before the (finally) clean, but empty bedroom face transition too. Natalie Caine supports empty nesters through the joys and challenges that come with new parental roles, while empowering moms and dads across the nation to create their own “brave new world!”
Maria Pascucci
President & Founder
Campus Calm – where students speak out about grades, stress and personal well-being
_________________________________
“Natalie Caine has been the National Association of Baby Boomer Women’s faithful Empty Nest Expert since the inception of our association in 2005. She continues to touch the hearts and souls of women and their spouses with her insightful knowledge regarding this heart wrenching, yet liberating time facing baby boomers nationwide. We appreciate her candor, wit and thoughtfulness when addressing this targeted audience. She is the sole expert who has dedicated her work to this critical passage of time.”
Dotsie Bregel, Founder
National Association of Baby Boomer Women
__________________________
“Natalie truly understands the empty nest journey and continues to help me shift my mothering role and feed my dreams.”
Linda Bergman, Bergman Entertainment.
_____________________________
“Natalie facilitated our support group with compassion and inspiration in learning how to shift and take a step in a new direction. I wouldn’t have made it through the journey without her.” Anita Atencio, mother, graphic artist
Natalie Caine has been with Boomer-Living.com for three years. During that time, she has developed a large group of devoted readers who look forward to her monthly advice and tips to improve their lives. Natalie’s understanding of social change is remarkable. Each of her articles is enlightening, informative and interesting to read.”
Dr. Douglas H. Fitzgerald
President and Founder
Boomer-Living.com
__________________________
“I wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you to Natalie Caine and her Empty Nest Support Services.
When I decided to take advantage of Natalie’s articles in our boomer women section on Boomersforever.com web site I had know idea of the great response and interest I would receive from our numerous boomer readers. There is a need for valuable information in this area Natalie writes about.
I think Natalie’s article she wrote – Do You Know What You Want To Do? really reaches boomers who now face situations such as burn out, depression ,stress attacks and a general feeling of worthlessness. Not knowing what direction to go next, is a major problem for this growing generation. This article really helps create a positive attitude and give people ideas of what to do in there every day life. Great article Natalie!”
Howard Eva
Boomers Forever
info@boomersforever.com
We all need someone to help us on the empty nest new map of life. For sure some scenes will be constant and others are up ahead for exploring.
1. Check in with yourself throughout the day.
2. Ask how you are feeling, what’s up, what have you been thinking about today? Do you want to shift any of those thoughts?
3. What fun have you put on your calendar even if you don’t have someone to venture out with it. You might meet someone on the way or discover it isn’t so bad going solo.
4. When you feed your eyes with beauty and newness, that lifts your spirits and creativity, but you knew that..like I said, these are reminders that you probably already know.
5. What do you need for yourself right now?
I have been traveling for work. For sure, I have had times of feeling out of my comfort zone. Surprise is, I have been having a fantastic time traveling alone. I have made new friends along the way that I feel will now become lifelong friends. We have emailed this week and been happily surprised with meeting each other.
I give myself plenty of time at airports and never travel without paper and pen or snacks.
I love teaching and giving gifts. I gave everyone a toe ring to remind them to put their toe in the water, since there was plenty of water around the property, for anything new they might enjoy. I had photos of water and music to rest into.
What do you need to be reminded of? How could you begin a new practice or ritual for yourself?
Well, lots of questions. Pick a few or play with all of them.
Email me how you are doing and what next step you might need. Steps also include doing nothing, just another reminder.
Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Speaking engagements, workshops, private consultations, support groups and a very active free message forum on www.emptynestsupport.com
Los Angeles 818-763-0188
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org