She had been so happy having a week together, for one of her family’s joyous celebrations. When it ended, the void dropped her to unexpected tears. She felt left, unseen, standing alone in an airport line of strangers, with nothing to look forward to when she would return home, opening her front door, to the same same.
A big change happened. As she flew back home, trapped, as she put it, with only herself on a dry, cramped airplane.
She pulled out from her black purse, a yellow notepad. She wrote fast, not sentences, phrases about fears, angers and disappointments. She wrote less about her needs, until she got to the last three pages of paper. What her writing unfolded was that she had been waiting too long for some great idea to come to her. Decision-making gets stuck, by her wanting to “BE RIGHT” and to “BE THE BEST.”
Yes, she has been told more than once to choose something passionate to her and take a step forward. BEGIN. Her head and feet were in the dance. Her rhythm was forgotten because she forgot to ask her heart to take her hand.
“DEAR HEART, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO BEGIN? I AM LISTENING TO YOU.” She closed her eyes, bowed her head to curl inward, and heard, “write chapters, the ending chapter, then write the first chapter, I will be with you.” She wept and wept. She knew it was about spending time with herself, through writing, to discover what mattered to her now. What would lift her to connect? What would she say YES to and what would she say NO THANK YOU to?
Now home, she begins. She takes her morning walk out that front door, no music in her ear; she walks, and asks, “Remind me to practice SELF TRUST. Remind me to CATCH myself when my DOUBTER and CRITIC trap me from my passions. I am listening. Thank you.”
BEGIN ….YOU GET TO CHANGE YOUR MIND…BEGIN.
Take care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles
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Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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