Hi,
I just came back from Family Weekend at my son’s college. It was like old and new times but I didn’t realize until I got back home, that I didn’t plan for the future.
Sure we plan finances, and house care, and vacations, and health resources, but nothing for empty nest.
Why didn’t we hear about this cycle of our life where so much is suddenly lost but not found as rapidly?
The books don’t really address the unspoken issues of other loses and aging and what now Alfie? They seem to list or tell stories, which are what I am doing now, but I just want to feel part of a group where it is little by little that I have the energy to start something new or not.
I think I am a little clouded by getting older and not liking those numbers on the cake. I am healthy and have friends and work. I just want something and can’t name it now.
I am still sad that those days of being mom are different and at the same time happy that he is happy and that I know I will find my new happy or new normal as they say.
I really want to have people to talk with who are in this change or have been in it but don’t push me to volunteer or get over it. I am not over whatever the IT is.
I do believe I will have a new day to day without being the mom and be happy in it. I have been through losses with my parents and sort of miss them today. That is another story but today. I just wanted to write and see if other people relate to my words.
I thank you for listening to my today story and thank you for offering a place to put it. I feel normal on your website.
Meredith
Sharing our stories connects and lifts me. First, I want to thank everyone for a fun and moving experience at Rancho La Puerta Resort and Spa where I taught LIFE IN TRANSITION, WHAT NOW? Beauty is top on my everyday list. Everywhere you look or hike around Rancho La Puerta, that magic of beauty heals.
Cooking with Rick Bayless has expanded my weekend recipes. He signed the menus I saved from his restaurant when my daughter and I visited Chicago colleges. I never imagined on that wonderful evening in his Fronteira restaurant with Rachael, that I would someday be cooking with him and getting those menus signed.
Here is an idea for you:
1. Write what you vow to never do again. Write what you do vow to do. Maybe you will never talk on a cell phone and drive at the same time.
Maybe you will plan something fun to do once a week by writing it down on your calendar.
I am sure you will think of something to write.2. Pick one possibility that you can make happen in the next two weeks that will inspire you. Write it down. Put your toe in the water for that one idea and each day read what you wrote out loud. Write the idea by your computer, in your bathroom, on the refrigerator, etc. At the end of the two weeks, write what came up for you in regards to wanting to do it, doing it, changing your mind, losing interest, and forgetting. What feelings popped up? Don’t even bother choosing this inspiration if you are going to use it as a way to be critical of yourself. You have done that before. Yes, your inner critic might come up, but in the beginning of this inspiration you are writing, vow you won’t be critical of the outcome or the journey of the two weeks.
“Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.” Rumi
Take good care,
Email me your stories and thoughts
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
www.emptynestsupport.com
– Call for a private consultation, speaking engagement, support group, workshop.
– Toll free, Los Angeles time, 800-446-3310
– Local number, 818-763-0188
– Join our free forum where we are building an ongoing support for this major life transition, www.emptynestsupport.com
Empty Nest Support Services , featured in Time Magazine, N.Y. Times, Lifetime Radio For Women, Better Homes and Gardens and more.
Here is my update. I just had an inspiring meeting with the director of the organization, JUNIOR ACHIEVEMENT. WOW… I am sending a big thank you, Adam, for showing me around and introducing me to your enthusiastic staff and much needed program for our youth and parents.
Second update is – I am on the countdown to presenting at Rancho La Puerta Resort and Spa. Very excited! You can wish me luck and hope that my camera works so I can share photos with all of you. I am not the techie woman. I will be cooking with top chef winner, Rick Bayless; recipe to follow when I return. I love to cook and eat so what a treat for me. I have been following his recipes for years and eaten in his Chicago restaurant. Dreams do come true because I will be chopping chilies with Rick. Keep your dreams active in your heart and mind. Don’t you think it is worth it to dream?
My presentation is LIFE IN TRANSITION, WHAT NOW? We empty nesters are living the climb up the mountain and down over and over, hopefully enjoying a view along the way.
So what has surprised you about the beginning of your empty nest experience and the months/years of being in the emptiness? Comment here or email me, natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Take care,
Natalie
Well here is my update.
Next week I am headed to present LIFE IN TRANSITION, NOW WHAT? I will be at Rancho La Puerta Resort and SPA…yes, lucky me, along with Rick Bayless, top chef winner. I have never been there so you know what it is like when you are preparing for a trip…exciting, curious, long lists, travel check list, house clean up, warning my sweet Sophie cat that I am leaving but I always come back…remember telling our children that one???
I hope to share with all you what I experience…wish I could take you with me. I will try and get photos to share and of course I will have a story, at least one or two of what I experienced. So what is up for YOU next week? More and more I realize setting a goal big or little is fun and that it actually helps you get down that road. I made many calls before I got this goal of presenting there. Yes, I do love to persevere…that is the easy part for me.
So review what is easy for you and what is a bit of a drag and still go for it…I even cleaned out a disgusting cupboard last night just to release some energy. WOW that felt so great… an overdue goal. We don’t always meet our goals. We do always learn something on the way.
I want to remind you to review what is wonderful about you, daily, as well as the challenges you are feeling. I know goodbyes just happened and that is an ouch. We are all here to hold each other’s hand so that no one goes through this major transition alone. So again, what is up for you next week?
Can be any idea…reviewing your relationships…exploring a new part of town, meeting a friend for coffee, thinking about taking a class, sipping a new tea?
Take care, Natalie
POST WHAT IS UP FOR YOU NEXT WEEK right here or email me, natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Hi,
I am not new at empty nest. My son is a junior in college now. I’m his mother. I think I will just always say, “I’m his mother,” but it is starting to sound vacant since no one is listening. I don’t even listen to myself when I say that.
