When you are going through transitions, do you lean into a daily practice? Here is one of mine:
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking
About growing older and moving on
Nobody wants to be told that they’re getting on
For a long, long stay
But just how long and who knows
And how and where my spirit will go
Will it soar like Jazz on a saxophone
Or evaporate on a breeze
Won’t you tell me please
That life is eternal
And love is immortal
And death is only a horizon
Life is eternal
As we move into the light
And a horizon is nothing
Save the limit of our sight
Save the limit of our sight
Here on earth I’m a lost soul
Ever trying to find my way back home
Maybe that’s why each new star is born
Expanding heaven’s room
Eternity in bloom
And will I see you up in that heaven
In all its light will I know you’re there
Will we say the things that we never dared
If wishing makes it so
Won’t you let me know
That life is eternal
And love is immortal
And death is only a horizon
Life is eternal
As we move into the light
And a horizon is nothing
Save the limit of our sight
Save the limit of our sight
Life is Eternal is a song by Carly Simon. The above are the lyrics
I use music lyrics and poetry for inspiration. I keep them by my bed and one in my wallet. What do you do or use for inspiration? My friend asked me, how do I make the time to find them, cut them out and put them where I will use them. How could I not? I have me to rely on daily and I build my pantry with essentials, like poetry and music.
Happy Spring,
Natalie
Natalie Caine
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Featured in Change is inTIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
CHANGE REQUIRES YOU TO START. It sounds simple and yet doesn’t happen. Get out of the “why” and the “I am not that way so I can’t”, and START. That is the number one block to why change doesn’t happen. You spin in your head or you get amnesia. START. Give the person what they need and see what happens. You can change your mind and course-correct the action after you START.
Boomers, empty nesters, and college students going through transitions don’t ask for enough help.
A family spoke with me about being stuck. Who doesn’t get stuck? Their communication got more silent and their anxiety rose because of not feeling like they could ask for what they needed. Judged and having that used against them , froze them asking.
Brad told me he asked, but not much came of it.
He wanted support in feeling lonely and confused. Mom, felt worn out and didn’t realize she wasn’t hearing, THANK YOU. Their daughter only connects about twice a month since marrying. These aren’t their real names due to privacy, but I think you can relate to their pain and confusion.
What to do:
1. Keep asking for what you need when you aren’t upset. Ask how they could help you.
2. With adult children, they lead so you may have to let that go and trust the love is there when you aren’t getting the weekly connections.
3. When a window is shut, go to another one. If you can’t get the support you need from one person find other ways to get your needs met. Other friends, spiritual practices, counselors, mentors.
4. Leave notes of feelings. A couple I worked with kept a journal rather than having long discussions. They left the journal of their feelings and needs on the kitchen table and read responses that evening. Safety and style is different for each of us. This is a way to problem solve someone who isn’t as in touch with feelings or as verbal as you.
5. We haven’t been taught that once is not enough to ask for what you need whether with work or family. It is how you ask and when you ask. Keep it light and open. Empower the other to give you suggestions rather than demanding .
6. Even when you do ask more than once and don’t receive what you would like, let it go and ask another time saying how it makes you feel to not be heard or see change. Relationships are about negotiating and leaving the inner child out of the discussion and pulling up the adult who knows how to get beyond their ego and habits.
Change is not a formula even though I offer suggestions. It is a process of going within for clues and repeating that inner connection with self, which I call SELF TALK and creative conversation with self to meet other parts of you. Make the time. It is worth what you will birth as you travel uncertainties.
Take care,
Natalie
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
Invite her to speak in your community
I can’t believe my son did not come home for break. Of course, I said, sure go with your friends. I feel sad. I am in conflict with his choices and my still needing him around. That sounds so little of me.
But, I am mom, his mom. I just like his company and his friends. I have tried new activities and joined book groups to meet to new people. They aren’t family. Often, my friends complain about their family. I do too, but today, I would love that family around.
So enough complaining. I am taking myself on a Spring Fling. Packing up my car and heading down the road to bed and breakfast since other people will be there.
I have no plans but to be in a new place for a couple of days. Feels good for now. I might get lonely at night, but it will pass. I just need more time to weep and try some new things before I feel ok. Thanks for listening.
Gloria
Empty nesters and Boomers are taking time for music and to unfold.
Time to shift your role.
A couple called me to share they are not connecting well, in other words, no sex, and no conversations except the mandatory chat. Have you been in their shoes?
Each decided to plan a day in the sun. He chose a baseball game, t shirts, and hotel in their home town.
