Sitting outside in the comfy star held night with three women from the east coast conference, the topic was confusion about how to connect with new people since there is so much summertime playful energy.
One woman said it so well.
In my group, at the conference, men and women who are empty nesters and planning for the empty nest have heard: HOW DARE YOU CALL IT GRIEVING___LOSS? No one died. You are so dramatic. You are overly sensitive. You don
Have you laughed at yourself in reflection of some of the things you did on the way to emptying the nest and while in it?
Last night, one woman said that it was not so funny, but after carrying the shipped boxes, shopping for more dorm supplies, meeting parents, college kids and navigating a new city as well as THE dreaded good bye, she knew she was sad, but handling the feelings that emerged, until BANG, She backed into a grey pole trying to leave the dorm for the airport. She said she felt so stupid.
Another parent talked about the bib she pound for pound layered by eating all night in bed. She had stains on her night shirt of peanut butter with chocolate, potato chips with ranch dressing and salted, buttered popcorn
In her blue suit, a woman said she was at the podium to speak in her corporate world . Her cell phone went off. She looked and it was her son. She took the call right there, completely forgetting where she was.
A dad told me he emailed his son every morning and not little hellos but long emails of questions starting with, ARE YOU…. until his son called him , left a LOUD message and said “dad ,maybe you need to see a psychiatrist for meds. ”
Do you have a funny thing you did on the way to goodbyes or after sitting in the silent house?
Branching out to you,
Natalie
I don
On my own, I went to an outdoor jazz festival, Smokey Robinson, Dave Brubeck, Stanley Clarke, Susan Tedeschi,
Robin Eubanks, Etta James and more. Green blankets on the lawn, blue tents on the side paths, kids and adults
clapping, dancing, tossing Frisbees,
by Diane | submitted on June 24, 2006
Changes are normal. I know that in my 50’s, but come on. I want to stop those flood gates that force me to self initiate having fun. I am a single parent whose children left in the fall. I work, I have girlfriends. I hike.
The moaning voice is getting boring. She cries. I want someone else to take the lead and drive the car so I can sit back sometimes.
How many times do you hear, GO DO WHAT YOU LOVE and you will meet someone there. I believe it and I am coming home empty.
The point is, I wasn’t empty as a parent because we talked, we had projects, we fought, we dreamed. I know he wasn’t my best friend and still we are family. Comfort of real love and routines with our kids was natural.
Now I put myself in front of the mirror and see all I am in joy and sorrow. I don’t want to eat cereal alone or sip wine at night in front of a TV.
I thought I was grown up and I never knew I would feel so little and out of a loop as I do when the kids leave home. Do you feel this too? Why aren’t single parents invited or really talked to? Do they see us broken? Are we a threat to them?
WOW I am in the leap of setting up a place to live, making new friends and yes, taking classes. I am attending a writing
conference on a college campus with 500 women.
WOW again that is what I have to say
A conversation with Natalie.
I peaked in her room and she was curled up on her side sleeping. I just stood there, smiled, saw the little one still in her
21 year old soft face and said to myself she finally fell asleep. Those words reminded me of rocking her to sleep
when she was so tiny. Isn
by Patty Merritt | submitted on June 10, 2006
I have been a single mother for most of my life. I have a daughter that is 27 years old, 3 grand children and another daughter that is 18 years old in two weeks time; at the end of June. My 18 year old is Jenna Lyn. She is graduating high school next year and is currently holding down a part-time job. I have taught my children, right from wrong, moral values, no sex before marriage. Jenna is a very sweet and compassionate young woman with some strong opinions about politics and just life in general. I do remember being that very same girl once upon a time. There has been difficulties and challenges thru out the years but, all in all it really hasn’t been that bad.
Raising a teenager in today’s world has been not only a challenge but a duty I chose to take.
I Don’t make rules I can’t enforce. No, this is not “sending the wrong message”, it is living in the real world instead of some idealized fantasy land where I can actually control her. I can’t and I can’t Accept the up coming empty nest.
She asserts her independence. And as she grows, our relationship matures beyond the power struggle. I have tried to be objective and equally applied. My rules cannot vary depending on the place or the mood. I try not to take things personally because change is hard, and changing from toddlers into people is one of the hardest. I have to remember, she is not rejecting my values, only experimenting or as we use to say, “pushing my buttons” to learn which is best for her. She will soon have a new identity in a year or two.
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, where she will be out of the house, off to college and exploring the unknown as she will see it thru her eyes. Where she is saying to herself, Wow! “I made it.” Where I am saying, she’s not going to make it out there. My thoughts run deep about AIDS, babies having babies, the modern world is evil, and corrupts. Alien and UFO abductions, conspiracies, implants, cloning, the Divinci Code, theories and near death experiences to name a few.
I wanted to prepare her for an amazing adventure with different jobs, relationships and priceless moments. Where she must learn to choose friends, spend money from a checking account, pay bills, balance her life between college, dating and other activities, and develop her own set of values.
Now is the time for me to show that I trust, love, support, and truly believe in her. That’s when I say. Just do it… don’t explain yourself. Do what you think is right for you…
The uncertain future is looming ahead, and I have the desire to stay in the scenario that I have been accustomed to for the last eighteen years. I want her to be safe. I am so not ready for the empty nest. She never did like mornings.
My brother and I were laughing on the phone about his three boys, ages, 23, 21, 17, and my daughter, 21. I said,
How many times when our kids were younger did we say,
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org