with Natalie caine

Ten Things I Want To Change

March 31, 2016 | by Natalie Caine |

I EXPLORED THAT QUESTION DURING A FUN GATHERING AT SOMEONE’S HOME WHERE A GROUP OF FRIENDS ASKED ME TO JOIN THEM TO FACILITATE AND TEACH.

HERE ARE THEIR SHARES OF WHAT THEY DISCOVERED WOULD MAKE A POSITIVE CHANGE FOR THEM:

1.     I changed how I started my day.  First, I looked out the window and really looked, rather than reading my emails and text.  I wanted something different to do that calmed me as a beginner of my day.

2.     It took a ringer tone to remind me, but I checked in with myself during the day to see, “How are you…?”

3.     I ended my night with a prayer. I started my morning by staying in bed a few more minutes, and asked myself, “What really matters today.”  I usually just leap out of bed and get going.

4.     I stopped the chatter in my head that I have been spinning about being fat. When that voice turned on, I said, “NO THANKS. You aren’t helpful.” Then I practiced thinking about something else right away, even if I looked at something right in front of me, a washcloth, a road sign, or some distraction from that same old critic. Whew, such a more loving way to be with myself.

5.     I bought a sand timer and put it by my computer as a way to pause and check in with me, “What cha feeling right now?” My old way was to not take breaks and have no idea who I was.

6.     I actually planned a fun weekend and made it happen rather than time getting away from me and feeling like I don’t play enough.

7.     I shifted my view of being solo as a stage of not having to plan with someone else, rather than the heavy critical feeling I had about being left out.

8.     I asked a friend to call me in the morning for five days to help me start my day with a more positive possibility. It really made a difference because I had been so stuck.

9.     I get socially anxious and I changed that to, go slowly and walk into the room and just observe. Find my rhythm.

10.  It is vulnerable to share this about me. I realized I rarely say, Thank You, and now I do.

We laughed, ate simple fresh foods, and the friends shared that they felt closer to each other.  Next time we are meeting at another woman’s home and she said,” be prepared to taste some foods you usually wouldn’t.” Mystery is exciting.

I appreciate that these friends said YES to my wanting to share with you how to have meaningful time with a friend and at the same time, honor their privacy.  What do you think those mystery foods might be?

Enjoy your friend,

Natalie

natalie@lifeintranstion.org

(310) 454-0040  Los Angeles, CA

I Am Frustrated

March 24, 2016 | by Natalie Caine |

Oh the joy of feeling invigorated with hope and the challenge of not getting what you wanted: Relationships seducing you, and then not being what you thought they were, work not bringing out the best in you, body doing its dance when you would rather it just sing, meditation restlessness, children texting not calling.  I imagine you can relate and add to the list of what hasn’t happened that you really want.

Here are a few thoughts from our Skype group that they said I could pass on to you:

•  Share with someone how discouraged and sad you feel because you have been waiting so long for things to work out and you are losing faith. Give yourself permission to say what is and trust your sharing will be well received.
•  Check in with yourself, close your eyes and ask, “what do I need right now that would comfort me?” Listen or sense a response. Some people need to get outside, do something creative inside, rest, write. You check in with you in order to learn what you need now.
•  Have a conversation with the other part of you, for example, if your critic is throbbing in your head about how horrible you are, bring in the compassionate side of you who knows you are doing what you can for now and are open to learning. Engage with the wise one within and ask for a message, “what do you see in this situation that I am not seeing, show me, whisper to me, guide me. Help me accept that this is how it is for now and I am ok.  I am not being punished or forgotten.”
•  When things aren’t going as you hoped, do you shut down, speed up and grab for something new, blame yourself, get angry at someone, spend money, over eat? Get to know more about who you are.
•  How can you treat yourself well when patience isn’t rising, when curiosity is dulled, when gratitude is forgotten?
• When has self- punishment ever been healing and yet you know that part will emerge in the mirror.  Maybe if you expect it, you can give it less of your time, saying, NO THANKS. NOT USEFUL. SEE YA.

For me, I appreciate that I have cultivated a meadow of helpers that includes the unseen. The other night I was longing for someone who couldn’t be available to me.  I cried. From somewhere the thought arrived, “go outside and look at the moon.”  I did. It was full, bright and shining at the top of the trees, lighting the roads.

Oh wow! That unexpected beauty fed me amazement and a reminder of the bigger picture.  I did feel better. I could let go of what wasn’t available and put my heart in line with the unknown.

When disappointment shuts me down, I choose kindness and sometimes buying a new red lipstick.   What do you choose? What are you cultivating that builds your inner world so that no matter what is happening in the outer, you come back home to YOU?