She made a picnic with Italian flavors of basil and tomatoes. Google map passed to him because he loves to drive. She included photos of them in the basket and her favorite poems to read out loud. She hopes he won’t roll his eyes or he loses the keys and walks back. Music gets them out of their routine and over active brain. Concerts at a museum are free and outside.
Unfold new parts of yourself whether single or married. Take a photo, like the cactus, that reminds you to unfold rather than criticize yourself or get stuck with perfection. Keep photos in your vision that being you beauty.
Send photos to connect with others and celebrate SPRING.
Happy Blooming,
Natalie
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
Empty nesters and Boomers have children in their pool or friend’s pool but a LIVE DUCK? Thank goodness I remembered where I put my camera. Calm, beautiful, and happy she permitted me a few shots. After all, I didn’t invite her to my pool.
Expect the unexpected whether joyous or challenging. What tool do you need to handle sudden surprises?
1. A camera if joyous.
2. You hear this over and over, TRUST YOURSELF. You don’t need to be fixed or perfect.
You know how to handle uncertainty, you just forget.
3. Get support. Ask for that help. You would be there for someone. Pick up the phone.
4. Practice being uncomfortable in the unknown. For me that means slowing down and letting go.
5. Remind yourself this situation won’t last forever. Feel your feelings whenever and wherever.
6. Remember the bigger picture of life. Write it down. Is it kindness, is it love, is it You are enough no matter what you do in life?
7. Transitions are a time of entering the unknown. Good news is there is a gift in there.
Take good care,
Natalie
Invite her to speak in your community
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
www.emptynestsupport.com
Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
Thank goodness I found this website. I’m doing OK with my son off to college. I am not OK with figuring out what to do that will really make me satisfied.
I am in a top career world. Yes, I have made a difference by being in this career.
I want to leave the stress of it and the boredom. I want to teach and only work part time.
I just met with a financial advisor. It was worth the money. I say I want to teach but not sure at this stage of life if I want to go back to school. I really want to do my art.
Do you go through these uncertainties because of your age and money?
What did you change when you were an empty nester besides for their room?
Charlotte
Join Natalie at Tecate, Baja California, Mexico, May 14-21 and October 29 – November 5, 2011 – RANCHO LA PUERTA RESORT AND SPA, the world-renowned fitness resort and spa in Baja California, where she will be returning to teach for a week LIFE IN TRANSITION, WHAT’S NEXT?
Contact for further information,
U.S. Reservations Office:
RANCHO LA PUERTA FITNESS RESORT & SPA
11696 Sorrento Valley Road, Suite 203
San Diego, CA 92121
T: 800.443.7565, 858.764.5500
F: 858.764.5560
E: reservations@rancholapuerta.com
www.rancholapuerta.com
A Partial list of Awards for Rancho La Puerta:
Travel + Leisure
– 2010 “World’s Best Destination Spa”
– 2009 “Top 10 Destination Spas”
Condé Nast Traveler Readers’ Polls 2010
– “World Savers Awards” honorable mention Spa Magazine’s Silver Sage Readers’ Choice Awards
– 2010 Favorite Destination Spa – International
– Favorite Eco/Green Spa
Natalie knows transitions pull you into a gift and a curse. What gets birthed is worth the grieving and the confusion.
5 Thoughts for Transition
1. What thoughts and feelings are you having today in this unknown place?
2. Do you need a tweak, an overhaul, or a goodbye?
3. What support and resources do you think you need?
4. How do you develop a healthy view of what’s next for you?
5. What do you long for that creates something new and authentic at this cycle of life?
Each of us uniquely journey’s through happy and sad transitions: empty nest, divorce, illness, marriage, college, new career, re-locating, blending families, care-taking, grand parenting, death, and new interests.
What do you know about the way you make changes? Whether by choice or circumstances, all of us have stood in the unknown of not being where we were and not yet, where we will be.
Our culture does not teach you how to view, approach, and execute an authentic thread to follow. Natalie has been featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, & BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS. She will guide you with her humor, compassion, and enthusiastic style. She offers concrete tips and exercises as she listens and implements with you.
A LITTLE ABOUT NATALIE
Her passion grew from a life of transitions she has lived: leaving her dream college year as a Freshman, because her parents needed her to move West from East, Master’s degree in Speech Therapy, marriage, bed rest for five months while pregnant, mother to beautiful, healthy daughter, Natalie’s sudden life threatening illness when her baby was just eighteen months old, forced her to leave her child for surgeries and stays in and out of intensive care for weeks and years of illness back and forth from home to hospital, divorce, healing to wellness, re-locating, re-marrying, re-inventing her 30 year career to launch Empty Nest Support Services, care-taking her parents with kidney and cancer illness, , empty nest, as her only child moved East from West for college, suicide of her best friend, death of her parents, travel solo for work and pleasure.