I haven’t found the I’m……..For awhile I volunteered and that was good but I don’t want to do that now. I do work because I have to.
I’m ok with not filling in my own blank yet of what I am. I get that it is my journey. What is difficult for me is this new role with my son.
I still want him to call more often and I know he won’t. That doesn’t take away wanting to hear what’s up, but I understand he has to do his own thing. This shift of role is what doesn’t come easily for me. I am trying to make that ok that it just isn’t easy. I don’t text him like I use to but I do check my phone to see if he sent any message and I check my emails. I am his mother. See I am still saying that and thought I wouldn’t. It is just that I am in a hurry to say more about me . I don’t expect to ever not say I am his mother. I just want to be more and I want to shift thinking mother first and be more of me and then mother.
Not easy to express but I am so glad to be with other empty nesters.
Thank you,
Meredith
Some of you might be crying and hopefully carrying the softest Kleenex you can get your hands on and others might be feeling a sigh of relief that the house is yours, again, and your children have returned to college or work. Then there is the combo feeling and at different times of the day and night when you least expect it.
So does that mean, you suddenly feel anxious, immobile, dancing on tables to move ahead with your liberation, nostalgic for what was and might not be quite the same, or a dab of wanting to simply sit and ponder your life?
I have had all of the above feelings over the years of shifting my mother role, and trying on different hats of interest and new meaning.
It is a journey and not glue that finally sticks. Children come back. Life changes whether we like it or not. So how do you show up? What do you know about yourself and what are you clueless about today? Write it down. You know how I feel about the power of writing for ah ha, release, and time with self. What do you value about you? Go ahead and acknowledge yourself. We just don’t spend enough time loving ourselves that way and we need that love song sung to ourselves and by ourselves… so SING OUT…I just love that I am so………… ta da …now that wasn’t so painful was it?
Post here or email me, natalie@emptynestsupport.com WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT and/or FEELING THESE DAYS? WHAT’S UP WITH WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT YOURSELF AND ARE CLUELESS ABOUT TODAY?
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
On the web www.emptynestsupport.com
Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Online classes
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Free active message board – connect with others
– Story of the Month
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Los Angeles, Ca
What was your response? Write it down so you don’t forget. Now, after writing whatever popped in, what does that bring up for you?
I have had parents across the country tell me they feel uncomfortable giving to themselves. I think it is like a muscle we forgot we could use. So, just step towards one thing you can feel that you like.
– Taking a short drive.
– Buying flowers
– New tea or coffee to have at home
– Music
– Seeds to plant
– Hitting golf balls
You get the idea.
Sure, money is tight; you are tired, non -motivated today….so ask someone to help you.
You would help them. Shut off the YES BUT, in your head or the HAMSTER LIKE BEHAVIOR who spins over and over. Do something great for you. Is that ordering in food, watching a movie on TV, or sitting in the park watching the dog trainers?
We forget we might enjoy something one day and not another. Give something a try. Leave if you aren’t in the mood and thought you were. Visit a bookstore, library, or Apple store.
“Self-care is never a selfish act—it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift on earth that I was offered to give to others. Anytime we can listen to true self, and give it the care it requires, we do so not only for ourselves, but for the many others lives we touch.” Parker Palmer
Give yourself a retreat at home. What nurtures you? Begin to practice being and not having to accomplish anything today or responding to what someone wants you to do, or thinks is best for you…YOU ARE BEST FOR YOU, by getting to know who you are today and what matters to you right in this moment.
Take very good care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188 Los Angeles, Ca.
Featured in Time Magazine, Lifetime Radio for Women, Washington Post, radio, and more
Change is inevitable. Get ready. Get support.
No one needs to go through a transition alone.
www.emptynestsupport.com
I just want to remind you, love wins every day.
I remember one freshman day, I had the “want me’s.” So I called my daughter, “I know I am being a pest today trying to reach you and you are busy. I am fine. I just want to hear your voice or get a text, so could you give it to me. I am having a tantrum here on the office floor because I miss you. Can’t you stop me with an email or instant message or call? I think you can. I think you can. Just do it. Then you will be done with me, for now.
She left a voice message, laughing because she knows my humor. I got up off the floor . I was fine. I needed that love and I asked for it. Who wouldn’t have the want me’s when you love and miss someone?
Do you know the book and song by Robert Munch, “I’ll love you forever; I’ll love you for always; as long as you’re living my baby you’ll be?”
I still sing it to my daughter, Rachael. She is in her 20’s. Actually, I don’t know if I have the songwriter/author correct but I do have the melody and words freshly in my mind. I have been singing it to her since pre-school.
Love your children no matter if they are heading up the road to adulthood. They need your love. They love knowing you have their back no matter what.
At this cycle of change, it doesn’t mean..ok see ya. I will step away and not connect unless you want me to. I will not be a helicopter parent. You have wings now, so fly.
It means the love is not lead in the same as your past role with your children. A new dance that includes stepping on each other’s toes is on the floor now. Not that we haven’t crushed each other before, but the surroundings and inner and outer dialogue has definitely changed.
You know this and this is part of why the tears fall. They fall whether you like it or not. Go ahead and cry. They won’t freak or they might, as I know my daughter doesn’t like when she sees me cry, but it doesn’t destroy her. My tears never made her want to care-take me or change her mind about the direction she needed to drive.
I just want to remind you, love wins every day.
Get some love. Give some love. Rest and then reach for your wish list.
Take very good care of yourselves,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Featured in Time Magazine, Radio, Better Homes and Gardens and more…take a look at the articles on her website: www.emptynestsupport.com
– Private consultations
– Support Groups
– Speaking engagements
– Workshops
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org