Take care,

Natalie

Life in Transition

(310) 454-0040 Los Angeles

natalie@lifeintransition.org

So Excited

March 18, 2016 | by Natalie Caine |

Spring Begins.  I hope you are moving forward in directions that matter to you and making time to be.  I am writing today to share a new offering that I am so excited to experience with you: Stay vacation or get away weekends for replenishing, fun and meaningful times with your friends. Yes, I am continuing to offer my other services, as well. So read on. And I’d love to hear your thoughts and questions.

A Little About Natalie

From a young age, Natalie has lived a life of expected and unexpected changes. She believes those times seeded a curiosity about how to navigate the unknown, find meaning in life and stay vibrant. Natalie has been featured in top media like NY Times, Associated Press, Time Magazine, and writes for the Wall Street Journal. Natalie works one-on-one with people as well as organizations, personal groups, and in corporate worlds.  She regularly presents at top resorts and spas like The Golden Door, Rancho La Puerta, Cal A Vie, Red Rock Mountain and more.  Natalie has been invited into private homes and vacation getaways with small and large groups. Her style is concrete, humorous, and creative. She is an entertaining story teller and you will feel like you have known her for years.

She was a Speech and Language Therapist, and woman’s group facilitator, who re-invented her career to help people navigate life’s transitions, whether expected or unexpected. Life changes constantly, yet we are not taught how to make choices and be without answers, how to hold paradoxes, let alone how to be loved when we feel awkward, lonely, unseen, limited, or bored. We were not taught how to access the parts of us that go beyond logic.  Often Natalie is told by friends and groups,” Wait Natalie, let me write that down. I didn’t know how to say that until you said it that way.  Wow, I never thought of that idea.”

Little did Natalie know her passion for communication would show up in different energies and experiences, like colors, tones, night dreams, visions, body sensing and healing.  She is more than happy to talk about how they began and how they communicate. She built an inner world that has nothing to do with what is happening in her outer life.  Just ask her.  She wants to hear about yours as well. (Yes, you have had them, maybe you forgot).

Girlfriend Getaways 

What is better than having time with your best friends? Whether you choose a stay vacation, getting out of town, a fun evening or brunch in your home, we know that the fun is enhanced with meaningful conversations.

Here is how it works…….

The Invitation

You plan your happy time together including the location and Natalie joins you to interweave psychological, spiritual guidance, and creative choices.  She offers intuitive readings and practices in how you can connect with your wisdom. Meditations, imagery and dream work are available to engage you with other parts of yourself that are dormant and now want to surface. It is simply fun having a facilitator guide and ask the poignant questions and experiences that open you to a deeper truth, a hidden passion and learning more about who you are and who you are not.

Who is this friend of mine right now and how can we support each other?  Today, friendships have grown beyond the portrayal of besties in Sex and the City. More and more women are living solo and find that their friendships are their partnering. Married women make time for their girlfriends because that tribe is forever.

There is nothing so endearing than a friend who wants the best for you and carries your history of your well lived life that includes sorrows and joys. Natalie safely opens the windows and doors for a fresh view.

We have a fantasy about big groups of besties.  Truth is, if you have one or two, you are blessed.  What we adore about our friends is we can say anything, make mistakes, be vulnerable, excited, and forgiven. We can be busy and not call for a while and pick up right where we were. When all else falls away, friendship remains.

I remember one evening when we were sitting on the sofas in pajamas and socks, and a woman said,” I have so much in my life, but the truth is something is missing. Honestly, I am tired of hearing myself tell the same stories about me. I feel like I am wasting time and stuck.   Over the many conversations I have had in my personal life and work, I consistently notice we don’t ask for help. We play a role in our friendships, like the initiator, the care taker, the light, etc. A question to ask is, “what is my role with you and do I want a new one?”

You have a full orchestra inside you, longing to come out and play, longing to be more than the drummer, cymbals, or violin.

So you decide if you want Natalie to join you during your weekend getaway, stay vacation, or series of luncheons or dinners in your home.

Natalie has a field of ideas to choose from to customize your experience once you begin the conversation with her about your friendship time together.

Example of a weekend gathering format:

• Friday evening all gather for a welcoming introduction and experience.
• Saturday morning meet during or after breakfast for an hour and a half.
• Afternoon to play, do art, spa, or explore
• Saturday gather before dinner
• Sunday breakfast session together.

(Natalie usually leaves by noon on Sunday.)

Luncheons, a series of four, can include locations shifting each time to another friend’s home.

The scheduling can be:

•   Gather at 10:00am. Natalie facilitates.
•   Lunch at noon.  During lunch it is more sharing and question and answer time, ending around one.
•   Dinners begin around 6:00pm with a similar schedule and end around 9:00pm with a series of four, rotating locations.

Friendships are the treasures of our life. They hold us, play with us, be our mirror, and love supporting us in our becoming.

I am excited to engage and explore with you. Email or call with your thoughts and questions, and pricing.