Born with the middle name, HOPE, she relied on it. When that wasn’t enough to pull herself up after the suicide of her best friend, who left three boys and a husband, who are her brother and nephews, she dug deeper , looked back at her life and forward, realizing compassion and curiosity were her best daily tools, not guarantees.
She can’t help but carry humor and hope in her heart. When her house emptied of her daughter’s life and friends, and she sat in the new quiet and unknown, she birthed her writer, where she writes for her website and parenting and boomer monthly column websites. She travels the country teaching and is grateful for the new friendships and learning. More free time from being an empty nester opened another unknown interest, photography. She uses her photos for all her blogs, for creativity, and has sold photos in her city of Los Angeles.
Who would have thought the grief of shifting her role as a parent, would have birthed so many new interests and friendships? Travel kicked in, her organic garden expanded, and she has the joy of welcoming home her daughter, as well as, visiting her in San Francisco where they hike, eat out, hear music, and visit with other friends.
“And then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin
Call Natalie for more information and visit her website that includes, an active message board for ongoing support, blogs, stories, live audio conversations, FAQ video, tips, testimonials, schedule, and more.
Wishing you the support to go past your fears, confusions, and dive into newness
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
On the web www.emptynestsupport.com
Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Online classes
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Free active message board – connect with others
– Story of the Month
– Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
– Los Angeles, CA
Parents, Boomers, Empty Nesters, and Young adults have asked me about Red Mountain Spa, Utah.
Destination and resort spa in Southern Utah, hiking, wellness, Spa, red rocks, outdoors http://www.RedMountainSpa.com where I will be teaching LIFE IN TRANSITION, WHAT’S NEXT, April 9th-16th. I am also offering private sessions for the week so you can go deeper with your needs. Below is an overview of the workshop:
From the Inside Out
It’s time for you to gather input from inside yourself. Natalie will guide you to make a place of well-being no matter what is happening in your outer world. You will discover more about who you are and who you aren’t, and from there, learn what resources you need to pull yourself up towards a step.
Possibilities
Natalie will help you discover what will foster an opening of possibilities and creativity. The evening is experiential, which will include, making a prayer stick for you to take home.
Your Gift
Natalie will gift each of you and teach you how you can use the gift at home. What will you vow to never do again and what will you put your toe in the water towards your new beginning? Life has become more complex. You need to make time to re-focus on self and to practice staying open to possibilities.
About Natalie
Natalie shares wisdom, tips and comfort during her workshops to help people deal with happy and challenging life transitions. Her style is unique with humor, focus and openness, and her knowledge comes from many life transitions including a life-threatening illness, divorce, relocation, empty nester and re-inventing her career. Natalie knows how to grieve and begin again with realism, integrating the gifts and curses of change and loss. She discovered the key is to know who you are and who you aren’t.
Natalie is the founder of Empty Nest Support Services, which helps people through the joys and challenges of a new life chapter, whether by choice or circumstances of divorce, retirement, re-location, blended families, illness, healing, new career, entering the work world, leadership or mentoring. She regularly writes for baby boomer and parenting websites and has been featured in Time Magazine, New York Times, Lifetime Radio for Women, Los Angeles Times, USA Today and Better Homes & Gardens.
A single mother called, “Do you think I can meet a guy there because I won’t just bring my sweats?” Bring your inner and outer beauty. I know of two people who met at a retreat and then married, I shared with her that good news.
Happy story – A friend of mine is attending a wedding at Zion Park which is 45 minutes from the resort. I had no idea until she called me last week that both of us will be there at the same time. I will be hiking in Zion as part of the week get away. We are so excited. She travels from New York and I from Los Angeles. Don’t you just love those surprises? Who knows what surprise is blooming for you this Spring.
When I present at my workshop, I leave with continued friendships where we plan to meet there again. I am so grateful for the opportunity to teach what I love in such beauty and health.
I hope you make time to refresh, learn, and meet others. Visit their website to see what they offer besides for my week workshop http://www.RedMountainSpa.com
Happy Spring,
natalie@emptynestsupport.com www.emptynestsupport.com
800-446-3310 Pacific Time
Invite her to speak in your community
Call for a private consultation on or off the telephone
Retreats
Support Groups
What baby boomer, parent or young adult, doesn’t need a moment of hope?
Life is complex. You are overwhelmed with the news of the day and the list of your to do’s.
I would be a fool to not stop and see the beauty out my office window. I did nothing to make it happen.
The blooming jasmine arrive every year.
Unpredictable in its timing. HOPE.
I open the window to be closer and smell.
What gives you hope? What can you email to a friend that inspires their day?
Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Are you vacationing on your own or with your family? Who will be home?
