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What I Wasn’t Doing and Changed

July 1, 2020 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

During Covid-19, screen connections are joining us with new activities, work, friends, learning, and family.  In our group, each of us discovered what we weren’t doing well. LISTENING.

We noticed we were taking for granted that we were actually good listeners.  Then the conversation deepened. We come to the screen time with pre-conceived ideas of what will happen. This one talks LONGER than others on the call, that one says the same thing OVER and over, the other one always has to INTERRUPT, this is BORING now, and on and on. So we came up with a plan for our next meeting, or family or friends Zoom calls.

  1. Let’s check in before the call with how our BODY is feeling. Tight neck? Then notice while on the call, how is my neck now?
  2. Let’s have beginner’s mind, where we pretend we don’t know anyone on this call. How might that affect listening?
  3. Let’s be brave and if we need to say, “can we PAUSE for a minute and take some breaths and also notice in the pause, what might come to us as a new thought or QUESTION?”
  4. Let’s listen to what ISN’T being said.  An example, Beth is telling a story about what she did in a SITUATION and is not saying how it made her feel, any vulnerability? Beth doesn’t need to PLEASE us and give us feelings and vulnerability. What is possible, though, is to notice in the moment if Beth might want some support to express her vulnerability.  Pause the chatter in your fast brain as you are listening. Then ANCHOR and make the room LARGER in order for someone else to feel SAFE there (this is a sensing, an energy expansion you do, sort of like when you move over and make room for someone to sit there.)
  5. What are you hoping for during the call?

Listening.  Our PRACTICE for the week was to notice how we are listening DIFFERENTLY. How is our body FEELING in situations?  How is our breathing; HELD, shallow, deep? When were we BRAVE and when was it fine to not be brave?  When did we LEAD and when did we wait, PAUSE, discover something we had no idea the person was thinking or feeling. Listening asked us to be aware this week for what IS listening all about?

You are welcome to join us in practicing listening and leave your thoughts in the comments.

Take good care, 


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Natalie Caine, M.A.