by Katie | submitted on February 13, 2007
Why did I wait until my kids were gone to confess? My blinders were glued to being a sparkling mom and I was. When I visited this web site, empty nest support services, I never posted. I read the articles, newsletters, blogs, and message board. I was like a peeping tom. I never posted anything.
One evening, I sobbed reading the article on the web, What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up. “I have always had to be a grown up but I don’t really know what it is to be the child. I want to be the child. I want to be taken care of. I want to be a child when I grow up.” That’s what I kept saying and sobbing about.
Long story short, I realized I need help. I have never gone for professional help nor have I belonged to a group of women who really support my journey. I have always had a career, but not much vulnerability.
I am ready to spend time alone which seems terrifying but I have no choice and at the same time I am ready to get comfort, support and be as little as I need to be in order to know me better.
I get it .When one door closes, another opens and I am ready. I just didn’t know this is what would arise when my house got so dark and so quiet. I still would have to have confessed at some time in life, don’t ya think? Maybe I will be thanking my kids for going off to college because that opened me to being cared for and vulnerable.
Strong woman, little girl, starting over again,
My mom lives alone at age 86. She
I was so nervous I went to the wrong location. I had to talk to myself so I wouldn
Empty nest brings gifts and curses. In the last weeks, I have received emails and phone calls from parents feeling sad. One mom said she felt like an empty restaurant with so much good food to serve and no customers.
In the beginning weeks when kids go back to their lives, parents feel a relief that the mess is over, the late nights have ended, but they also miss the vitality and activities shared with someone they deeply love.
When we hug our kids goodbye we might feel sluggish, sad, and sensitive to the emptiness and at the same time glad to have our own routine and inner voice back without the interruptions of kids and their friends.
The older I get the more I am living with the realization that says, yes this is true AND so is that
by Amanda | December 30, 2006
Mom still sounds like Mom but it is empty without footsteps and big smiles running around the house.
I am learning how to parent from a distance and it isn’t easy. Sometimes I want to take back what flew out of my mouth on the phone. They don’t need me to say, put on a jacket, do you have money, is there gas in the tank, call if you are going to be late.
They need me to listen and offer short opinions and big confidences. I need to let them know my life is good and I am happy.
Am I a liar? No, I am accepting that the role I lived as their mother has drastically changed since they started their life away from home. One is a junior in college and the other is married.
I am divorced with a short story because of starting over. I’ve got my health, my career, my friends and the ongoing questions of what to do with my free time besides for travel, exercise, reading, book club and learning to cook for one.
I just ordered on this web, the What’s Next t-shirt, mug for a friend and new journal. 2007 is coming and I will be dreaming big just like it says on the mug.
Well, I just wanted to send in my short story of being on the road where now I know I am not alone in filling an empty nest. Thank goodness this web is active and I know how to use a computer.
Happy New Year, Empty Nesters
by Natalie | submitted on December 12, 2006
Yes, my mom said, “What is a Christmas tree doing in my grand daughter’s house? I didn’t raise you this way.”
My daughter is a senior in college, age 21 and she has a strong foundation to step from as far as choosing her beliefs. She loves lighting the candles in the menorah, but the latkes have too many calories. What can I say, she watches her figure. Isn’t that a silly phrase.watches her figure. There mom, that phrase comes from you. Actually mom you did teach me well to eat in moderation. Thank you.
Rachael takes a yummy small bite of a latke, spins the dreidel, and brings a tear to our eyes when she sings the blessing after lighting the candles. When she chants a Hebrew blessing, I remember her Bat Mitzvah and so does she.
A box decorated with blue paper, dreidels and stars holds gifts for each night. The songs could use an update, but we still sing, “Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel I Made it Out of Clay.
Stockings are hung, presents sparkling in Christmas wrap, a story read by me on Christmas Eve( always a kids book no matter how old we are because they are short, and well illustrated,) with the excitement of opening one gift, while munching our traditional chocolate, caramel covered apple and singing I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas with Diana Krall and Sarah Mclaughlin, just make a tradition live on with no regrets.
One is Jewish the other is not. I have always explained to Rachael that we celebrate all the holidays because they have history for each of us, they are fun, so why not, and bottom line, they bring us to the living room with excitement, beauty, and laughter. We dye Easter eggs, crack matzo at Passover, go to Temple on the High Holidays, and sing Christmas Carols at a community holiday event.
Key is to remember we, as parents are showing our traditions, telling our stories, and giving our children the message, “You get to choose what is true for you and what you want to pass to your family when the time comes.” Of course, I hope she stays connected to some rituals of Judaism, as I was raised, and that she has wonderful memories of singing, twinkling lights, and hearing a story mom chose to read in the living room on Christmas Eve. I don’t think they will remember the presents as time passes by.
May your holidays bring you closer with laughter, stories, and the people you love, as well as those who once sat with you opening a gift saying, “This is just what I wanted. Thanks.”
WE ARE MARSHALL, a movie, is every empty nesters worst fear. A tragic plane crash killed seventy
What do empty nesters like to do when the kids come home?
Take a family vacation
Eat meals together
Go to the movies
Do things outdoors
Have friends and family over
Shop
Take day road trips
Watch family videos
Other
Do you open a present Christmas Eve and eat a special meal? Do you open all presents first thing in the morning? What about seeing a movie Christmas day? Do you call friends and family to say,
What do you love about parenting and what do you wish for when you anticipate time together with your kids?
1. You did the best parenting you knew how to do at that time.
2. You raised your bar to learn how to be separate from your children and bonded.
3. You are looking forward to sharing stories, laughs, hugs, and peace at home.
4. You are shopping, cleaning, cooking, decorating, and organizing your favorite holiday music to share.
5, YOU ARE REMINDING YOURSELF TO LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS so you don
I will never like the hugs goodbye. I will always like the big smiles, the jumping up and down, hugs hello.
My daughter and three nephews pulled out of the night driveway. Good news is I did not have to take them to LAX because my brother had to fly home as well.
It was a family celebration from Wednesday until this morning, filled with my daughter
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org