Parents have called sharing their excitement and concerns about their children coming back home.
They know the good stuff but feel anxious about the new role they need to live.
Number one issue that causes resentment and disappointment is UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.
You have had the territory to yourself. You know how to be the parent you were but not the adult to adult one.
They haven’t had authority around called PARENTS.
I know how excited I get to see my daughter’s face and give her a big hug. She tells me she looks forward to homemade soups, candles lit, full refrigerator, laundry, cozy bed and home where she can let go. TiVo is an added bonus. Veggies in the garden to pick are a constant. I love hearing stories about her life and when her friends pop over, who I have known since they were little ones.
1. Matt shared with me he likes spending time with his family but wants to be spontaneous.
2. Karen, the mom, likes a plan.
3. Key is to negotiate and check things out before you market and cook.
4. Keep quick meal ideas in the freezer and pantry for those kids that pop in or those that decide not to come home and you have plates of untouched food. Cook when you have a solid YES.
5. Let them cook.
6. Keep to your routine.
7. You worked hard to focus back on yourself after your nest emptied. Keep touching in with your feelings and needs. Be aware of the part of you that wants to drop everything because your children are back home . They have their own plans and you have, what? Hurt feelings
8. Be flexible.
9. Although this sounds trite and simple, SMILE. Don’t get caught in power struggles. Build happy memories.
10. Biggest complaint children tell me, “My parents ask too many questions and talk too much.”
Biggest complaint parents express, “They only think about themselves.”
Say what you need. Tell your top need. “I want to go hiking with you and I want to have dinner together. ” Give them two times for a choice that work for you and ASK when that work does for you?
• Let them know you don’t want to plan and then they drop your need for another plan.
• Don’t over give. It just grows resentment that they didn’t ask you to do.
• Stand tall if they are disrespectful. Try saying, “STOP IT.”
• Expect less and cheer if you get more. Challenging. Takes practice
• Children want to sleep. Allow them to self-care.
• Your role has changed more to mentor than manager.
• You forget, they love you and need you. They just aren’t the same as you. They want to sail their own ship even when there is no wind.
• Enjoy this time. Let it be. Add beauty and peace at home.
Parents are motivated to continue being a great role model which includes nurturing your own needs.
Practice being in the moment and not the past or future.
Wishing you a happy Spring Break,
Natalie
Featured in TIME, NY TIMES, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES and GARDENS, ASSOCIATED PRESS, RADIO, and more…
Invite her to speak in your community.
Call for a private consultation on the phone.
800-446-3310
818-763-0188 local Los Angeles
www.emptynestsupport.com
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
A parent shared with me that if she could have one wish it would be to not think so much. We asked her what she would put in place of thinking so much. Her response “I have no idea because it is all I seem to do…think and think and think.” Each of us gave each other a practice for the week.
You can guess what she received. TO NOTICE WHAT YOU ARE DOING WHEN YOU AREN’T IN YOUR BUSY HEAD.” She keeps a journal of her weekly practices. Next week she will share even if she says, I STILL DON’T KNOW.
I have noticed we think we need an answer to our wonderments, problems, and unknowns. We are practicing not having an answer for now. We like trying something we haven’t because honestly, we get bored easily.
Here is what we are going to do with our wish: We wish to have it be OK for now to not have a direction, a solution, a response.
One woman shared that she actually tells herself when stressed by too much thinking and not knowing what to do to soften her frustrations; she says to herself, “I am not going there right now. I am right her walking my dog.
That is where I am and where I want to be right now. I am not going there right now.”
Each of us finds ways to shift our habits and allow new behavior to practice.
What behavior would you wish to shift right now? What do you think you would put in place of that behavior that took your time?
Share with us. Do you remember that line, “If you tell, I’ll tell.” I don’t know where I heard that but it popped up today. Sounds young, doesn’t it.
Take good care,
Natalie
Visit my website for upcoming workshops and retreats.
www.emptynestsupport.com
Call for a private consultation on the telephone or in person.
818-763-0188 Pacific Time
Email me with your questions natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Featured in TIME, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, Radio, NY TIMES, LA TIMES, BETTER HOMES and GARDENS, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, CHICAGO TRIBUNE, ASSOCIATED PRESS, and more
Meet me on FACEBOOK, LINKED IN, and TWITTER.
Tossed without a softener, I feel my roughness.
Clasped by the drive to make something,
I need to open.
My age hasn’t broken my creativity.
Who wants me, has.
Dried out from my own spinning, I answer.
I DO.
I CAN’T STOP
I AM AWAKENED by my passion.
If you view it, great.
I feel privileged to meet my passion.
By Anonymous
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org