What are your excitements, empty nesters, and concerns about your children coming home for the holidays or winter break?
Being a parent and speaking with thousands of parents in and out of this country I think UNREALITISTIC EXPECTATIONS dampen the mood.
It isn’t easy not falling back into our roles as nurse, chef, therapist, banker, baby-sitter, and house keeper, etc. You get the picture. So keep what matters to you, in focus. Don’t change your plans in the hope they will be home for dinner or join all of you for the movies. Check in with them by keeping your communication short and flexible. They listen and you listen. Sounds simple but when we have wants it gets COMPLEX. We love parenting and we love time to self care.
How to hold both the excitement and concerns? Stay realistic that they have other people to see, different tolerance and sleep patterns than you do. FOR EXAMPLE, they rarely think things like: Oh that is too far to drive, IT is already dark and I don’t want to go back out again, I can’t stay up that late because I have to get up early for work…….
Just reminding yourself that they aren’t who they were before they left home and you aren’t either keeps the moments in a healthy perspective.
So what is exciting and what is concerning you as you make your shopping list, count the days for the big hug, sparkle the house and dust their room?
Let us know what you are thinking about!
Take care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188 Los Angeles
Just when you get yourself in the driver’s seat of your new role as a parent and new interests, children come back.
You can relate to this road that you wish you didn’t have to travel. I am here to remind you that you are the driver.
I remind you. You remind me. We don’t want to give up what took us pain, trial and error, and time to develop. We learned to shift our role as parents but children come home and want the old parent back….even though you warned them there would be “consequences” to growing up. Good consequences for all. Adults…..
But the point is, don’t give up your routine. Yes you want to be flexible and enjoy the short or long stay when they come to visit, but you don’t have to go back to being the manager, cook, cleaner, problem solver, bank, nurse and doctor. You get to choose how you want the time to be. They can cook dinner for all of you. They can keep the noise down since you get up the next morning for work. They aren’t guests who deserve a vacation at your expense.
And, there are no rules….paradoxes again. It is like potty training. What worked one day may be an accident the next!
Key is to remind yourself of your morals and values and what punches your buttons. Are you carrying unrealistic expectations and therefore setting yourself up for resentment? Resentment towards yourself that you didn’t see what you needed to see before you started screaming. Yes, mistakes will happen. Carry on….care for yourself. That is love.
Well, there you have the short story of the roller coaster ride. What’s your roller coaster ride these days? Comment here or send an email, natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Take care,
Natalie and read the PS which I could have shared early.
PS. My best times when my daughter returns are to let her know ahead of time what I would like, what’s up for me and for her to share the same information and feelings. Sure life changes and we swim with that shift or drown for a bit and eventually, pop up for real air. Communicating repels resentment. Chatting with myself first on what really will happen verses fantasy, keeps me sane. Saying, “I’m not thrilled with that idea,” rather than, “Oh sure I am fine with that,” makes for a good night’s sleep. You know what I mean because love can be seductive and the word, yes, falls out before no.
Hello,
I am single, love my career, but mostly love my children. They are on their way to being grownups. All are in college. It is great.
I knew the day would come and got previews of emptiness when they were rarely home, but it is not the same as them being gone for months.
I actually feel embarrassed that sadness visits me. It is not like I didn’t have a life outside my children. I am athletic and social, not isolated.
I make a good living not rich but not poor. Work life is fulfilling. Dating is good. Not being THE MOM or with THE MOMS from their high school, is a loss. I like that community. I get so happy when my kids call.
Something is for sure missing in my life. I do ok with not thinking about my kids or calling too much but some days, I feel immobile with the life I have.
I want to change not feeling like my life is enough or I am enough or that mothering meant more than all the other parts of my life.
Does anyone else have these thoughts? What helped to make the changes?
Thanks for letting me write to all of you.
Ellen
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I am excited to offer to you a free teleseminar that will show you how to find what is next for you , the adult.
Yes, your children might want to listen in as well, so you can pass this email to them, but this is really for YOU.
