with Natalie caine


I Am Frustrated

March 24, 2016 | by Natalie Caine | One Comment

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Oh the joy of feeling invigorated with hope and the challenge of not getting what you wanted: Relationships seducing you, and then not being what you thought they were, work not bringing out the best in you, body doing its dance when you would rather it just sing, meditation restlessness, children texting not calling.  I imagine you can relate and add to the list of what hasn’t happened that you really want.

Here are a few thoughts from our Skype group that they said I could pass on to you:

  •  Share with someone how discouraged and sad you feel because you have been waiting so long for things to work out and you are losing faith. Give yourself permission to say what is and trust your sharing will be well received.
  •  Check in with yourself, close your eyes and ask, “what do I need right now that would comfort me?” Listen or sense a response. Some people need to get outside, do something creative inside, rest, write. You check in with you in order to learn what you need now.
  •  Have a conversation with the other part of you, for example, if your critic is throbbing in your head about how horrible you are, bring in the compassionate side of you who knows you are doing what you can for now and are open to learning. Engage with the wise one within and ask for a message, “what do you see in this situation that I am not seeing, show me, whisper to me, guide me. Help me accept that this is how it is for now and I am ok.  I am not being punished or forgotten.”
  •  When things aren’t going as you hoped, do you shut down, speed up and grab for something new, blame yourself, get angry at someone, spend money, over eat? Get to know more about who you are.
  •  How can you treat yourself well when patience isn’t rising, when curiosity is dulled, when gratitude is forgotten?
  • When has self- punishment ever been healing and yet you know that part will emerge in the mirror.  Maybe if you expect it, you can give it less of your time, saying, NO THANKS. NOT USEFUL. SEE YA.

Winter_Trees_in_View_P0002For me, I appreciate that I have cultivated a meadow of helpers that includes the unseen. The other night I was longing for someone who couldn’t be available to me.  I cried. From somewhere the thought arrived, “go outside and look at the moon.”  I did. It was full, bright and shining at the top of the trees, lighting the roads.

Oh wow! That unexpected beauty fed me amazement and a reminder of the bigger picture.  I did feel better. I could let go of what wasn’t available and put my heart in line with the unknown.

When disappointment shuts me down, I choose kindness and sometimes buying a new red lipstick.   What do you choose? What are you cultivating that builds your inner world so that no matter what is happening in the outer, you come back home to YOU?

Take care,

Natalie

Life in Transition

(310) 454-0040 Los Angeles

natalie@lifeintransition.org

One Response

  1. Maria says:

    I too am very frustrated. I am angry with myself for feeling so overwhelmingly depressed. My 3 children all moved 6 to 13 hours away after college and all in different directions. They’ve made great lives for themselves and I am thrilled for them. They keep contact often but after 4 years (since the last left) I still cry. Why did none of them feel they needed to be near me and my husband? Probably because we raised them to be strong, independent and to follow their dreams but I never dreamed I’d spend my later years with none of my children or grandchildren around me.
    They all want us to move near to them but that would take us up to 15 hours from the others. It’s almost a game with them as to who will “get us”. At least by staying “home” we are a drivable distance from all of them. I’m so hurt and angry, though I would never let them know that! My days are full, I have friends and hobbies and a great marriage and I’m still young at 56. I should have adjusted to this by now but I can’t lose the feeling of rejection and depression. My husband even got me a puppy so I would have something to Mother! He tries to be understanding but he’s just so happy that they are succeeding in their lives that he doesn’t share my sadness.
    My few close friends and siblings that I would talk to are all struggling with serious problems (drugs, alcohol, unemployment, single parenting) with their own kids so crying that my kids are so happy and successful but far away seems very selfish. They wish they had my problem!
    Logically, I’m proud and happy for them and that’s the side of me they see because I don’t want to saddle them with any guilt. But inside I’m gutted that they all left.
    Now I just found out that we will be celebrating the second long distance wedding and once again what planning I am able to be involved in will be minimal because of our distance and most of our family and friends will not be able to afford to go. We are emailing and talking at least daily but it’s just not the same as being there to help pick dresses or venues or flowers. Financially we only manage to see them each once or twice per year. Thank God for FaceTime and texting! But putting on the happy face is getting more and more difficult. How can I deal with my depression without burdening them? I’ve tried counseling but felt ridiculous when the therapist mentioned her only child moved across the country. At least I can drive to mine!
    Thank you for offering a place for me to voice my sadness.

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Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org | 10061 Riverside Dr., Suite 1002 Toluca Lake, CA 91602 | 800-446-3310