Whether empty nest, divorce, new career, re-locating, illness, loss, grand parenting, friendship, etc., there were common questions asked in my groups, one on one and by my friends. I wonder if you can relate?
1. I have done all I can do to make this work and it isn’t. I feel frustrated, sad, and defeated. I thought if we had open, listening, asking, responding, discussions that we could work this out. Why doesn’t talking about it and negotiating our differences lead to a happy solution? Why? Could it be you are asking for something where the skills aren’t there in that person and the person is telling you that they don’t want to work at making those new skills happen?
2. I am always the one who reaches out to get together. We have fun. Then I don’t hear from that person. What the heck is that about? Maybe another question is, “what would happen if you asked that person why you haven’t heard from them?” Vulnerable I know.
3. I can’t believe how sad I am about my son leaving for college. Really, this is a reason to be sad? We have been preparing for this for years. What’s up with me? When you love someone and they aren’t going to be around as often, of course you are sad. Who wouldn’t be?
You may be dropping into the deeper grieving that the role you loved as parent is changing and you don’t know what the new role will be? They lead more now and you might be feeling a little more in the background of their new journey. What are you feeling and thinking about at this stage of your life? What are you longing for and what had to go dormant that now wants to surface?
4. I am anxious, depressed. It is not only the chaos and changes in our country, it is in my life. I don’t enjoy my relationship anymore and my job is boring. Too many changes at one time? One of the changes you are feeling is that you don’t have answers today. You are sitting in the unknown and that is uncomfortable for sure.
Our mind always wants answers. The unknown offers new perceptions, asking for help, patience, and trial and error. Daily practices, like being in nature, prayer, candles, music, asking for guidance from something or someone larger than you, recording your night dreams, are a few ways to receive when answers aren’t available, yet. Up your curiosity and compassion by saying something like.” I am not going to be forgotten and within me is a safe harbor, let me go there, sit, take deep breaths, put my shoulders down, and BE. You are loved.
This year and it is not over, I attended to DOING WHAT I DIDN’T KNOW I MIGHT BE GOOD AT. I know the parts of me that shine, rise up, fall in: leadership, listening, pausing, spiritual practices, communicating, problem solving together, cooking, photography, care-taking, writing, changing, weeping, silliness, and being still.
What I didn’t know was that I could accept what is for a longer stretch of time, rather than spinning in my active mind because life wasn’t as I wanted it to be that day. I am better at keeping false verses realistic expectations in check. I could enjoy the moment fuller and not have it lead to something else which discounts my joy.
I traveled more back-to-back schedules out of town and felt fantastic. I think drinking more water, carrying more protein in my purse, going for quick walks, and increasing my meditation, as well as, saying out loud to the energies that I know want to help, “walk with me, keep me aware and grounded.” As some of you know, I have an inner library of things I can try to ease pain, fear, and doubts.
You also know from our sharing stories together what spins me, what comforts me, what brings me to my knees, and how I LOVE CHANGE.
Take good care and share some of the questions you have these days. You are welcome to email me, firstname.lastname@example.org
PS. As you noticed, I didn’t go paddle boarding. I didn’t write a book with brilliant lifesaver thoughts and helpers. I didn’t learn to code, yet.
Natalie Caine, M.A. email@example.com | 10061 Riverside Dr., Suite 1002 Toluca Lake, CA 91602 | 800-446-3310