Spring Beginnings… Take good care,

Natalie

(310) 454-0040 Los Angeles   natalie@lifeintransition.org

SHARING

March 5, 2016 | by Natalie Caine |

You know those weeks where you are singularly focused and then you are at a Saturday lunch with a friend?  You notice your shoulders are dropped, bellies out, and you effortlessly are listening, and engaging. You feel birthed anew.

During lunch, I told my friend how vulnerable I felt crying in front of a new friend.  She said, “I wouldn’t be able to cry like that and tell a new friend about the loss I was feeling. You, though, have a way of staying with it. You find words that land so safely.  I stumble and freeze when vulnerable.  I quickly go to what is she thinking about me right now?  Better stop.”

I thanked my friend for sharing something about me that I hadn’t thought about. I told her that it is predictable later my critic will say, “Really, you told her that so soon.”   I hopefully let that voice pass me by.

I don’t want to lose the courage I had to be me in the moment with that new person.  Who knows.

I hadn’t planned on being vulnerable.  I didn’t know what I was going to say or do and I just opened to that pulse.  I thought I would choose who I want to be vulnerable with and who I don’t.  Well that idea flew out the window when I was crying in front of a new friend.  I actually don’t regret it.

My friend shared with me that she is working on not focusing on her sore yoga shoulder.  She is attending to it and saw a doctor, which she delayed because the loud spinning chatter in her head fed her doubts. Her doubter says it will be a waste of time and the dr. will just say ice, rest, and take an anti-inflammatory.

We laughed saying, “Well, what would you want him to say, oh you are imagining that pain, there is nothing there, oh you have arthritis just part of aging, oh you need surgery.”  It’s not so much about what the doctor would say, we just don’t like being interrupted with a life we aren’t choosing called pain in the shoulder.

Her style with pain is do the best she can to heal it and not be angry at her body.  Learn to call the doctor when pain shifts for the worse and delete the words telling her,” Oh, I don’t want to bother him.”  When she is in pain, she likes to get distracted doing what she enjoys, researching.

She doesn’t want to fall down the negative trap of LIFE SUCKS and it is only going to get worse with body pains now that I am getting OLDER.   We tell each other stories about our neighbors who are still biking at 91, starting Pilates at 79, and traveling by themselves at 87.   We are committed to reminding each other we have a long happy life ahead of us, so keep choosing, and we can also share about pain or inconveniences our bodies unexpectedly deliver us.

Friendship reminds me that trust has been earned and built over time.

Masks on. Masks off.  Oops. Forgiveness. Encouragement. Crisis. Getaways together for new views, fun, and relaxation. Our friendships add meaning to our lives.

Oh the questions of life, let’s hope they keep unfolding!

In our friendship council we assessed:

1. What is the story you want me to stop talking about?
2.  When I punch your buttons, what happens to you?  Do you collapse, speed up to defend, not get your foot off the petal of wanting to be correct or heard? Tense your shoulders up to your ears? Are you able to tell me in the moment or even later?
3.  Honestly, you can tell me, do you think I am more of a listener with you or the talker?  In other words, do I give you space to talk about you? Do you want me to shift how I am with you?
4. Do I ask you questions that help you see more of yourself and who you might become? For example: What do you think was going on for your husband?  What did you want that didn’t happen in that work conversation? What are you holding back from each other? Let’s not judge why you are holding. What is a different conversation you could have?  This is a noticing of you and what feels safe and unsafe.
5.  How can you have more fun this week?
6.  Let’s talk about our spiritual practices.
7.  I am vulnerable telling you something about me because I don’t like this part of me. Could you just listen until I finish saying it? “When things aren’t going as I want them to, what you don’t know about me is that I go faster, seeking a big something that will fill my lack of acceptance or my lack of trust. I have a part of me that thinks I can come up with a new idea that will land me in the spotlight of my happy place whether that is in relationships or work.

In relationship, I just keep teaching, suggesting new ways he could act.  In my work, I over extend my creative ideas or actions, like a kite out of control rather than being with what is, pausing, weeping, and appreciating.  I guess that sounds like a bit of denial for sorrow and a pusher who just tells me do something right now. Make it work.  No acceptance for what is right now. Don’t pause. Go Go Go. Ok, breathing, will you help me with this behavior that I don’t like so much?  Do you do things like that?

Friends want to help you. They like feeling needed.  More women are living a solo life and their friendships are their partners. Even if married, woman to woman time is treasured.

There is a myth that tells you that you need a lot of friends.  If you have one or two friends, you are blessed. Friendships grow us. They help us accept and dream big, holding paradoxes.  Friends bring out parts of us that are waiting to surface.  They keep you interesting and interested.

What conversation do you want to have with a friend today?

Take care,

Natalie

Life in Transition