She wanted to get a new perspective about being solo now that her divorce was final, but perspective was clouded by deep sorrow. “Just say I am sorry, just say it wasn’t your fault, just say I love how you raised our kids, just say your smile lifted me on those over worked days, just say I honestly loved you, just say you taught me to brush it off.” When you know what you want to hear to heal and you can’t get it, now what?
She asked him to say anything personal about her and him that was positive. He couldn’t. She wept. She wanted this pain to be over. She wondered how many times do I need to talk about this, cry about it, and sit in the dark?
When someone isn’t able to give you what you want, grieve it deeply. Surround yourself in beauty. What is beautiful to you? Walk in nature. Find a new place that becomes sacred to you. Be with a friend who listens and comforts you. Teach them what you need and thank them every time. Get your music playing. Write your feelings on the computer or in a journal. In big print, write what you APPRECIATE about yourself.
Loss hurts. How could it not? Change is entering the unknown, so of course you wobble and weep. Change also brings a time of reflection of who you are, who you are not, and who you might develop internally and externally. Learning is a lifetime journey.
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You will find your rhythm over and over. You will learn what matters to you and what doesn’t. Mostly, I hope you learn to be gentle with yourself and trust this pain won’t last forever. Love will arrive.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles
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Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
I read this and was reminded of the pain of my divorce. 2 young boys were involved. The pain ran deep. What you said in this article is so true. I hope others going through divorce will take your advice. Grieve deeply, surround yourself with beautiful things. I did all that with the help of a divorce support group. I also read books. I was like a sponge. I wanted to get past the hurt. My boys needs also helped me to get out of my own head and move on. You need to feel it to heal it. Time does heal. It was a long road but I feel better today than what I would have in a toxic marriage. My faith also helped me when the chips were down. Trust there is a plan and there are lessons to learn. Thanks, Natalie
Very much relate to this uncertain stage in life. Would like to find women’s support group in the San Diego area.
I also very much relate to this and would love to either find an online support group or one to go to in NYC