by Allison | submitted on May 7, 2007
I use to be the preferred one for my children and I miss that feeling. But, what was I thinking…that they would stay attached to me forever…ah maybe…well not attached, just in love with me.
Yes, they do love me, it is just the definition of love keeps changing… I thought it meant chatting and spending time together. But then again, when I was in my twenties and thirties, I didn’t chat and spend that much time with my folks.
So here it is…”get over yourself, mother”…that is what I tell myself…I am so much more than a mother, but I needed them to kick me out of the house so to speak.
Here’s what I have been up to:
I drop miniature notes in the mail to my kids…31, 26, 22, that might be about my day or a cartoon I cut from the paper or a doodle smile face just saying happy hi. I send cards to my parents and cousins too.
I search the internet and thank goodness for empty nest support services so I know I am not crazy on lonely days. I also search hiking trails, events for the weekend, best vacation spots for April, classes at community colleges, summer jazz festivals, non profit organizations, lecture series, piano lessons, and recipes.
My husband has to travel for his clients so I have a lot of free time. I work three long days at a garden nursery .
My latest dream is volunteering in Peru where I can teach the kids English.
I guess these days, I am finally learning to be alone with me, like me more, and risk being uncomfortable in social situations by myself. I even go to workshops alone. I just hate that first feeling of finding a place to sit in the room. Ridiculous, I know at age 52, but I still want a friend in my classes and someone to eat lunch with on the yard…ha ha.
My good friend started a bakery of cupcakes but I don’t want to get fat so I don’t go in that room. I can’t take just one bite like her…I need the whole pantry.
So I dream to be outside…I plan to live at least twenty -five more years, but truth is I am not into planning and goals. I had to do that to raise my three kids…now I am into whatever I wake up thinking and fall asleep dreaming.
Empty nester filling herself with fun,Allison
Priorities needs and values wind through even a closed door when empty nesters deal with aging parents.
Mary shared her tears and little girl self while we had our phone consultation.
Her uncle died, her mother
by A Woman Out for a Fun Day | submitted on March 30, 2007
I have two kids. Some days I like them and some I want to say “see ya.” But I am a blunt woman who is softening from pain and appreciation.
I am sharing my joy with you. Simply said. I had no worries today and no fears. My clothes fit. Sun carried me outside. Bills were paid. Kids emailed. My health is crystal clean and my attitude is glistening.
I have no worries today. I get that it is a gift to wake up and make my day my way… I command more days to feel good and try something just for me.
Today I am happy. I am still an empty nester whose kids are thousands of miles away from home living their happy days. I did the best I could. I know I love them. They know they love me.
I need to move my days past parenting. Get more comfortable with alone time, with eating alone, driving myself to a movie, taking a trip with only the sounds of me, making plans even though I wish someone else would offer.
I am grown up. I was a late bloomer. I list my days with what embraces me I close my eyes knowing no one in my circle is hurting. I am a mom. I am a woman who finally can attempt to figure out what I want from day up to day down.
Thank goodness I am sensitive. As a child, that was a bad thing. As an adult I appreciate that I feel pain and happiness …mine and yours. Now I can share …so here I am telling you that life is happy, joyous after the kids pack it up and the phone doesn’t ring asking me to do something.
Yes, I welcome them any time. I will market, cook and do laundry but mostly I will smile just having them in the den and kitchen, chatting away. Empty nest…how come no one ever talked about this time of life?
A WOMAN OUT FOR A FUN DAY ….flea markets and coffee latte!
A month ago during an interview lead by a journalist questioning what is the story with empty nesters she said,
by Christine Whelan | submitted on March 7, 2007
I really love my children and I love having them around, but I also love the peace and quiet of my empty nest. I feel a little guilty about that but not often or very much. I think that is in part because I got married at age 19 and had my first child a few months later and by the time I reached twenty-seven I had five children. So I am enjoying getting to know my husband again, we often cook together and we cuddle more often on the couch to watch TV or a movie. We take short trips out of town for no reason at all and go to museums and shows more often. Oh sure, we could have been doing those things for the last several years and we did a little, but it just seems more spontaneous and carefree now. I am glad that I seem to have done my job, as I see it, and raised five independent and responsible adults. Of course, there are times when I wish I had a time machine so I could go back to fix some of my mistakes or just for the heck of it, so I could spend one more day with my children when they were young. If I had known how fast the time would go, I would have tried to slow it down somehow. Or pay more attention. But I guess my kids have turned out okay, and they know I am here for support and advice, (but only when asked) and they aren’t afraid to ask. What’s more they know that each other are there also. After all the years of quabbles, I rejoice that my kids often call, text or email each other to get advice or just to talk. So we are a close family, even though we are not geographically close and the nest is there whenever it’s needed
Carrie, an empty nester single mom, called me and said,
by Katie | submitted on February 13, 2007
Why did I wait until my kids were gone to confess? My blinders were glued to being a sparkling mom and I was. When I visited this web site, empty nest support services, I never posted. I read the articles, newsletters, blogs, and message board. I was like a peeping tom. I never posted anything.
One evening, I sobbed reading the article on the web, What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up. “I have always had to be a grown up but I don’t really know what it is to be the child. I want to be the child. I want to be taken care of. I want to be a child when I grow up.” That’s what I kept saying and sobbing about.
Long story short, I realized I need help. I have never gone for professional help nor have I belonged to a group of women who really support my journey. I have always had a career, but not much vulnerability.
I am ready to spend time alone which seems terrifying but I have no choice and at the same time I am ready to get comfort, support and be as little as I need to be in order to know me better.
I get it .When one door closes, another opens and I am ready. I just didn’t know this is what would arise when my house got so dark and so quiet. I still would have to have confessed at some time in life, don’t ya think? Maybe I will be thanking my kids for going off to college because that opened me to being cared for and vulnerable.
Strong woman, little girl, starting over again,
My mom lives alone at age 86. She
I was so nervous I went to the wrong location. I had to talk to myself so I wouldn
Empty nest brings gifts and curses. In the last weeks, I have received emails and phone calls from parents feeling sad. One mom said she felt like an empty restaurant with so much good food to serve and no customers.
In the beginning weeks when kids go back to their lives, parents feel a relief that the mess is over, the late nights have ended, but they also miss the vitality and activities shared with someone they deeply love.
When we hug our kids goodbye we might feel sluggish, sad, and sensitive to the emptiness and at the same time glad to have our own routine and inner voice back without the interruptions of kids and their friends.
The older I get the more I am living with the realization that says, yes this is true AND so is that
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org