Holly, whose father started this company decades ago, will be guiding me through the process of honing in on and expanding my areas of interests by offering her expertise on how to explore what might be next for me. I will be her client so that you can experience how this process works.
When: Thursday, November 5, 2009
Where: Teleseminar on the telephone for free
Time: Pacific time is 10:00 am and Eastern time is 1:00 pm.
What to do next: Email natalie@emptynestsupport.com in order to receive the telephone number to call and the password code. If the time isn’t good for you, still email Natalie letting her know you are signing up for free for this INTERIM GAP YEAR teleseminar . You will be able to access the link of the session through the computer.
All you have to do is email Natalie in order to listen to how Holly guides Natalie by asking her specific questions of interests and offers her lists of possibilities based on Holly’s years of experience and what she hears Natalie talk about during the one hour teleseminar. Holly will also share what other clients have chosen to do next.
I am very excited Holly is willing to give her time and experience to all of us. She understands how one can be confused and hungry for meaning and fun.
For further information, email Natalie natalie@emptynestsupport.com or email to sign up by saying , Yes I want to join in on the teleseminar, November 5th.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
On the web www.emptynestsupport.com
Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
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Memories of brides, monsters, and butterfly wings visit empty nesters that aren’t going to school parades or walking the neighborhoods with their children carrying pumpkin bags and flashlights.
I love the surprise costumes when I open the front door and hear, “Trick or Treat.” The parents stand in the background, saying to tiny ones, “Go on, open your bag and say trick or treat.” Smiles come to me remembering being that parent.
I will make comfort sage, butternut squash soup and light the fire and paper cat lanterns. Last year, with no children at home, I took pictures of my neighbor’s children as I opened the door to, TRICK OR TREAT.
What will you be doing this Halloween?
I hope you get some treats for yourself.
Take care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
www.emptynestsupport.com
Featured in Time Magazine, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Better Homes and Gardens, and more.
– Call for a private consultation: 800 446 3310
– Join a support group
– Invite Natalie for a speaking engagement
I am on the happy countdown to attending the conference in Long Beach, California. Are you going to be there? Would you like to meet up and say hello? I would if you are there, so email me, natalie@emptynestsupport.com before you go and I can figure out a place for us to say hello.
I am so grateful I got tickets since it sold out in nine minutes online.
The tickets are so colorful: A Day of Transformation. Tips and Tools For How to Become an Architect of Change. We, who are on the way to emptying our nest or sitting in it, definitely know about change so we can relate.
I will attend, Making Your Job Matter or Exploring a New Career, Writing Your Book, Breakout conversations, Exhibits, Night at the Village, Awards Ceremony, Once-in-a Lifetime Conversation: Legend to Legend, and Women in Power: What Happens When Women Run Things?
What will you be attending?
I look forward to being enlightened, inspired, and surprised with what opens in me. After integration from what I learn and feel, I wonder what baby step I will take or who knows, maybe a leap into something new that I can’t imagine until I am there. But I do know I am excited and grateful to be gathering, learning, and meeting new people.
What are you excited about as we are on the countdown to being there?
I think the dress is casual and business casual so no Hanes t-shirts for me in public. What will you wear? I just don’t want my feet to hurt.
Email me what you want me to keep a look out for, if you can’t be there or what topic notes you want me to take for you after you look at their website: http://www.californiawomen.org/the-womens-conference/
Email me if you are attending so we can meet. You know what I look like because of my picture on my website but I don’t know what you look like. We will come up with a fun way to find each other. Bottom line….email me,
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
www.emptynestsupport.com
Los Angeles 818-763-0188
Did I already say, I AM SO EXCITED TO BE THERE?
Safe travels,
Natalie
“I never doubted that Natalie had my best interest and my family’s interest in her heart as she passed me Kleenex and taught me fantastic skills to prepare for my empty nest.”
Patricia Resnick, writer, author, award winner, NINE TO FIVE book, movie, and Broadway screenplay.
_________________________
“It a world where many people look at ageing as a negative it’s truly refreshing to read Natalie’s sage advice to empty nesters that life’s glass can be half full not half empty”.
