It has been an intense time. It is a time to review our core values. For me, when I remember that I am more than what I am in the midst of living, then I can be present with perseverance and hope.
– Review your talents.
– Check out how you are doing with your self-worth rather than allowing your inner critic to blind you.
– Get outside and look at the changing colors.
– Focus on what is working in your life.
– Speak up.
– Take baby steps for newness.
– Lower your expectations in order not to set yourself up for being hurt. Reality check helps.
– Differences allow for curiosity and compassion.
– Notice what limits you and stop the chatter. Stand tall.
I could go on and on with what I need to hear myself remember, but fortunately for you and for me, I need to get out the door.
LOVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE
Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
800-446-3310
I have been receiving sweet emails and calls from parents on the way to visiting their children at Parent
by Marilyn | submitted on October 3, 2008
I have mixed feelings about my children that don’t live at home. I am further out from that dark send off.
One is married, one is in grad school, and the other is working after graduating this January from college.
I just adore all of them. Memories are wonderful. Love being a mom.
I get sentimental and then can spin down. Mostly, I must tell you that it is great to have the peace and quiet. Our home was center people station.
Around the holidays, I want the ole traditions back because sometimes I don’t feel like inventing new ones.
I get excited to see my children and have time with them. Every time, the separation is a little anxious for me and a little sad.
I feel so connected with their stories and mine, the laughs, and pick up energy. Hugs good bye just aren’t happy moments.
Then, I get back into hearing me and not having to respond or adjust to a house full of children. You know they are really into themselves most of the time because of their ages.
Do you know what I mean? I actually like having my own mornings and evenings. I like my weekends of changing my mind or heading out the door and not checking the clock. I like being with me and of course other people’s company, but this emptying turned out to be a great time of my life.
I started taking classes, working out more, traveling, meeting new people, resting, reading, and the list goes on. Simple life, I know, but I like it.
Do any of you feel this way?
I know the sadness is huge when you hug your little one, who grew up so quickly, goodbye for now.
You wonder how they are doing. Will they call or email to say hello, which of course would instantly make you smile all day.
Separation is change. Change is lonely and unsettling to say the least.
Mothers and fathers have been calling with feelings and questions. Good news is they are saying what is real for them. They want to know if these feelings are
In my last blog, which you can still read here on the web, I talked about,
by Mary Beth | submitted on September 8, 2008
In a week, I hug my son goodbye at the dorm. I can barely write that. I just don’t want to think about it. Then I thought, well, deal with it.
I love being a parent. I love his school life and his friends, but I also have things I haven’t liked, like his losing things, leaving the kitchen a mess, not doing what he said he would do, talking back, not helping out.
So, if there are things we don’t like about our children at times, I just wish there were ways to not ache for them to still need us and to want to stick around.
Of course I get it that they are suppose to grow up and have their own life, but I hate the sorrow. I am proud of him and wish all his dreams to come true.
Now I have to find my dreams. I have to try something that will zing me besides the life I have known, which by the way, is a great life.
I just notice I am not as ambitious as I was in my younger days. I am in my late fifties and far from over the hill, but , and this is a big one for me….I just need help getting to the starting line and figuring out what I want to stand on that will make me have a big smile.
I have planned, thanks to this web, ways to prepare and things to do when I come back to the silence and emptiness at home.
I will find my new interests and loves but oh how I don’t want to think about that hug goodbye and long flight back home without him. Go son go. Go mom go…
Thanks for letting me write here,
Mary Beth
I have spoken with many mothers and even fathers this year, from across the country, all with similar words
Empty Nest Support
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Take good care
Packing them up, checking the list, finalizing details, as your children are almost in the dorm. You are shocked that this life you have had with your precious one has gone so fast.
Empty nest is not for long because they do come back, but for now, that is not what you are thinking and feeling.
It is so normal to feel tearful, even having the ugly cries. The role you love is instantly going to change when you come back home from that hug at the dorm.
You know the role you played as a parent and who they were as your child will be different. Change is lonely and scary at times.
For now, plan for you.
– Focus on what you need when the house is silent.
– Get some videos.
– Have coffee and talk time scheduled with a friend.
– Get nurtured and rest.
– Put a flowering plant in your bedroom.
– Start your journal.
– Pause before you text or instant message them. Do you need to call a friend for comfort and let your child be?
– Ask a friend to email you in the mornings and evenings just to have some connection and not isolation the first week.
– Write a list of what is fun for you and what you are good at when you have the energy to dream again.
At first, you might be feeling immobile and simply grieving. Normal for sure. Ask for help.
Take good care of yourself and be gentle in this major transition.
Natalie
by Sally | submitted on July 29, 2008
My son is leaving in August for his sophomore year in college. I thought it would be easier this time with the letting go, but I feel sad.
We have had wonderful talks and BBQ’s, as well as, having his friends back in the house. The silence is nearing. The not seeing him until Thanksgiving and not having the sounds of him around the house and just seeing his face are bringing mists of tears for me.
I hope I will feel the sadness for just a brief time. I work and have great friends. We play bridge and some of us are talking about starting something new, we just don’t know what the something is. We are energetic, but that doesn’t really help when the issue is, “what do I want to major in, in this next chapter of my life.” Are we kids again learning how to play and reach for something that matters?” Researching at the library and wanting a book to fall off the shelf and land in our hopeful laps for new purpose.
I just had no idea this empty nest would be ongoing. How is this for being innocent? Parenting wasn’t all of me, but added meaning. I do like my own time and less problem solving issues that spontaneously arise with children, but I just don’t like not hearing his voice and if he is happy or not. Plus, I am uncomfortable with the void. I want to fill it, but keep coming up with, “no I don’t want to do that.”
Are you having these feelings too? How are you dealing with all of it? I am so grateful we have each other on this site.
Thanks for being here,
Sally
by Nancy | July 8, 2008
Not only is my son leaving in September for college, but I just lost my job.
I am a good person. I thought bad things don’t happen to really good people.
So what are the rules for getting through so much loss at one time? I like rules because they challenge me and give me a straight direction.
New expenses and loneliness, not to mention the “anxiety” word because I don’t want to take medication.
I am a believer that when one door opens another can open, but frankly, I don’t have the strength to even reach for the door knob.
Proud of my son and all the details have actually been fun and focused for me. He is rarely home this summer or even all this year. So, I have had some practice with the change in our relationship.
Now I am on the job hunt, but more like on the crawl.
Good to talk with you,
Nancy
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org