I gave a wonderful unmarried empty nester the black t-shirt that says
Thanksgiving gatherings are over. Hugs goodbye in the driveway, airport or train with kleenex tucked in our pocket, reflection emerges.
I realized we are all feeling a long way from home. The HOME where we use to live our traditions has changed.
New family members, old ones looking down from above, anticipation of newborns, hope for our sons and daughters dreams to appear and us, the parents, who are reinventing the way we were.
I hope you are able to bring your hands together, place them on your heart, and take in a deep appreciation breath for living in the changes.
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
800 446 3310 toll-free
by Cathy | submitted on November 25, 2007
My three children all left after a different kind of Thanksgiving. Different from hearing the words, mommy, daddy, now there are times of little words, sleep-ins until eleven, and sharing everyone with obligations and peers.
But I am doing so much better than the last time they all left and me and me sat in the kitchen crying and stuck.
This time I planned ahead and even wrote it down so I had something for me besides tears. I had magazines, a phone call planned with a friend who doesn’t live near by and my journal. I even had treats which for me are new candles, one new CD, and a movie to get lost in….Dead Poets Society.
Hats off to me, I am changing and actually liking my own space! I will see them in about three weeks. New lists for me as far as what I need and what I can give. This season I am not going into debt and I am not going to forget to make some time that is meaningful for me, like volunteering to help my neighbor by taking her to the market, raking her leaves, and getting one of those “fake” candles for her so she sees some light but doesn’t burn down.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL OF US WHO ARE CHANGING
Cathy
Employers have discovered empty nesters are great people to hire. They demonstrate less stress since they aren
Yes, it is true that even when you are preparing for the holidays tears will fall. So what
Children are coming home for Thanksgiving. Parents are writing cooking and shopping lists, decorating the house, and leaping a little quicker out of bed in happy anticipation of their children sleeping in their rooms again, and chatting together in the kitchen.
Change has happened. Some children aren
by Brenda | submitted on October 26, 2007
I am growing a new relationship with myself. No one told me when I was an adult that I still might struggle, painfully struggle.
I thought experiences, college education, money from working, partnering, and devotion to my children would give me free tickets to solving challenges more readily.
So not true. No matter what my life has given and taken from me I am not exempt from pain, tears, and dreams that I can’t make come true.
Some days I feel sad, non-motivated, and confused. But, I am an adult. I have lots of skills and a solid spiritual foundation.
Truth is I have discovered I want someone to walk with me who gets what this time of life is all about.
I am in my late fifties, married, kids happily on their own in their twenties. I am lucky all are healthy and connected to our family.
I dreamt of family and my own career. I have it. I didn’t think about what I would be like when my kids grew up. I didn’t think about aging and my parents yo yo health issues. It whispered but didn’t need attending to.
Now is now. Now I need help in this time of my life. People don’t talk much about empty nest unless they say things like it is no big deal since you have free time and they still come home.
I have to fake it. I have to convince myself which is just in my head, that I am fine but my heart is not fine. I am struggling. But really, I am not fine like I use to be fine. I cry now. I feel lonely. I feel angry at times for all the changes I am living including the rounding, sagging of my body and the independence of my children who can go without calling or an email.
Knowing I have meaningful relationships and have helped so many people including my family just isn’t enough for me today. That sounds terrible when I see it in the written word. It is like I am a tantrumming child. I am not or am I?
This is not such a good day and yes I do have joyous days, but not this one.
Who else is feeling lousy days, confusing, days, disappointing time of life when dreams don’t come true and the clock is ticking? Some of those self help books just sound like cheerleaders on red bull.
I am a woman who wonders how I got here and where am I going. Thanks for listening.
When parents reminisce about trick or treating with their adorable brides, witches, and super men, they also remember the dud treats that dropped in their child
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” Helen Keller
Deborah told me during our telephone session that she is obsessing at staying connected with her children at college. She doesn
In my group, sweet Susan said with a slight laugh,
by Kathy | submitted on September 19, 2007
My children were my best friends and that sounds terrible these days with women being independent, getting a life outside their children, and letting them be.
Well I am writing to tell you, I have a life. I am married. I work full time. I care for my aging father; I have girlfriends, hobbies, and get aways.
That is the short list of what I am grateful for having. What I don’t have is the fulfillment of being their mother daily. I am not sad or depressed, but I am not having that good feeling inside.
I am empty since my daughter married this summer and son became a freshman. Empty is supposed to be a good spiritual thing, but I want to feel more than free time. I want to know how others are feeling fulfilled. Here is my list of what I have tried, but as I write that to you I mean what I have experienced”
– Volunteering for rescue pets
– Hiking
– Spa days
– Dinner parties
– Class in photography
– Reading
– Walking the beach
– Time with husband on the weekends
– Gardening
– Care packages
Fillers don’t replace parenting. I actually think I just need more time . I like the freedom of not cooking , not going to the games, and not driving them around, but truth is I am feeling older and don’t have the same zest I had to muster up when they were around. I probably fed off of them.
Embarrassing to be different than who I was and not know what will give me the old great feelings. This not hormonal. This is not a lack of motivation. This is me in the uncertainty.
Thanks for listening.
Kathy
Susan sobbed during our session sharing from her hotel room that she cancelled her flight to stay two days longer in the college town where she dropped off her freshman son. She couldn
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org