with Natalie caine

June 27, 2014 | by Natalie Caine | 2 Comments

As one of the Wall Street Journal Experts, Natalie’s blog was originally published at blogs.wsj.com.

What advice would you give to couples who are downsizing?

NATALIE CAINE: We downsized after I spent six days at my friend’s 500-square-foot apartment in Manhattan. I didn’t go to my friend’s to practice living smaller; it just popped in as a wonderful new choice. We had many discussions about moving, and the living small just turned talks into action.

I returned to Los Angeles feeling invigorated to move forward. Our home of 15 years sold in 14 days. We put our furniture in storage and lived in a furnished Airbnb home in the area we thought would make us happy. Turned out to be true.

We bought a home (that process is another story) and are happy living smaller in a community that allows us to hike, walk the beach, and be in the city for a longer list of accessible fun. Change is a good thing. Change is not perfect.

Tips for you:

1. Check in with yourself about what really matters at this stage of your life—wellness, creativity, living closer to family, spirituality, intellectual stimulation, fun, new community living, reduced financial pressures, etc.
2. Are you wanting to reduce money fears more than you are afraid you won’t make new friends?
3. Are you ready for a change that will give you a healthier lifestyle more than the work it takes to grieve, sort, donate, save, and clean before the goodbye party?
4. Are you feeling stuck with the life you have and ready to take a trust leap a bit into the unknown? Trust meaning you can handle the results without hurting yourself or others, well define hurting others (sorry children, you won’t get the house you grew up in).
5. Are you good at running the financial numbers? Consult with experts in finance and real-estate markets.
6. Be open. I know that sounds obvious, but on weekends when I would head into the city and look at areas, which was time consuming for sure , as well as, discouraging at times, I didn’t think I would end up where we are. We ended up buying in an area that I didn’t think was possible. Two Sundays out of the month, over the years of living in the house, I use to drive to this area to their farmer’s market, even though we had a fantastic one. I did the drive because it felt like a vacation, every 8:30 a.m. on Sunday. No traffic, in nature, small community, walking city, clean air, and friendly people of all ages, as well as, the mountains and the beach. Also, be open to your experts. I didn’t think I needed to stage our home since I love decorating but the broker was correct. We staged and it was profitable.
7. We thought we didn’t want stairs. We have steps and it is not a deal breaker.
8. Go through your list of what you think you can’t live without and what you are willing to let go of in order to meet the top priorities of why you are downsizing. It helps to look at properties rather than sit at home and chat about the change. Your priorities get clearer when you spend the night in a hotel in that area and know what the night and day gives you, which is more of a reality check than going in and out of open houses. Chat with yourself about , “Am I in fantasy or reality about this choice?”
9. No one wants to move, again. We told ourselves this does not have to be the last home we buy. Change will happen. We can hold both realities that we hope we don’t have to move, again, and we can handle it if change arrives, like needing more space for grandchildren, although that too can be creatively lived. After all, children know they are going to change and be different. Why do adults think they are done changing and being different than who they are today? You will be different as time moves forward and therefore your choices might be different.

In the end, choose what matters to you at this stage of life by knowing more about who you are and who you are not. If you hope to never move again, then walk that direction. Talk with yourself and your partner about what roles you will play in making this downsize happen. Pull up those new resources you need to enjoy the life you are heading towards. You will be grumpy. You will doubt your choice. You know yourself better than anyone, so listen to you and take pauses for this big decision.