Gill Walker
Managing Director
Evergreen Advertising & Marketing
Abbotsford ,VIC (Australia)
___________________________
“We were honored to have Natalie on the EZHelp, You and More Internet Radio Show. Her contagious enthusiasm and subject knowledge provided us a very empowering interview. I will always remember the “sticky fish” scenario.”
BIG BOB
Host
EZHelp, You and More Show
__________________________________
“College students aren’t the only ones to face transition when they back their bags and say “sayonara” to casa de mom and dad. The parents standing before the (finally) clean, but empty bedroom face transition too. Natalie Caine supports empty nesters through the joys and challenges that come with new parental roles, while empowering moms and dads across the nation to create their own “brave new world!”
Maria Pascucci
President & Founder
Campus Calm – where students speak out about grades, stress and personal well-being
_________________________________
“Natalie Caine has been the National Association of Baby Boomer Women’s faithful Empty Nest Expert since the inception of our association in 2005. She continues to touch the hearts and souls of women and their spouses with her insightful knowledge regarding this heart wrenching, yet liberating time facing baby boomers nationwide. We appreciate her candor, wit and thoughtfulness when addressing this targeted audience. She is the sole expert who has dedicated her work to this critical passage of time.”
Dotsie Bregel, Founder
National Association of Baby Boomer Women
__________________________
“Natalie truly understands the empty nest journey and continues to help me shift my mothering role and feed my dreams.”
Linda Bergman, Bergman Entertainment.
_____________________________
“Natalie facilitated our support group with compassion and inspiration in learning how to shift and take a step in a new direction. I wouldn’t have made it through the journey without her.” Anita Atencio, mother, graphic artist
Natalie Caine has been with Boomer-Living.com for three years. During that time, she has developed a large group of devoted readers who look forward to her monthly advice and tips to improve their lives. Natalie’s understanding of social change is remarkable. Each of her articles is enlightening, informative and interesting to read.”
Dr. Douglas H. Fitzgerald
President and Founder
Boomer-Living.com
__________________________
“I wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you to Natalie Caine and her Empty Nest Support Services.
When I decided to take advantage of Natalie’s articles in our boomer women section on Boomersforever.com web site I had know idea of the great response and interest I would receive from our numerous boomer readers. There is a need for valuable information in this area Natalie writes about.
I think Natalie’s article she wrote – Do You Know What You Want To Do? really reaches boomers who now face situations such as burn out, depression ,stress attacks and a general feeling of worthlessness. Not knowing what direction to go next, is a major problem for this growing generation. This article really helps create a positive attitude and give people ideas of what to do in there every day life. Great article Natalie!”
Howard Eva
Boomers Forever
info@boomersforever.com
We all need someone to help us on the empty nest new map of life. For sure some scenes will be constant and others are up ahead for exploring.
1. Check in with yourself throughout the day.
2. Ask how you are feeling, what’s up, what have you been thinking about today? Do you want to shift any of those thoughts?
3. What fun have you put on your calendar even if you don’t have someone to venture out with it. You might meet someone on the way or discover it isn’t so bad going solo.
4. When you feed your eyes with beauty and newness, that lifts your spirits and creativity, but you knew that..like I said, these are reminders that you probably already know.
5. What do you need for yourself right now?
I have been traveling for work. For sure, I have had times of feeling out of my comfort zone. Surprise is, I have been having a fantastic time traveling alone. I have made new friends along the way that I feel will now become lifelong friends. We have emailed this week and been happily surprised with meeting each other.
I give myself plenty of time at airports and never travel without paper and pen or snacks.
I love teaching and giving gifts. I gave everyone a toe ring to remind them to put their toe in the water, since there was plenty of water around the property, for anything new they might enjoy. I had photos of water and music to rest into.
What do you need to be reminded of? How could you begin a new practice or ritual for yourself?
Well, lots of questions. Pick a few or play with all of them.
Email me how you are doing and what next step you might need. Steps also include doing nothing, just another reminder.
Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Speaking engagements, workshops, private consultations, support groups and a very active free message forum on www.emptynestsupport.com
Los Angeles 818-763-0188
Hi,
I just came back from Family Weekend at my son’s college. It was like old and new times but I didn’t realize until I got back home, that I didn’t plan for the future.
Sure we plan finances, and house care, and vacations, and health resources, but nothing for empty nest.
Why didn’t we hear about this cycle of our life where so much is suddenly lost but not found as rapidly?
The books don’t really address the unspoken issues of other loses and aging and what now Alfie? They seem to list or tell stories, which are what I am doing now, but I just want to feel part of a group where it is little by little that I have the energy to start something new or not.
I think I am a little clouded by getting older and not liking those numbers on the cake. I am healthy and have friends and work. I just want something and can’t name it now.
I am still sad that those days of being mom are different and at the same time happy that he is happy and that I know I will find my new happy or new normal as they say.
I really want to have people to talk with who are in this change or have been in it but don’t push me to volunteer or get over it. I am not over whatever the IT is.
I do believe I will have a new day to day without being the mom and be happy in it. I have been through losses with my parents and sort of miss them today. That is another story but today. I just wanted to write and see if other people relate to my words.
I thank you for listening to my today story and thank you for offering a place to put it. I feel normal on your website.
Meredith
Sharing our stories connects and lifts me. First, I want to thank everyone for a fun and moving experience at Rancho La Puerta Resort and Spa where I taught LIFE IN TRANSITION, WHAT NOW? Beauty is top on my everyday list. Everywhere you look or hike around Rancho La Puerta, that magic of beauty heals.
Cooking with Rick Bayless has expanded my weekend recipes. He signed the menus I saved from his restaurant when my daughter and I visited Chicago colleges. I never imagined on that wonderful evening in his Fronteira restaurant with Rachael, that I would someday be cooking with him and getting those menus signed.
Here is an idea for you:
1. Write what you vow to never do again. Write what you do vow to do. Maybe you will never talk on a cell phone and drive at the same time.
Maybe you will plan something fun to do once a week by writing it down on your calendar.
I am sure you will think of something to write.2. Pick one possibility that you can make happen in the next two weeks that will inspire you. Write it down. Put your toe in the water for that one idea and each day read what you wrote out loud. Write the idea by your computer, in your bathroom, on the refrigerator, etc. At the end of the two weeks, write what came up for you in regards to wanting to do it, doing it, changing your mind, losing interest, and forgetting. What feelings popped up? Don’t even bother choosing this inspiration if you are going to use it as a way to be critical of yourself. You have done that before. Yes, your inner critic might come up, but in the beginning of this inspiration you are writing, vow you won’t be critical of the outcome or the journey of the two weeks.
“Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.” Rumi
Take good care,
Email me your stories and thoughts
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Call for a private consultation, speaking engagement, support group, workshop.
– Toll free, Los Angeles time, 800-446-3310
– Local number, 818-763-0188
– Join our free forum where we are building an ongoing support for this major life transition, www.emptynestsupport.com
Empty Nest Support Services , featured in Time Magazine, N.Y. Times, Lifetime Radio For Women, Better Homes and Gardens and more.
Here is my update. I just had an inspiring meeting with the director of the organization, JUNIOR ACHIEVEMENT. WOW… I am sending a big thank you, Adam, for showing me around and introducing me to your enthusiastic staff and much needed program for our youth and parents.
Second update is – I am on the countdown to presenting at Rancho La Puerta Resort and Spa. Very excited! You can wish me luck and hope that my camera works so I can share photos with all of you. I am not the techie woman. I will be cooking with top chef winner, Rick Bayless; recipe to follow when I return. I love to cook and eat so what a treat for me. I have been following his recipes for years and eaten in his Chicago restaurant. Dreams do come true because I will be chopping chilies with Rick. Keep your dreams active in your heart and mind. Don’t you think it is worth it to dream?
My presentation is LIFE IN TRANSITION, WHAT NOW? We empty nesters are living the climb up the mountain and down over and over, hopefully enjoying a view along the way.
So what has surprised you about the beginning of your empty nest experience and the months/years of being in the emptiness? Comment here or email me, natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Take care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org