On my own, I went to an outdoor jazz festival, Smokey Robinson, Dave Brubeck, Stanley Clarke, Susan Tedeschi,
Robin Eubanks, Etta James and more. Green blankets on the lawn, blue tents on the side paths, kids and adults
clapping, dancing, tossing Frisbees,
by Diane | submitted on June 24, 2006
Changes are normal. I know that in my 50’s, but come on. I want to stop those flood gates that force me to self initiate having fun. I am a single parent whose children left in the fall. I work, I have girlfriends. I hike.
The moaning voice is getting boring. She cries. I want someone else to take the lead and drive the car so I can sit back sometimes.
How many times do you hear, GO DO WHAT YOU LOVE and you will meet someone there. I believe it and I am coming home empty.
The point is, I wasn’t empty as a parent because we talked, we had projects, we fought, we dreamed. I know he wasn’t my best friend and still we are family. Comfort of real love and routines with our kids was natural.
Now I put myself in front of the mirror and see all I am in joy and sorrow. I don’t want to eat cereal alone or sip wine at night in front of a TV.
I thought I was grown up and I never knew I would feel so little and out of a loop as I do when the kids leave home. Do you feel this too? Why aren’t single parents invited or really talked to? Do they see us broken? Are we a threat to them?
WOW I am in the leap of setting up a place to live, making new friends and yes, taking classes. I am attending a writing
conference on a college campus with 500 women.
WOW again that is what I have to say
A conversation with Natalie.
I peaked in her room and she was curled up on her side sleeping. I just stood there, smiled, saw the little one still in her
21 year old soft face and said to myself she finally fell asleep. Those words reminded me of rocking her to sleep
when she was so tiny. Isn
by Patty Merritt | submitted on June 10, 2006
I have been a single mother for most of my life. I have a daughter that is 27 years old, 3 grand children and another daughter that is 18 years old in two weeks time; at the end of June. My 18 year old is Jenna Lyn. She is graduating high school next year and is currently holding down a part-time job. I have taught my children, right from wrong, moral values, no sex before marriage. Jenna is a very sweet and compassionate young woman with some strong opinions about politics and just life in general. I do remember being that very same girl once upon a time. There has been difficulties and challenges thru out the years but, all in all it really hasn’t been that bad.
Raising a teenager in today’s world has been not only a challenge but a duty I chose to take.
I Don’t make rules I can’t enforce. No, this is not “sending the wrong message”, it is living in the real world instead of some idealized fantasy land where I can actually control her. I can’t and I can’t Accept the up coming empty nest.
She asserts her independence. And as she grows, our relationship matures beyond the power struggle. I have tried to be objective and equally applied. My rules cannot vary depending on the place or the mood. I try not to take things personally because change is hard, and changing from toddlers into people is one of the hardest. I have to remember, she is not rejecting my values, only experimenting or as we use to say, “pushing my buttons” to learn which is best for her. She will soon have a new identity in a year or two.
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, where she will be out of the house, off to college and exploring the unknown as she will see it thru her eyes. Where she is saying to herself, Wow! “I made it.” Where I am saying, she’s not going to make it out there. My thoughts run deep about AIDS, babies having babies, the modern world is evil, and corrupts. Alien and UFO abductions, conspiracies, implants, cloning, the Divinci Code, theories and near death experiences to name a few.
I wanted to prepare her for an amazing adventure with different jobs, relationships and priceless moments. Where she must learn to choose friends, spend money from a checking account, pay bills, balance her life between college, dating and other activities, and develop her own set of values.
Now is the time for me to show that I trust, love, support, and truly believe in her. That’s when I say. Just do it… don’t explain yourself. Do what you think is right for you…
The uncertain future is looming ahead, and I have the desire to stay in the scenario that I have been accustomed to for the last eighteen years. I want her to be safe. I am so not ready for the empty nest. She never did like mornings.
My brother and I were laughing on the phone about his three boys, ages, 23, 21, 17, and my daughter, 21. I said,
How many times when our kids were younger did we say,
by Kay Gibson | May 29, 2006
I survived the empty nest syndrome.
It was difficult at first when all my fledglings had flown out into the vast blue sky to make nests of their own. It seemed the birds scrambled out of the nest far too soon after they’d hatched.
I hadn’t minded staying home and warming those eggs. After they scattered, I missed the loud warbling. I missed poking worms in those little mouths each day. I missed gathering seeds to feed my young.
But after awhile, I began enjoying my new found freedom. No one there to clutter the nest after I had tidied it. I enjoyed flying anywhere, anytime I pleased. I scaled new heights. What a feeling to soar high above the valleys by myself.
I was chirping a new song. Humming from flower to flower, I was gathering my own nectar.
Migration was becoming a daily summit for me. I would hover awhile and then dart to new horizons.
Then one day, one of my migrating fledglings returned with a tiny new nestling of her own. They wanted to move back in for six weeks.
Can you imagine how a robin would react if little robinette flew back home and said, “Ma, I’m moving back in”?”
I suspect mother robin would say, “Sorry, but I threw out your feather bed.”
But, I’m like the yellow warbler, put another egg in my nest and I’ll raise it as my own. I loved spreading my wings to protect the new baby bird. Papa Bird warned, “You’re getting too attached to someone else’s young.”
It was true, too. I began ruling the roost, as I’d always done. I became too possessive of another’s young. Feathers ruffle when there’s too many mama birds nesting in the nursery.
Was the nest too small for all of us?
No, not really. A nest if made of twigs and scraps woven together with life. No matter if this nest is on the ground among the grasses and weeds or perched on a craggy clifff; it is sewn together with family ties. Nests are plastered together with love.
I opened my emails this morning at 6:00 am hoping to say goodbye to my study abroad daughter who is leaving for
Greece.
I start my work day then and sometimes I catch my daughter on Instant Message (computer).
I have adjusted to the time difference
I heard that Oprah said that on her show today about her dogs, therefore, her kids.
My girlfriend has
two dogs and a son. She is the one who called me about the Oprah show. We laughed about the comparison of
parenting dogs and kids. We want to be calm and the leader of the pack. We want to set a loving, peaceful, confident
energy at home and at the same time we want to put them on a leash and drag them around if they won
Anticipating the empty nest or sitting in it is a time for re-envisioning and reinventing your life.
During the
process here are some ideas:
1. Keep your home beautiful – Get rid of clutter. Add something you love
to look at.
2. Exercise – To stay motivated have a variety of things to do.
3. Stay aware
of your worst time of day – If your worst time is when it gets dark, plan to make a dream collage with old magazines,
check in with a friend on the phone or email.
4. Be flexible – Take a little risk. Remind yourself you get
to change your mind.
5. Get support – Don
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org