A dad shared with me, on the telephone, about his daughter leaving for college, “I don’t know if I have prepared her for catastrophes? Does she know how to take cover, to run fast, to scream?”
He was feeling anxious about this major change around the corner. He felt the clock of connection ticking down and he wanted to assess what a father wants for his children.
As he shared more and I offered suggestions, I asked, “What do you adore about your daughter?” ”She is funny and perseveres no matter the hurdle.” “What do you think she adores about you?” He said, “I don’t really know.” Do you think she loves you?” “Oh for sure.”
Love is an action and sometimes a knowing. He decided, after our telephone sharing, to ask her about his concerns and get her intake. He wanted to tell her he would be fine and there for her even if she feared getting in trouble. He also said,” I just want her to know I have made mistakes and they make me over react. I want her to know I will miss her. I am happy for her. She will love college.”
I suggested he write her a love note and stick it in her suitcase for a surprise when she unpacks at the dorm. This is what I love about you… this is what I wish for you … this is what I believe about you….( I wrote that letter to my daughter and added doodles and polka dots on the papers when she headed to college. )
Love motivates us to teach , to be available, to handle the unknown, to say sorry, to try again, to be more than we think we can be in the moment, and so much more.
I remember when my dad died, I was devastated. Then I remembered, I am a mom and I need to go comfort my daughter who heard me sobbing. She had a pillow over her ears. I sat on her bed and said,” Yes, grandpa died (she was 11). I am so sad and I will be OK. You don’t have to do anything for me but let me be whatever I am going to be.” I also told her, “You know what; grandpa really knew you loved him. He knew it. He deeply loved you, too, and so often talked about you. You made him happy. ”
Father’s Day, an opportunity to celebrate the anchor they are and the love, whether shown or known, they generously extend to us. Visit the happy memories and make new ones.
Happy Father’s Day,
Natalie
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
Join conversation