“My sister is on her way to drop off her first college kid.” That is the call I got last week. I have never had a sister call about letting go and now what, as kids leave home for college, or marriage, or work.
She shared how this boy, this little fire cracker boy, who slept in her back car as they caravanned on vacations, every summer to the lake, was more like her kid than any kid she ever knew.
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She took a photo of her back seat, lined with toys, boxes of cheese crackers, raisins, orange slices in baggies, juice boxes, water bottles, and sports equipment, and mailed it to his new mail box at college “When you come back home, I am always here to have a good time and if need be, a good cry together. Enjoy your well-earned college days and know you are loved no matter what,” she wrote.
She and I came up with that idea as a way for her to begin to let go. This boy, this nephew, was her motivation to stay hopeful, while critically ill, divorced, jobless, and while well and happy about life.
She didn’t caravan to college drop off day. That was for her sister. She didn’t even ask to go. What she decided to do was cook seven meals and put them in her sister’s freezer, each taped with colorful paper and words of what she loved about her sister and each ending with THANK YOU for sharing him with me for eighteen years. He helped me grow up. Now I will help you, sister, find what’s next with your new free time. I will always find time to listen to you and pass you soft Kleenex as you miss your boy. He will be home for Thanksgiving.
She left yellow sun flowers on her sister’s kitchen table and a bowl of blue berries, along with an empty journal saying, NOW YOU BEGIN YOUR NEW ROAD BEYOND PARENTING. ENJOY YOUR WELL EARNED MILESTONE THAT INCLUDES MISSING AND EXPLORING.
May all of you who are missing someone right now, be grateful you could love that much and be open to both the tears and the joys,
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles
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Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
I remember finding this place (my soft place to fall!) about seven years ago, when my daughter moved out to go to school four hours away. I’d heard about this “empty nest syndrome” and kind of dismissed it as silly, until… my baby left the nest! I remember crying all the way home. Or at least the first hour of the drive back.
I made her text me everyday for over two years! I was one of the blessed ones cuzzzz she did! Poor baby! Though I still think that with social media and cell phones, Texting is not a lot to ask when you are paying the phone bill! Just saying…. but I am happy to say that we survived it. My daughter is graduated and engaged at 26 and she laughingly shares with me that I am one of the milder cases. She has had friends where the mom calls her four or five times a day!
NOW she appreciates that she has someoone who cares “just enough” Smile…
I just wanted to come on here and thank Natalie for being my soft place to fall. For providing this shelter for those just now going through the letting go stage. September is a rough month for many… as you are still finding fluffy little baby feathers at the bottom of your nests (mine were in the form of bobby pins) and you just burst out crying, you miss them sooo much! But I am here to tell you that it DOES get better. And you move on to a richer and even better friendship with your kids who hopefully look forward to always coming home because we’ve made it a soft place to fall for them!